cedes2012

I don't know how many times will this relapse make in this year but he has done it again. He seems to do his relapses, go to meetings the next day feeling all sorry for himself and seeking help but the next day he turns around and says he doesen't need any meetings that he doesnt need to go to them everyday. This is awfull though, it is getting to disrupt our everyday life.

This time joe got violent, he wanted to take our computer to pay the drug dealer that he owed but i didnt let him so instead he took our engagement ring and a gold necklace that he had bought me. It sucks. I guess we are not engaged anymore. I guess this was not enough for joe so instead he sold our car for drugs. So now not only did he lose his job, but we do not have a car to go looking for another job. I don't know how much longer I can put up with this. It is really hurting us in a way that will be irreplaceable. My feelings are pretty much blank. I want to believe that he loves us but how can i when his actions say otherwise. I do not or will ever understand because I am not an addict. Please someone help me understand before it destroys my family once and for all
Thanks.

Taking5

Why is understanding this so darned important?

Imagine you are walking alongside a lake and your pants burst into flames. What are you going to do, try to figure out what caused the fire or jump in the lake? You are going to jump in the lake thats what!

So put the fire out in your personal life and be done with this guy. Trying to figure it all out is counter productive and more than a little foolish.

Also, unless you use that computer as a pillow he will sell it for drugs soon.

Kindeyes

cedes2012
Welcome to SR....although I'm so sorry for the circumstances that bring you here. I hope you're able to spend some time here. I have found tremendous comfort from my SR Family and Friends. I hope you do too.

Addiction is a family disease. It's not just the addict who is affected. Eventually, we become just as sick as they are. Have you considered attending Alanon or Naranon meetings? I found that once I started to focus my attention on me and not on my AS, I started to feel better....my life began to improve.

Stick around. Read the threads at the top of the forum (called stickies because they are always there). Share your story. We will share our experiences with you and we all learn from one another.

gentle hugs

Freedom1990

Violence is never ever acceptable. Violence is not love.

Just from what you've posted, he's never been in real recovery. He goes to one meeting and then he's done with meetings.

Addiction is progressive; it only gets worse, never better if left untreated.

Had I stayed with my abusive EXAH, he would have eventually killed me.

Please look into Alanon or Naranon meetings for yourself.

Contact the nearest domestic violence center, and ask to speak to a counselor. You are in danger. Love won't stop him from killing you if he really goes off the deep end.

Please keep posting. We care about you.

dollydo

To me, there is not a whole lot to figure out. He is in the throws of active addiction.

I do not know who the "We" is, but if it is a minor child, the entire toxic enviorment is maginified.

There is no family in the senario you are living in...it is just Joe and his addiction.

There is no reason for you to put up with this nonsense for the long run. Make a plan to get out.

If you do not have a plan, you plan to fail.

Keep posting it will help.

cedes2012

He has been in active recovery. He was sober for 2 years before he relapsed again. I guess the reason why i stick around with him is because i know that if he has done it before he can do it again. Plus I am one of those people that once they set their mind to something they are stubborn with it. I've set my mind to help him through this because i am not an addict i see myself as a bit stronger and able to help him out, but obviously i cannot. Yes the we involves a minor. Our 5 month old daughter. We've been engaged for almost 2 years and lived together for that time. It has never been worst than this time when he tried heroin for the first time. I try to leave but there is something that stops me in the inside. It is like I really don't want to because i know that once i leave he will get better. when he is not using he is the best man ever. I guess that is what keeps me hanging on, the illusion that he will get better and be the man of my dreams. But i am afraid that by that time my feelings will be so hurt that i will not love him anymore. I am actually getting to that point of feeling blank on the inside because of all the lies and cheats. I don't care about the materialistic stuff I care about what he tells me, and that is that he loves us and that in his heart he really does not want to be that drug addicted person. I guess that keeps me hanging on and fighting with him through this but I don't think i can go much longer. I don't know it is vry very hard. I wish I could go to alanon meetings but i cant. I am completely alone here with no body to babysit our daughter. That's why i came to this forum, in hopes of getting some support.

cedes2012

I dont want to wait around for him to turn into mr. wonderful. I know she doesn't have a choice, I really don't want to stick around any longer but it is like every time that i tell him that if this happens again we are done, I seem to take him back. I don't know why. Maybe i am being selfish, i realy don't know what keeps me from ending the relationship once and for all. That is what I am really struggling with. This time I am determined to do so finally i have told him i am not willing to take it anymore. I am not going through another relapse. I guess I am just afraid on the insde of being alone with my daughter having no body here, my parents are in texas, and i have no friends or family here.

Chino

Are your parents willing to help you, let you live with them?

cedes2012

Yes my parents are willing to help me but school is what is keeping me here. I've just started college and i've been bouncing around from state to state since I graduated from high school, I just want to stay in one place and get my degree and then go from there.

Chino

Since you seem determined to stay there because of school and an active addict, and your parents are willing to help, what about sending your baby to them?

lc1972

I first want to say that as a new mom I know you are going through a most difficult time and I am sorry that it is happening at what should be such a beautiful time. Babies are so beautiful, innocent and pure and to have such turmoil going on is sad. I also know that I was very emotional after each child for a while so it may be for you also. It is very hard to deal with taking care of a baby and to have added an addict to your daily life. Please look very hard and long at that beautiful baby and ask yourself do you want her to see this or feel the way you are?

I have known my AH for 8 years and been married for 6 and he is the love of my life. He was clean when I met him and for a total of 9 years, that is till about 6 months ago. His drug of choice is Heroin and started using daily around 3 months ago. I learned of it about 1-2 months ago. I will leave him in order to protect my children. He knows this as I told him 2 weeks ago to please move out or I would have to uproot our children and move back to MA. That was after his second relapse in a two week period. I know I was enabling him by doing everything and always being there. I am now healing myself and learning my behaviors that over the years brought us to this point. Thankfully my AH is drug free now for 4 days and is getting out of the detox tomorrow. He has meetings lined up, group sessions and counseling appointments already that he made.

I am new to all of this and taking every bit of advice from the great people on this site. Reading books, peoples posts, the stickies, going to see a counselor and I will be going to my first meeting this week. Please take care of yourself and that baby.

My thoughts and prayers will be with you and yours

cedes2012

I wish but my parents are not in the best financial situation themselves. Shoot they are about to lose their house.

cedes2012

I have only known him for a couple of years. But he was my first love and the father of our child. It is very hard to look at that baby and ask myself why am i putting such an innocent creature through this turmoil, i blame myself everytime and i feel so bad, i just want to know how can i get the strenght to leave the person that i love and have her grow up not knowing her dad. while on the other hand have her grow up watching her dad act stupid. I cannot have that happen.

Thank you for your story. I hope your husband stays on the good track as mine is currently for the last couple of days as well.