Pumpkin Soup

Yet again I have given in to it - so sorry to those I was trying to stay on the same day with (for the 2nd time) and sorry to any newcomers who are looking for inspiration - dont look at me for sure - im very good at talking the talk but it seems I cant walk the walk. I've not given up though I will be back to day 1 soon, in my heart of hearts though I dont think it will be tomorrow - sorry folks - i'm a loser - I enjoyed my evening out - drinking having a laugh - now i'm back on my own - drinking drinking drinking oh and smoking, drinking and smoking (just normal fags) but drinking and chain smoking - double trouble - I need a wee but I'll just have one more fag before I go upstairs to relieve myself, urgh. Im gonna stop now cos im annoying myself. sorry everyone.

Dee74

Hi Pumpkin soup

I struggled for a long time trying to 'drink well'...that is drink like other folks seemed to be able to, with no problem...no drinking alone, no obsession, no embarrassing behaviour...

I couldn't do it.

The day I admitted that to myself and the day I admitted what I was, was a turning point.

It was the worst day of my life but it's come to be one of the best days too.

My life is so much more than I ever thought it could be now.
I think you deserve that too, PS.

D

least

The only apology you need to make is to yourself, not to us. Why not start over tomorrow? Tomorrow's as good a day as the next... Forgive yourself, dump the booze, and start fresh tomorrow.... cause when you wake up it'll be today!

Anna

I agree, in fact, start right now. Get rid of the booze and don't buy anymore. Plan to do something else instead of going out drinking to have a laugh. Change your thinking and change your routines. You can do this!

Snarf

The feeling you have of disappointment in yourself for drinking, I want you to remember that feeling. Is it worth the hell you put yourself through, just to go out and have a few drinks? Certainly not. If having fun for a few hours means I'm going to be upset with myself for it later, that doesn't sound like a very good way to spend my time. Why do something now that will cause you heartache the next day?

Thanks for being here. You can do it; there's lots of people here who are doing it every day. They have tons of experience and support to share with you. This place has helped me tremendously, and it continues to do so every day.

NEOMARXIST

I only got sober when I was ready to get sober. Until I was ready then nothing anybody said to me made any difference.

I was through with booze and drugs and having a laugh out with pals was long since over. I am so grateful for hitting my personal rock bottom at 23 and also for my acceptance that I'm an alcoholic. I was ashamed to be a drunk but I'm so grateful to be an alcoholic. I could move on and heal and recover but only when I was done drinking. Only when I saw that the only options for me if I drank would be death, prison or psychiatric wards was I able to no longer rationalise any sort of middle ground for me and booze.

All The best

Pumpkin Soup

Thankyou both - as I am currently drunk I cant promise anything - not that any of my promises to my nearest and dearest ever really came to anything recently anyway - all I can say is that this site is definately helping me its amazing I had a sober friday after drinking on thursday so things are moving in the right direction - im not so terribly drunk that I am gonna fall over and hurt myself im actually in the "nice" drunk feeling that I rarely get anymore but yes I am drunk and if I carry on much longer maybe that will happen - im lucky that it doesnt very often. Soon I will start playing old fave tunes on utube then eventually I will be too tired to carry on and go to bed - thats the way it usually goes - tommorrow i will feel ashamed but at least nothing bad has happened (unless something does but thats not something usual for me luckily)

Anyway, I'm drunk so best ignore me till the morning - if I have the nerve to check back in I will accept all the grief I deserve - although I think I wont get that from you lot in here which is why at least I can manage to own up to my mess ups.

Isaiah

Not going to say anything great about the drinking, but the fact that you've got your mind on this site suggests you've a foot on both sides. Silver linings and all.

When you're back tomorrow we'll see if we can't put away some of the shame and focus a little more on stronger commitment, eh? This can all be put away and wont be worth much rumination, but what you want to do next is what is going to matter most.

Sleep well.

VeeTee

Pumps, It might be time to drink a large glass of water, pour down any leftovers and go to bed! I get the timezones very confused, but I think you can still make it to that Sunday meeting you had planned.

Please don't procrastinate getting back on track - we don't know how many chances we have.

all the best
vee

Pumpkin Soup

Isaiah, thank you.

Cant think straight at the mo.

Who are the people you put in your pics? You changed it recently - just curious?

VeeTee

.. and when I say "pour down any leftovers" I mean "DOWN THE SINK"

Pumpkin Soup

Thanks V but im already drunk so telling me to pour that last half bottle of vino away isnt gonna work im so sorry but im in that zone and I dont know what can overcome that other than some major global disaster like an astreroid is gonna kill us all so lets all love each other and shag like rabbits and make the most of our last minutes on this planet - hmm now what would I do with those last minutes? I would go lie down with my daughters and just tell them its time for a big snuggle though my eldest would be against all that so I would have to tell her why and that we are all gonna die - jeez I have gone off on one - sorry - time to stop and realise that I am really quite very very drunk now - sorry

Dee74

I think Vee Tee has some sensible advice PS.

Tip it out, drink some water and go to bed.
Tomorrows a new day.

D

Pumpkin Soup

Feel better now - had some crackers and cheese - sorry to cause so much bother xx

HideorSeek

You are NOT a bother. That's why this site is HERE. Someone (sorry, can't remember who) posted..."Don't look back, it's not the way you are going". Even if there's not much booze left, think of dumping it as symbolic of your commitment to YOUR future.

BTW, I agree with Isaiah, that if you are posting now and feeling remorseful, that is a positive sign that you have "a foot on either side". We're here to root for the best one!

Isaiah

Boy, have you forgotten who you are talking to.

Food is good. Get yourself some water too, plus a glass by the bedside for the night, get some sleep. The better you feel in the morning the easier it'll be to get started on sobriety plans.

Moo Moos

Pumpkin Soup, I agree with Isaiah, the fact you have come to this site must mean something to you.... is this how you really want your life to be? As a Mother myself I knew this is not how I wanted to be, I knew this is not the person I wanted to be or for my babes to see me like this and so I got on the road to being SOBER. Jump in you will love it

Pumpkin Soup

still interested in your pics Isaiah - who are they?

Ok - water and bed - prob take the pc up and look on here a bit longer

soz

LaFemme

Hi pumpkin! Don't know if you are still up...I wont ask you to pour leftovers down the sink right now...but maybe do it before turning in so you don't havevthe temptation in the am....I can't tell you how many times I did that And guess what...it finally worked:-) be safe, rest well And rememberwhat Scarlett said....tomorrow is another day@!

LaFemme

Oh...and I agree with pumpkin...I am curious too about Isaiah's pictures...wondering if they are himself:-)