startingagain

OK, so here goes. I checked myself into an outpatient program (12 weeks of group sessions 2 days per week) in June 2008. I relapsed in December of that same year. It took a little while to get back to full-on drinking, but when I did, it was so much worse. A few days ago, my husband found vodka in my bag (I was pretty "smart" and put it in a Nagalene water bottle). Anyway, he was totally disgusted. He doesn't understand addiction at all, and sees it purely as a character flaw. I looked for meetings during the work day, but can't find any. I'm more comfortable with online anyway. I wonder: can I make this work? I'm still not sure, but I felt good when I woke up this morning, sober. I have a lot going for me in my life (got my masters while drinking, with a full-time job and 2 small kids) but I can see how alcohol could trump any other priority in my life. Scary. I never thought it would come to this. Thanks for letting me share...I'm cautiously optimistic today.

Dee74

Welcome to Sr startingagain
You're right - alcohol can very easily slip in and become our main priority.

I urge you to look at all your recovery options - the more things you have in your corner the better

You'll always find a lot of support here - good to have you with us
D

Zebra1275

Welcome. Keep coming back. SR is a great place to hang out but I've found I also need some face to face time at AA meetings.

Opivotal

Welcome Startingagain.

I remember the water bottle. Horrible to get caught. We think we're so "smart". Believe me it is no character flaw, it's addiction. I'm happy to hear your getting some help and wish you all the best. Congratulations on getting your Masters Degree it's quite an accomplishment. Especially with children to care for. Take care and let us know how you make out.

Pumpkin Soup

Hi starting - day 2 again for me as well - I recently took some vodka out in a water bottle with me too - I didnt get caught - I do feel for you. Lets keep in touch and support each other - Im feeling great for not having a hangover today but its Saturday afternoon and I am going out where ppl will be drinking later and that nagging devil keeps popping up. I must do some serious browsing on here later before I go out!

Good luck to you and welcome.

least

Welcome to the family! Put your heart and soul into sobriety and you too can win over alcohol!

AmericanGirl

Yes, you can do it! Keep posting.

BurningChrome

Hehe, Ahh.. The old vodka in the water bottle trick... Just so you know, you are _Not_ alone :-) Many have done this, including myself. In answer to your question, Yes, you CAN do this. You just have to break out of the cycle or habit you are in of drinking every day long enough to look back on it and realize that, that is NOT a normal or natural thing to do! I to obtained my graduate degree with honors in a highly technical field and used that as "proof" that my drinking was Ok. It wasn't! I am one month clean this weekend and moving forward, you can too!!

kdr143

Hey Babe! I know how you feel. I have a few relapses in my story...and like you said it got worse. Each time was worse and worse. And i know if i choose to drink again i will surely die from it. I remember the sick addiction of hiding liquor. Mine was jaguar hot in my drawers, closet , hidden everywhere. I am 65 days sober today. You can do this babe just remember one day at a time!!! I have to constantly tell myself "I AM NOT GOING TO DRINK TODAY". And then i wake up sober..and do it again,
muah

Isaiah

Hey, glad you're coming back! A lot of people never want a day 2.

Can you make it work using the internet/SR as your support? Might I suggest another compromise?

Keep using SR but keep looking for additional alternatives too. It is certainly more comfortable using the internet, but too much comfort isn't necessarily a good thing. There is a greater accountability when you use in-person support groups/counseling.

startingagain

Thank you so much, everyone! I most definitely feel VERY alone in all this. It means so much to me that others who may SEEM normal, also pull tricks like the water bottle. What a desperate move, ugh. Weekends are always the hardest, since I'd started day drinking fairly early. I just don't know what to do with myself sometimes.

maimai

yep, water bottle, other bottles and one time I put it in the fridge with some koolaid and labeled it "hummingbird food" so no one would drink it. Luckily my fam would never volunteer to feed the birds...

I have been there.

I have hidden booze in just about everywhere/thing I could think of... you know, b/c I was okay just didn't want to drink in front of any one.. *ahh the lies I told myself*

Hang in there, read, post and know that people are here for you!!!

You are not alone....

Zebra1275

I think the water bottle trick is pretty common.

artsoul

Hi starting - welcome to the forum. After I relapsed my drinking eventually got worse, too. I spent the last year of my drinking promising to quit and being unsuccessful.

Take it day by day (or hour by hour) and remind yourself that you deserve a life free from addiction to alcohol. And hold onto the feeling of waking up sober - it's great isn't it?