Isaiah

So there I am sitting in a city park with a book and I see two younger guys passing by. One takes a bottle and takes a drink (Sure, it's a bottle of water. People in this city love fancy water.) They get closer and I see the tell tale mark of a vodka brand (vodka=my poison of choice, I know the markings.) Took another large gulp to finish it and tossed it in a garbage can.

Ballsy? Unbagged, very public, in a part of town where cops patrol constantly. To say nothing that it was a whole fifth. Either a lot of defiant behavior involved or alcoholic recklessness. I'm thinking it's the first; it seems common that alcoholics, those I've met and myself, were shameful of open displays.

Did I drink in public? Sure. Quietly in bathroom stalls (doesn't that make you feel dirty?) or poured into water bottles. And so much fear of getting caught all the time. And I was too; became obvious when I'd be found passed out in a lobby somewhere. To this day there's a place in town I'll be arrested at if I enter due to a trespass notice.

Reckless... maybe it was the only way I could spice up a life that was pretty much confined to rushing through a workday so I could go home and drink? Working a tedious job and oblivion, but I was too drunk to try anything different.

glitterfairy

Amen to that Brotha!

I'm ashamed to admit to all the bottles that I hid vodka in.
I think defiant behavior tips the scale but gosh I felt fearless when I drank.
I even got caught with a flask entering the space needle. He let me through.
I'm sure we all got creative in hiding when thinking we'd have to brave the world without it.

Lilly03

I was just thinking about something like this today. Not exactly the same but there's a lady I see who walks around a building by me every day. She keeps a blanket on her head walks down a street turns around in circles, sits..then gets back up. I've seen her do the same routine on the same part of the same street several times a week for several weeks now. I live in a major city and see alcoholic/addicts every time I leave my apartment. I was thinking today about how it breaks my heart a little every time I see them. While I never lived on the street I know in a lot of ways I'm just like them. I think it reminds me of the lack of control I had over myself when using.

tomdecel

You remind me of a trip to Mexico. We were staying in a timeshare. My ploy was to get up earlier than everyone else and volunteer to go to the market a couple of blocks away to p/u the fixings for breakfast. Of course my backpack would contain a hidden large empty water bottle. I would buy my Vodka for the day, go to the bathroom in the market and pour into the water bottle and throw away the empty Vodka bottle in the trash.

On my last trip, I tried a new market and did just that, except that I threw away the receipt in the toilet to destroy the evidence. It was one of those markets with a security guard at the door checking receipts on the way out, so they called the cashier to quiz her about what I paid for. As they started to argue in Spanish and I made a dash for the exit and somehow got away. Man the stupid things I would do for my fix.

Isaiah

Some of the people I've gotten to know real well in the program, my regulars, have had some "bottom moments" that for me at my peak would've been a lucky day.

I don't think the severity and anguish of alcoholism is dependent upon how embarrassing the stuff you do is, but I notice from getting to know a lot of people's stories well that I guess some of us are just more prone to pushing the idiot line.

Isaiah

But yeah...

Just seeing someone swilling on a busy street not too far from rush hour. And me sitting like a little angel with my book on a bench. I just felt at once a sense of gratitude that I was in my position and not his, and secondly realizing that I'm still not a week from my last drink.