Vicious Circle, and I'm stopping TONIGHT.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: florida
Posts: 15
Vicious Circle, and I'm stopping TONIGHT.
new here, thought i'd share my story. had thyroid cancer, had thyroid removed, and seriously bad anxiety started.....medicine rollercoaster...that sort of thing. starting drinking to alleviate anxiety, and of course, the anxiety only got worse. anxious? drink! then i'm more anxious. drink more! vicious circle. 6-12 beers a day for the last four years...the funny thing is, couple of days here and there when i DIDN'T drink, i felt better, then thought "i'm never drinking again"............then right back to it. no more. tonight i am staying sober. then there's tomorrow, the next day, and the day after that. thanks for listening. peace.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Rangely Colorado
Posts: 80
Hey Pasta-
Yes, it IS a vicious circle. Try this: "just for today". Don't think about tomorrow, next week, Christmas, whatever ... just today. That how any of us make it .. one day at a time. Sometimes, it's one MINUTE at a time. Just remember, when you're walkin' through h***, KEEP WALKING (don't set up camp)!
Yes, it IS a vicious circle. Try this: "just for today". Don't think about tomorrow, next week, Christmas, whatever ... just today. That how any of us make it .. one day at a time. Sometimes, it's one MINUTE at a time. Just remember, when you're walkin' through h***, KEEP WALKING (don't set up camp)!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome!
You're right about the vicious cycle, it's just a downward spiral that always gets worse. Staying sober has improved my life by improving/changing my attitude. And because I'm seeing things differently, things look different to me. (not trying to sound simplistic or cliched, but you know what I mean) I'm glad you're giving it up, it's so rewarding to live sober.
You're right about the vicious cycle, it's just a downward spiral that always gets worse. Staying sober has improved my life by improving/changing my attitude. And because I'm seeing things differently, things look different to me. (not trying to sound simplistic or cliched, but you know what I mean) I'm glad you're giving it up, it's so rewarding to live sober. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: florida
Posts: 15
thanks very much. the funny thing is NO ONE I KNOW EVEN SUSPECTS I HAVE A PROBLEM.....i was only drinking alone in my apartment at night, never driving, never at work......that made me feel even worse.....kind of like living a lie....not good.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Hi and Welcome,
I also began drinking to self-medicate anxiety/depression and that was such a big mistake.
My anxiety was through the roof when I was drinking.
I still have to deal with anxiety on a regular basis, but I have learned to manage it for the most part.
I also began drinking to self-medicate anxiety/depression and that was such a big mistake.
My anxiety was through the roof when I was drinking.
I still have to deal with anxiety on a regular basis, but I have learned to manage it for the most part.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Originally Posted by pasta 
thanks very much. the funny thing is NO ONE I KNOW EVEN SUSPECTS I HAVE A PROBLEM.....i was only drinking alone in my apartment at night, never driving, never at work......that made me feel even worse.....kind of like living a lie....not good.
Welcome to SR!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome, Pasta! Glad you're deciding to end the cycle - it will do wonders for your anxiety. I can relate so much to wanting to stop, only to start drinking again a day or two later (or even the same day).
We're all doing this together - it's so much better with support! Keep reading and posting!
We're all doing this together - it's so much better with support! Keep reading and posting!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: florida
Posts: 15
not a drop of booze last night, slept well, feeling pretty good today......thanks to everyone for supporting me here on this board.....compared to some others here, my recovery should be a cake walk, so i can't whine much! best to you all in your efforts. peace.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3
Boy,can I relate
Suffering from three distinct things I can identify; alcoholism, depression, anxiety. The depression came first (many years ago), then depression with _extreme_ anxiety (which prompted me to start drinking), and then alcoholism. Going in for a week of inpatient tomorrow to clear out my brain, but I'm worried the anxiety will still be there--it really did come before the drinking. I wish I had the strength to say, "this is it", but so far hasn't worked.
The funny thing is, I believe that alcohol may actually saved my life, back when I was in the absolute worst of my depression/anxiety. I remember feeling absolutely suicidal, and then, after a few nips of vodka (I hadn't yet built up my tolerance) being able to sit down with a good book munching peanuts. I actually have journal entries. It worked when no other antidepressants/benzos did.
The bad news is, I'm not sure I prefer it that way. If I had to do it all over again, I would go through the depression, and if it was bad enough that I killed myself, well, my wife (ex-wife now, sigh, how I miss her) would have inherited a decent estate and been able to get along with her life. As it is, I lost my wife, who really meant more than anything else in the world to me; I still need to overcome alcoholism, and am having some horrible experiences along the path to that; and then I need to completely rebuild my life, which is simply overwhelming to contemplate. Like I say, better to have gone through the depression and either not have come out, or come out clean, than what I'm going through now. Or at least that's what I feel now
You sound very determined. I wish you all the best.
ykk
The funny thing is, I believe that alcohol may actually saved my life, back when I was in the absolute worst of my depression/anxiety. I remember feeling absolutely suicidal, and then, after a few nips of vodka (I hadn't yet built up my tolerance) being able to sit down with a good book munching peanuts. I actually have journal entries. It worked when no other antidepressants/benzos did.
