LS2

I know that it is unhealthy for us to get involved with the A's recovery...or in my A's case his choices of white knuckling it to get what he wants.

I just need some feedback if this is out of line or a good plan?

4 DWI's and on probation he can "skip" out on jail (suppose to serve 30 days in Dec. each year for five years) by having 5 close people write letters stating that he has been sober the whole year and yadda yadda.

The first year 2008 he had to serve it, 2nd year I was enabling and wrote that he was sober, when he wasn't of course, This year he got his license back by having 5 ppl write letters stating how he is sober(I didn't write it), now it is time for him to turn in the 5 letters for the jail time...He will probably get the same people to lie that he got for his license thing.

He has been sober since March of this year because I told him to leave or go to rehab...well it dwindled down to him being sober but is not in any recovery program or hasn't done any recovery program because you know, he's been there done that already, I don't need treatment attitude.whatever.

Soooo, I am really at my wits ends with him and his behavior towards me and our kids...emotional abuse. Would it be "none of my business" to be writting to the judge my thoughts and about his drinking? I mean this is sad, but I'd really like for him to be just GONE for a while. 30 days would be really great for me to get things together and all the things I need lined up. Avoid chaos and the crap he pulls. I feel like a bad person, is this wrong to want him to serve his 30 days in jail? Not that my letter to the judge will mean anything but maybe it will.

Thanks, I am so lost.

Still Waters

I think the judge is interested in if your AH is a menace to those on the road by drinking and driving....him being an a&& to you and the kids is another issue entirely.

If he is sober, then he's legal to drive.

Sounds to me like you need a plan for you and the kids.

Spirit08

I can Understand your frustrations. Don't make the decison for selfish reasons however.

It will be difficult to forgive yourself. Not a good idea. Have you ever done an old idea inventory?

Write down your old idea and then how it affects you, Pride, Anger, Greed, Lust, Sloth and Gluttony and then your shortcomings, selfish, self-centered, inconsiderate, resentful or frightened and your feelings of separation, isolated, withdrawn, set apart (that's done TO you) ...also,whether it affects your ambitions (security), survival (fear), self-esteem...

Then, get someone to give you a new idea and a spiritual principle you can hold onto.

patience, tolerance, love, understanding, courage, integrity, honesty, openness, willingness, forgiveness to name a few. Pick one and hold onto it.

A new idea might be to ask God for guidance and pray for him.
another, don't do anything, another, pray to change the things you can.

Dont control, manipulate the situation for your advantage
Don't give your unsolicited opinion
Don't point out his shortcomings or embarass him publicly.

I'd suggest making his probation officer aware of it, however or the police if you know he is drinking and driving. AND TELL THEM HOW IT AFFECTS YOUR CHILDREN. THEY ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT TO THINK OF HERE.

You can be honest with the State's attorney's office too.

Hope that helps.

naive

hi ls2-

my vote would be to do nothing.

i wouldn't write a letter to bail him out. i wouldn't write a secret letter to convict him. i would take nothing to do with any of it.

and i don't think you are a bad person for wanting him gone. i think that's a sane, reasonable thing to be feeling.