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Am I?

Old 11-08-2010, 01:04 PM
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Question Am I?

I suppose if I have to ask the question in the first place, then that would mean I do have some issues with alcohol....

This weekend was just the last straw in a recent run of bad events with alcohol for me. I'm not sure why I keep going back to something that makes me ill, feel terrible guilt, upset my friends, family and partner, embarrasses me and is really detrimental to my health. I cannot do just one or two drinks. I'm coming to the realisation that I need to stop drinking alcohol-it's only taken me 12 years (since I was 14!).

Unfortunately my boyfriend had not heard of the term high functioning alcoholic before I spoke to him about it yesterday. This seems to fit me and my patterns, except I have more of a binge compulsion...He seems to be of the opinion I can drink but I just need to drink less. Why can't he understand I find it hard to limit my drinks and stop myself once I have started?

I have a good job, rent a lovely house, have a job with serious responsibility and in general a good relationship with my boyfriend. I have had periods within my life of significant depression coupled with alcohol and substance misuse, but have always really managed to hold it all together. Without wanting to play the world's smallest violin, life hasn't always been great for me but that's no excuse. More than anything I hate the fact my alcohol misuse and problem drinking turns me into a vicious and verbally and physically abusive woman.

Feeling a bit sorry for myself today....
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Old 11-08-2010, 01:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Greenfingers View Post
I cannot do just one or two drinks.

the term high functioning alcoholic before I spoke to him about it yesterday. This seems to fit me and my patterns, except I have more of a binge compulsion...He seems to be of the opinion I can drink but I just need to drink less. Why can't he understand I find it hard to limit my drinks and stop myself once I have started?

Feeling a bit sorry for myself today....
If you find that when you start drinking; you cannot stop, you are probably an alcoholic. Big Book Quote

High "bottom" Low "bottom" doesn't matter. Here's what does, as we look back on our drinking history, we can see it was the beginning of a mere fatal progression. In any event, AA tells us that if we're not convinced we are alcoholics and that it has us down for keeps, then to go out and do some controlled drinking. It might serve you well to get a good case of the jitters to become convinced and willing to listen as the dying can be. Step 1, 12 and 12.

Yeps, self pity can be a b**ch haha the good news is that we have a solution for that I suffer from it too.

Alcohol is a depressent and normal people don't try to kill themselves with alcohol. Me!

Blessings to you and email me anytime!

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Old 11-08-2010, 01:16 PM
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Hey Hun! I am glad you posted this. I see that you know that alcohol is affecting you in horrible ways. When you said that alcohol turns you into a verbal and physical abusive person.......i can sooooo relate. The part where you are functioning alcoholic i can't because i can't function at all. I do know tons of ladies that are functioning alcoholics tho. I hope that you get yourself to a meeting...maybe find a womens meeting. Also, its key that your boyfriend support you if you do decide you want a life of sobriety. I do have to tell you I am 66 days sober today and wow how great it is to live sober instead as a drunk. I have to remember on a daily basis how miserable I am when I drink...the consequences guilt and horrible things i do. I hope you get some help and this is a great supportive site to come to.
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Old 11-08-2010, 01:23 PM
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Thank you all for your help and support so far and speedy replies. I am so glad I found this site
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Old 11-08-2010, 01:24 PM
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Welcome Greenfingers

Lots of good advice here already - if you're looking to quit, a recovery program can help a ton and a support group is invaluable since most people have trouble understanding alcoholism.

Good to have you here.
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Old 11-08-2010, 01:35 PM
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I am a high functioning alcoholic. People don't think that I could have a problem because of the things I achieve. I am becoming less functional though the older I get (I'm 35) and the more this addiction gets hold of me.

This site is such a fantastic suportive place to be for people like us. It's too easy to listen to that voice that tells you that your drinking is normal.
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Old 11-08-2010, 01:57 PM
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How are you doing crisplover?
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Old 11-08-2010, 02:24 PM
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Hi Greenfingers

Are you? Maybe. Maybe not. Only you can make that determination.

Sometimes I think it's actually of more benefit to focus on the problem at hand and forget the labels for a while

This weekend was just the last straw in a recent run of bad events with alcohol for me. I'm not sure why I keep going back to something that makes me ill, feel terrible guilt, upset my friends, family and partner, embarrasses me and is really detrimental to my health. I cannot do just one or two drinks. I'm coming to the realisation that I need to stop drinking alcohol-it's only taken me 12 years (since I was 14!).
Alcoholic or not, it's probably time to kick drinking to the kerb - you'll find a ton of support and encouragement here

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Old 11-08-2010, 03:55 PM
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If it's causing so many problems I hope you can give it up for good. It is a toxic substance and doesn't do us any good, really.

Welcome to the best recovery site everywhere!
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Old 11-08-2010, 04:30 PM
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Hi and Welcome,

I hope you find the answer to your question, but I believe that if alcohol is causing you problems in your life, then it's a problem.

And, it's not surprising that your boyfriend doesn't understand. It's very hard for others to know what we go through. That's a good reason to hang out here, because we do understand.
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Old 11-08-2010, 04:37 PM
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Hi and Welcome!
My BF says: Vee, just drink less. My friends don't think I'm an alcoholic (I've surrounded myself with people who drink a lot). My life seems in order. But, I do lead an uncomplicated life with few real commitments and responabilities (no kids, not caring for parents.. It's just earning money and spending money).

