Patk

Hi,

I would like to know if there are any studies that have been done to see if there is a relationship between groing up in an alcoholic home and marriage rates for those adult children. I come from a family of 5 kids. I am married, two kids, my oldest brother divorced then remarried his first wife 15 years later. 2nd brother married fo 6 months. I cannot recall any of my brorhers or sisters ever saying when we were younger, "I want to get married and have children someday..."

Not sure if I am reading too much into this (my family's situation), or if it is not just a coincidence, that studies indicate a clear causal relationship between growing up as an ACOA and lower marriage rates, and therefore child birth rates....

My father has two brothers and a sister who all have children. I know nothing about my cousins, so I am unaware if they have the same reluctance to get married and start a family like my siblings,

Patk

DesertEyes

Hi there Pat

Actually, yes.

NIAAA Home

... has _mountains_ of research. You could spend the rest of your life just reading studies. However, none of that will do you any good when it comes to your own particular situation. All those studies are just averages across larger groups. The only person who can make improvements to your life is _you_.

Mike

Patk

H Mike,

Thank you very much!

Patk

kudzujean

I've wondered that myself. But what I wonder about more is how many ACOA's have children. IME, lots of them don't. I know my sibs and I never talked about when we would have kids one day.

Among me and my 2 sibs, only 1 had any kids...and she had just one.

coyote21

I am an only child of an only child, was married to an only, (she's an active alcoholic and an ACOA) and have an only child. I was in Alanon for over 3 years before it dawned on me that my beloved grandfather, who basically was my surrogate dad, was probably an alcoholic. Although not the mean kind, more the friendly/mellow type. Which, I can now finally see, would still be pretty annoying to my gmaw and mom as a child.

Which would explain my gmothers weird behavior, which I always thought was just run of the mill neurosis, but upon reflection seemed to have been untreated codependency. Which would also explain my mom's behavior, which I would classify as ACOA, which trickled down to ME! Oh joy. She married 3 different drunks. IDK, I could be wrong, but all the players are dead, so no one is left to ask. Seems pretty text book though, knowing what I know now.

I remember not wanting to ever have any kids, lest I eff 'em up trying to parent. My poor daughter may never realize just how lucky she is that I waited till I was 49 to give in and become a dad. I've mellowed/improved some over my 20's. I'd have hauled ass back then, and left her to be raised by her mother's clan with absolutely zero recovery.

A least I'm some what self-aware, which is head and shoulders over many. Wish I'd found recovery in my 30's instead of my 50's, but too late to do anything about that now!

It seems like there would be lots more traffic over here, too bad. Does this make me a TRIPLE winner?

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

Patk

Dear kudzujean and Coyote21,

Thank you very much for your replies. I think it would be useful if I could find out the drinking habit of my grandparents, on both sides of the family. Unfortunately, all four of them are dead, and both my mother and father rarely talked about them, or what it was like growing up in their respective households. When I was younger I did know both grandmothers, who seemed quite "normal" to me (i.e. no overt signs of drinking or mental issuses). All I have to go on is that both my parents came from Catholic Irish backgrounds. I do know my father's father died at a young age (early 40's), but I nevr knew if the cause of death was alcohol related. Never met him or my mother's dad, who I was told was a streetcar conductor.

My father's two brothers and one sister all had children, and on my mother's side, her only brother died young at 32 (diabetes).

So, I probably will never find the "missing pieces" (if there are any), to the puzzle. My two older brother who are 54 and 53, are both very well-educated and successful career wise, but just bristle when I try to bring up this subject; family history of drinking.

Patk

EveningRose

I know my older sibling didn't really plan on having kids (had two but was then very determined to stop there.) My younger sibling has 2--and is very upfront about letting people know they're both birth control failure. My youngest sibling isn't married at age 31.

I have quite a few kids. But I am seeing how I believe my family of origin has affected my marriage. I chose someone who treated me better than they did, and it took me years to realize that the things he did and said, were still abusive. Although he does not hit, when I read a book on abusers, it sounded like the author had been in our home watching my husband. I believe now that I didn't have the background to realize how abnormal it was. Yes, I knew it was wrong and hurtful, but it was still better than what I'd grown up with. I think, too, I was too quick to believe the first guy who said he loved me, because of my background.