The bad news is, I'm not sure I prefer it that way. If I had to do it all over again, I would go through the depression, and if it was bad enough that I killed myself, well, my wife (ex-wife now, sigh, how I miss her) would have inherited a decent estate and been able to get along with her life. As it is, I lost my wife, who really meant more than anything else in the world to me; I still need to overcome alcoholism, and am having some horrible experiences along the path to that; and then I need to completely rebuild my life, which is simply overwhelming to contemplate. Like I say, better to have gone through the depression and either not have come out, or come out clean, than what I'm going through now. Or at least that's what I feel now
You sound very determined. I wish you all the best.
ykk
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: florida
Posts: 15
I still need to overcome alcoholism, and am having some horrible experiences along the path to that; and then I need to completely rebuild my life, which is simply overwhelming to contemplate. Like I say, better to have gone through the depression and either not have come out, or come out clean, than what I'm going through now. Or at least that's what I feel now
You sound very determined. I wish you all the best.
ykk[/QUOTE]
ykk, being alive is worth it, man. nothing is impossible, please remember that. thanks for your kind words. i can literally say that the last thing i want or NEED right now, at this moment, on this planet, is a drink.
You sound very determined. I wish you all the best.
ykk[/QUOTE]
ykk, being alive is worth it, man. nothing is impossible, please remember that. thanks for your kind words. i can literally say that the last thing i want or NEED right now, at this moment, on this planet, is a drink.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Pasta,
You are overwhelmed and sometimes saying take it one day at a time doesn't get across. Let me try to put it another way. You have to use the Salami Technique.
You've seen those big salami's and other meats before they are sliced up right? They are a couple of feet long and five inches across, give or take.
Let's say you love salami. And you crave it so much that you try to eat the whole thing at once, and jam it in your throat, you'll choke on it right?
But if you take that salami do the work to cut and slice it into paper thin slices, instead of choking on it, you eat it and it is gone before you know it and you have to go and get more.
You are trying to stuff everything down your throat at once, of course you are choking on it all.
That is why you see the word plan here so much, and why we don't do it alone, because we need others who know and have been through exactly what you have to give you support and feedback.
You need to make your plan first. Of al the things that you mentioned, for me, the number one priority is to stop drinking/using/whatever, go through detox, and then get a clear head. That is the first slice. Just focus on that. Then you prioritize each part of the other things you mentioned. Then take the first one and slice it into doable small slices, then take the number two priority and slice it up and before you know it you will have made some real progress.
Sure it is scary and takes work. There is no magic, not reven strength really, you see being powerless is not even close to the same thing as being hopeless. Just our giving up on beating our addiction, and getting whatever help we need to get sober and stay sober has to be number one. Then we have more ability to tackle the rest one paper thin slice at a time. Hope that helps.
You are overwhelmed and sometimes saying take it one day at a time doesn't get across. Let me try to put it another way. You have to use the Salami Technique.
You've seen those big salami's and other meats before they are sliced up right? They are a couple of feet long and five inches across, give or take.
Let's say you love salami. And you crave it so much that you try to eat the whole thing at once, and jam it in your throat, you'll choke on it right?
But if you take that salami do the work to cut and slice it into paper thin slices, instead of choking on it, you eat it and it is gone before you know it and you have to go and get more.
You are trying to stuff everything down your throat at once, of course you are choking on it all.
That is why you see the word plan here so much, and why we don't do it alone, because we need others who know and have been through exactly what you have to give you support and feedback.
You need to make your plan first. Of al the things that you mentioned, for me, the number one priority is to stop drinking/using/whatever, go through detox, and then get a clear head. That is the first slice. Just focus on that. Then you prioritize each part of the other things you mentioned. Then take the first one and slice it into doable small slices, then take the number two priority and slice it up and before you know it you will have made some real progress.
Sure it is scary and takes work. There is no magic, not reven strength really, you see being powerless is not even close to the same thing as being hopeless. Just our giving up on beating our addiction, and getting whatever help we need to get sober and stay sober has to be number one. Then we have more ability to tackle the rest one paper thin slice at a time. Hope that helps.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: florida
Posts: 15
instead of drinking tonight, i did the following:
had a nice dinner
talked with a friend on the phone
got some paperwork together for work stuff
had some coffee
read some of a book i just bought
AND I FEEL GREAT!!!
had a nice dinner
talked with a friend on the phone
got some paperwork together for work stuff
had some coffee
read some of a book i just bought
AND I FEEL GREAT!!!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
You're doing great, pasta! I just had a big old piece of pecan pie (major sugar feast...). I love it that a bit of something to eat even helps when those cravings come up. Keep the faith - it just gets better!
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