May my soul find its way
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 13
May my soul find its way
Just an introduction.
I have to go sober. Can't live like this, can't stand this anymore.
I have been drinking daily for some 8 years. Usually only drank at night. In the last week, I drank constantly. Did some silly cutting that had my fiance going ballastic. I did that little number late one night when I just needed to feel something other than my hate. Girl loves me and I want to give her more than this shamble of a human being I have become.
Don't know you guys, and I'm not much of a friendly person. But as a Christian, I need all the prayers I can get. Last night as I finished my poison of choice (gin), I layed in bed and somehow got the passion of getting this done.
Right now, I'm simply hoping to show myself that I'm stronger than my desire to drink. I'm just hoping for 30 days.
So, I'm on hour 12 right now. From reading this website, I am a bit nervous about seizures and shaking. I get the shakes already. I did 7 days sober in 2006 ish with no ill effects, so I am hoping this won't end up hurting me.
So, here is to the plunge. I'm planning on staying quite busy in the next few days so I don't have idle time.
May my soul find its way.
I have to go sober. Can't live like this, can't stand this anymore.
I have been drinking daily for some 8 years. Usually only drank at night. In the last week, I drank constantly. Did some silly cutting that had my fiance going ballastic. I did that little number late one night when I just needed to feel something other than my hate. Girl loves me and I want to give her more than this shamble of a human being I have become.
Don't know you guys, and I'm not much of a friendly person. But as a Christian, I need all the prayers I can get. Last night as I finished my poison of choice (gin), I layed in bed and somehow got the passion of getting this done.
Right now, I'm simply hoping to show myself that I'm stronger than my desire to drink. I'm just hoping for 30 days.
So, I'm on hour 12 right now. From reading this website, I am a bit nervous about seizures and shaking. I get the shakes already. I did 7 days sober in 2006 ish with no ill effects, so I am hoping this won't end up hurting me.
So, here is to the plunge. I'm planning on staying quite busy in the next few days so I don't have idle time.
May my soul find its way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 13
I have been to some meetings from my stint a few years ago. It's hard for me to attend meetings like that. I'm an emotional wreck as it is, so I'm a bit worried about losing my self.
Any case, googling for meetings produces so much crap.
I am in So Cal. 90266 if someone nows of meetings nearby.
Any case, googling for meetings produces so much crap.
I am in So Cal. 90266 if someone nows of meetings nearby.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Alcoholics Anonymous (A. A.) Meetings in Manhattan Beach, California
I know a good number of folks in southern CA if you need hooked up.
I know a good number of folks in southern CA if you need hooked up.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,447
Welcome!
It seems to me that it's more about accepting your addiction, than about being strong.
I think when I finally accepted that alcohol was no longer an option in my life, I was able to see other ways of coping.
It seems to me that it's more about accepting your addiction, than about being strong.
I think when I finally accepted that alcohol was no longer an option in my life, I was able to see other ways of coping.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Hi Wayfarm
Do check with your Doctor if you at all worried about any aspect of your well being.
I'm not in AA but I believe closed meetings simply means limited to alcoholics only..open meetings = any interested party can attend....but if I'm wrong on that, I'm sure someone will correct me
Welcome to SR
D
Do check with your Doctor if you at all worried about any aspect of your well being.
I'm not in AA but I believe closed meetings simply means limited to alcoholics only..open meetings = any interested party can attend....but if I'm wrong on that, I'm sure someone will correct me
Welcome to SR
D
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Welcome to SR Wayfarm!
Closed meetings = only recovering alcoholics or those that want to, may attend, ...
Open meetings = anyone may attend,....spouses, your boss, medical professionals & students doing research, your probation officer,....
Generally speaking; in open meetings- anyone may attend-but only recovering alcoholics are allowed to participate by sharing/talking. Non alcoholics are welcome to just listen. to do otherwise could be construed as a violation of the 5th tradition.
There are also men only meetings, women only meetings, 12 step study meetings etc.
Closed meetings = only recovering alcoholics or those that want to, may attend, ...
Open meetings = anyone may attend,....spouses, your boss, medical professionals & students doing research, your probation officer,....
Generally speaking; in open meetings- anyone may attend-but only recovering alcoholics are allowed to participate by sharing/talking. Non alcoholics are welcome to just listen. to do otherwise could be construed as a violation of the 5th tradition.
There are also men only meetings, women only meetings, 12 step study meetings etc.
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Hi Wayfarm
Nice to meet you. You said, May my soul find its way. I sincerely hope so wayfarm. Sometimes we make mistakes, sometimes we cant find our way, sometimes the pain is too unbearable, sometimes we think its not worth it, sometimes we think others dont care. And if we believe all of this, 'we simply will believe' and nothing will ever change.
