Lotus2009

Hi everyone,

I have to write a paper for one of my classes. Without going too much into detail on the paper... I am required to write about my own philosophy on a topic of my choosing and so I thought of maybe putting bits and pieces of my own life into the paper to give examples of the topic in a real life setting. I'm not sure yet whether I'm really going to include it, or if I'll change it to 3rd person narrative or just put it into general terms (depends on how personal it's going to get). But I started writing and was retelling the phases I went through while living with AH - I focused a lot on my perceptions and feelings of the situation in regards to my topic and it hit me how depressed I was during that time. I knew I was depressed, but looking back now I think I was a lot more depressed than I thought I was at the time. And then I started thinking about what got me through this time... and I realized how big of a part SR played in me not going completely insane!!! So I wanted to send all of you a BIIIGGG THANK YOU !!!!

I am better now, but I also realize that I'm not completely recovered. I have bouts of anxiety and times of depression every now and then, but I think my lows aren't quite as low anymore and I know now how to better cope with these kinda things.

Have any of you had problems with anxiety and depression after leaving your AH - and how long did it last? I've left AH several months ago (April, I think) and it's just shocking to me how much all of that affected me... to the point where months later I'm still dealing with the emotional aftermath. He is sober now and we have hung out several times (though he still doesn't have my phone number) and I'm living in a healthy environment, so things should be going well, but I still seem to be pretty fragile and it doesn't take much to leave me completely overwhelmed.

Just getting some of this out... would love to hear other people's experiences.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

transformyself

So glad to see you here! You sound like you're doing wonderful.

kdr143

I was married for 3 years been divorced 4 yrs and still go thru alot that my AH put me thru. I have alot of issues that i'm working on that contributed from him. Big resentment also. My sponsor told me to pray for him every night. It actually has helped first i thought this lady done lost her mind. lol
muah and hang there
God is doing for us what we couldn't do for ourselves

Lotus2009

Thanks, Transform

I'm having a good week... but I definetely still have my bad weeks, with lots of anxiety... if I had posted last week I would have probably sounded completely different... But ODAT!

notforgotten

Sure... but I'd say the anxiety I feel is complicated by feelings about the indirect consequences of having stayed with him.

In addition to emotional fallout from his addiction and my responses to it, I feel a sense of lost time, potential, youth, etc; things I unknowingly sacrificed on the altar of our relationship.


For me (probably for many others), I wasn't able to engage with my career (though visa issues presented particular constraints). Underemployment during our relationship has had consequences for me now, as I look for work.

Another is the issue of building or rebuilding a social network. Many people my age (thirties) simply don't have the time or energy to invest in non-essential relationships (friendships) - you know, people have jobs, kids, parents, their own lives. Some hang-ups around being around younger people (who may share similar interests, and are available, but, because of their idealism, may be judgemental).

So in many areas of life, I'm striving to sustain my sense of value, and my self-esteem - often without social reinforcement (e.g., not hearing back from prospective employers is a big one).

The very act of striving is wearing in itself. Building a new life can be tiring. But it's worth it. And, the only option!

Trying now to do a bit less striving, actually...

----

Sorry, been out of this relationship three months. The relationship lasted 5 years and we lived together for the duration (met 4 months before moving in together).

Yes, I feel fragile. But have found many people (apart from employers) understanding and kind. It's when I think of measuring myself against the world - because I have to, for financial survival - that I feel most anxious. I'm not as organized or driven as I need to be; I feel flaky and lost, sometimes. Some days it can be hard to muster enthusiasm for projects I like - very sensitive to disappointment; focus not entirely clear just yet.

Around my ex... I fully accept the impossibility of our relationship - I mean in no way would I wish to be back with him. Saying that, I do miss some of the good times we had (there were some, actually), and worry for his well-being. I do what I can to support him in a way that makes sense to me and doesn't cause me particular suffering.