But I have this little voice whispering: Vee - you are an alcoholic and there's only one way out.


Vee
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Old 11-08-2010, 04:44 PM
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Hello Greenfingers,

Allow me to administer the Isaiah Alcohol Test:

- Is alcohol causing you more problems than enjoyment?
- Is alcohol a high priority in your life that could not be easily eliminated?
- Do you live in fear of the consequences of future drinking?

Okay, it's not a very professional test. But the super-basic question for everyone who comes here concerned about a problem or potential problem with alcohol is: why not cut it out completely? And if that's difficult, what stands in the way of abstinence?

Living sober is not a bad thing at all. Most of us when we get it going have great and fulfilling lives. But there was always some underlying reason that kept us to the bottle. Same holds true for people with drinking problems less severe than alcoholism.

Hope we can help give you some guidance. It's not an easy decision to make and not one where the road ahead is very clear. But there is a solution for you, I promise.
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Old 11-08-2010, 05:13 PM
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Green, assuming you do have alcoholism, it sounds like you understand the difference between you and your boyfriend. When he says you need to drink less, what he is asking for is for you to be what we like to call a normal drinker. Normal drinkers don't simply "drink less". They let go of the alcohol and what they felt with it after they've had their fill. They don't have an underlying reality that alcohol answers to (provides false answers to actually).

During my drinking years, I seemed to be functioning fine for the most part too. Not that there were not signs of problems. Alcohol took on a normality. I could feel it tiring me out more and more though on the inside. That knowledge stayed with me for years and there's a notion of waste associated with them now for me. The circumstances of my quitting are still a bit of a mystery to me, because I don't know how I did it. It seemed like there needed to be some kind of "event" to propel me into the efforts to quit, but there wasn't. I feel so lucky when it comes to that. I suppose my ultimately recognizing the problem took on the shape of an event for me, and I am sticking with that. If I hadn't done that, then maybe I would have gone on for a little longer, and who knows what would have happened later on.

You might be embarking on a decision phase like that one of your own.
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Old 11-09-2010, 12:28 AM
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To be honest my boyfriend should also watch his alcohol intake as he is a Type 1 diabetic. He drinks most nights after work, gets really drunk at the weekends but is rarely sick at the time. He gets hangovers which make him feel like sh*t but also doesn't realise that there's also a side of him that's not too pretty that comes out when he's drunk-it just takes a longer time to come out with him than it does with me (I don't have the capacity for drinking that he does). In my opinion he also has problematic drinking and from previous experience with other issues (diabetes related) I know he has a penchant for denial. I hope I can get him to understand. I did say no when he offered me alcohol last night so woop, woop!
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Old 11-09-2010, 05:29 AM
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Greenfingers - I can relate to what your boyfriend said about "drinking less". My husband has had that response a few times when I've told him I just need to stop. But the problem is I've realized I just cannot do that. I'm not "normal" when it comes to drinking. Him and I talked yesterday and I think, and hope, he is realizing that I am not like him and "drinking less" is not an option for me. I need to stop drinking all together. So I can relate to the struggles with your boyfriend.
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Old 11-09-2010, 06:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Greenfingers View Post
I suppose if I have to ask the question in the first place, then that would mean I do have some issues with alcohol....
Yeah, you got it in one.
I'm not sure why I keep going back to something that makes me ill, feel terrible guilt, upset my friends, family and partner, embarrasses me and is really detrimental to my health. I cannot do just one or two drinks.
Sounds familiar! The not-knowing-why is actually a part of alcoholism. For me, I was rational and made good decisions in lots of areas of my life, so it didn't make sense to me (or anyone else) that I did what I did when I drank.

He seems to be of the opinion I can drink but I just need to drink less. Why can't he understand I find it hard to limit my drinks and stop myself once I have started?
Because he isn't an alcoholic and hasn't been educated about it. "Normal" drinkers don't get it. As far as their understanding of drinking goes, they may as well be a completely different species!

I have a good job, rent a lovely house, have a job with serious responsibility and in general a good relationship with my boyfriend. I have had periods within my life of significant depression coupled with alcohol and substance misuse, but have always really managed to hold it all together. Without wanting to play the world's smallest violin, life hasn't always been great for me but that's no excuse. More than anything I hate the fact my alcohol misuse and problem drinking turns me into a vicious and verbally and physically abusive woman.
I could have written exactly that at 26, and I wish I had! If you are ready to get help and quit this path, I recommend checking out an AA meeting or some other live and in-person form of help.

It doesn't get better. As a high-functioning alcoholic in my 20s, I never would have believed it could happen to me, but it can and will if you keep drinking -- one by one alcohol will start to take those things away from you (the job, the house, the relationship). In my case, it started with the relationship, but by the end it was chipping away at the rest. I am blessed that I still have my job and my house, but I could have lost them both quick as you can say "DUI".

I have heard of a woman in a similar situation as this who is a doctor; she quit drinking and was holding it all together, but then went back to alcohol after a couple of years. She lost her job and medical license, she lost her house, she lost her partner, and she is now in a halfway house trying to piece her life back together. I am not going to let that be my story.
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Old 11-09-2010, 02:41 PM
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How are you doing today Greenfingers?

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Old 11-09-2010, 04:00 PM
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I am becoming less functional though the older I get and the more this addiction gets hold of me.

Ditto this.
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