I dont have any answers but I truelly wish for you, recovery and hope. I hope that step by step you can start believing in yourself and understand your addiction.
Its a sad day for me today, my sister died one year ago and today my only wish is for someone like you - to make it and see it and live it through. You are worth it wayfarm.
JJ
Nice to meet you. You said, May my soul find its way. I sincerely hope so wayfarm. Sometimes we make mistakes, sometimes we cant find our way, sometimes the pain is too unbearable, sometimes we think its not worth it, sometimes we think others dont care. And if we believe all of this, 'we simply will believe' and nothing will ever change.
I dont have any answers but I truelly wish for you, recovery and hope. I hope that step by step you can start believing in yourself and understand your addiction.
Its a sad day for me today, my sister died one year ago and today my only wish is for someone like you - to make it and see it and live it through. You are worth it wayfarm.
JJ
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 1,149
Yeah closed means its for alchoholics.
We all qualify here i belive wayfarm.
Dont hesitate to see a doctor if youre worried.
Only on day 2 here myself and I seem to be out of the woods
but yesterday I read some of the stickies on this site about what to expect
and it was downright scary.
I hope you have someone with you during the initial withdrawl tokeep an eye on you..just in case.
We all qualify here i belive wayfarm.
Dont hesitate to see a doctor if youre worried.
Only on day 2 here myself and I seem to be out of the woods
but yesterday I read some of the stickies on this site about what to expect
and it was downright scary.
I hope you have someone with you during the initial withdrawl tokeep an eye on you..just in case.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 13
Thanks for the wellwishes. Oddly it is rather profound what you said JJ.
I have run the gamut of emotions. From feeling like this is totally doable, to being absolutely scared ********.
My patterns of behaviour are very well established. So I think changing those patterns is key number one. When I come home tonight, DO NOT, DO NOT stop off for a bottle. I have no gin in the house and I know if I had some, I would succumb.
I'm self employed and living penny to penny. So not much in the way to pay for a check up. Though rereading my dribble it comes off so pathetic to me that I would somehow find money for a bottle, but won't pay for a Dr. Visit.
What day tends to be the hardest? I have my daughter (6) this w/e for a visit from Fri to Sun. I hope I'm not in a bad state.
When you get the craving, what do you do for strength? Pray? I have said a number of prayers. But the cravings come.
Any case, thanks for the kind words. I'm certainly not shopping for sympathy, but it is comforting to know that others have done this. Now that I know I'm in the right place, it is time to push through it.
Ohhh and my name is Ed.
I have run the gamut of emotions. From feeling like this is totally doable, to being absolutely scared ********.
My patterns of behaviour are very well established. So I think changing those patterns is key number one. When I come home tonight, DO NOT, DO NOT stop off for a bottle. I have no gin in the house and I know if I had some, I would succumb.
I'm self employed and living penny to penny. So not much in the way to pay for a check up. Though rereading my dribble it comes off so pathetic to me that I would somehow find money for a bottle, but won't pay for a Dr. Visit.
What day tends to be the hardest? I have my daughter (6) this w/e for a visit from Fri to Sun. I hope I'm not in a bad state.
When you get the craving, what do you do for strength? Pray? I have said a number of prayers. But the cravings come.
Any case, thanks for the kind words. I'm certainly not shopping for sympathy, but it is comforting to know that others have done this. Now that I know I'm in the right place, it is time to push through it.
Ohhh and my name is Ed.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Whenever you need support you'll find it here Ed
I think different days are hardest for different people - day one was always hardest for me physically, later on was harder mentally because I felt good again...
And you're right about never thinking twice about shelling out for a bottle but baulking at a Dr visit - it's silly, but it's common thinking LOL.
Do go see your Dr - and follow up on that meeting idea too - what have you got to lose?
D
I think different days are hardest for different people - day one was always hardest for me physically, later on was harder mentally because I felt good again...
And you're right about never thinking twice about shelling out for a bottle but baulking at a Dr visit - it's silly, but it's common thinking LOL.
Do go see your Dr - and follow up on that meeting idea too - what have you got to lose?
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Washington State
Posts: 150
Maybe you can try to keep your mind of drinking by having a really busy weekend with your daughter. It could be a nice distraction for you. In any case, it's good that you've come here. The support is enormously helpful.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: England
Posts: 79
Hey Ed,
You made it to this forum, mate. That's a great start.
I only came here yesterday but I've had so much support that I feel I am strong enough to continue.
I couldn't have done it alone.
You are not alone.
You made it to this forum, mate. That's a great start.
I only came here yesterday but I've had so much support that I feel I am strong enough to continue.
I couldn't have done it alone.
You are not alone.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Wayfarm - glad you're here. I was really scared when I came here too, but like you, I wasn't going to be able to function if I kept drinking the way I was drinking. I don't think any of us really wanted to quit or had much confidence in ourselves by the time we came here...... but a lot of us have stayed sober and in spite of ourselves we're so grateful to be that way.
So, if we can do it, I'd bet you can too. Every bit of support you can get will be helpful. This forum is my anchor, so I highly recommend checking in every day.
So, if we can do it, I'd bet you can too. Every bit of support you can get will be helpful. This forum is my anchor, so I highly recommend checking in every day.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 13
17 hours and 15 minutes in.
Scared the **** out of myself reading the Quitting what to expect thread.
My fiance wants to be with me tonight, but I am so afraid that I'll scare her.
Sometimes she beleives my stupid ish. "A man has to do what he has to do." I don't even beleive that.
I really didn't plan this out. I should have gotten vitamins, should have gotten gatorade. If I go into a store I am done for. I'll have her bring them for me tomorrow.
This is where I normally would start drinking, so lets see what midnight brings. As a courtesy I don't swear but if I say some four letter words, you guys can gloss over them right?
Based on what I have read I am prepared to do the following once I get home:
Clean the heck out of my toilet. If I am going to be intimate with the porcelein gods I may as well have it clean.
Get the sheets clean. If I'm going to be there for some days, I'd like to insure that they don't smell.
I have some sleeping pills if I need them. Lunesta. Is this a bad plan?
I have no issues with sleeping pills, I have had the bottle for months.
Scared the **** out of myself reading the Quitting what to expect thread.
My fiance wants to be with me tonight, but I am so afraid that I'll scare her.
Sometimes she beleives my stupid ish. "A man has to do what he has to do." I don't even beleive that.
I really didn't plan this out. I should have gotten vitamins, should have gotten gatorade. If I go into a store I am done for. I'll have her bring them for me tomorrow.
This is where I normally would start drinking, so lets see what midnight brings. As a courtesy I don't swear but if I say some four letter words, you guys can gloss over them right?
Based on what I have read I am prepared to do the following once I get home:
Clean the heck out of my toilet. If I am going to be intimate with the porcelein gods I may as well have it clean.
Get the sheets clean. If I'm going to be there for some days, I'd like to insure that they don't smell.
I have some sleeping pills if I need them. Lunesta. Is this a bad plan?
I have no issues with sleeping pills, I have had the bottle for months.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 1,149
Can your gal come over and spend the night with you so you won't be alone? Bring some juice and gatorade?
Day one is hell on earth man. Day two here and its still not much fun but it's WAY better than yesterday. Although no matter how much i shower I still stink, still shakey, and my mind is stillout to lunch, there is improvement in the right direction
Hang in there and if you are worried get yourself to the hospital ER.
And remember, we never have to go through this again.
Day one is hell on earth man. Day two here and its still not much fun but it's WAY better than yesterday. Although no matter how much i shower I still stink, still shakey, and my mind is stillout to lunch, there is improvement in the right direction
Hang in there and if you are worried get yourself to the hospital ER.
And remember, we never have to go through this again.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,507
Welcome to the family Wayfarm. You sound determined, and fed up with your old routine. You still have your sense of humor, which is always helpful. We know you can do this, and we're all behind you. I'm a lifelong drinker who is almost 3 yrs. sober. I came crawling in here in '07, shaking and terrified. I never expected to stay - but I ended up holding on to this place for dear life, and these amazing people have never let me down.
Be proud of yourself for having the sense to know you couldn't continue on the way you were. Some never have that revelation. The hardest thing for me was admitting my "friend" and constant companion, alcohol, was destroying me - not making me happy or calm or relaxed as it once did. Remember that every day will get a little better - you're making progress every hour you don't put that poison in your body. Hold on to the fact that whatever misery you may feel, it's only temporary - the sun will shine in your life again. Congratulations on your decision.
Be proud of yourself for having the sense to know you couldn't continue on the way you were. Some never have that revelation. The hardest thing for me was admitting my "friend" and constant companion, alcohol, was destroying me - not making me happy or calm or relaxed as it once did. Remember that every day will get a little better - you're making progress every hour you don't put that poison in your body. Hold on to the fact that whatever misery you may feel, it's only temporary - the sun will shine in your life again. Congratulations on your decision.
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