fineday69

Well here it goes.. same story as basically everyone else..STBEXAH and I have been married 18 yrs, together 23. Always was a drinker, but it got really bad in 2008.. Forward two years, with numerous stints in detoxes and rehabs. Longest was the Salvation Army for 6 months, but still had drank on the weekend passes. Got hotels then came to the house drunk. After the third time he came to the house drunk I called police and he was taken to jail for violating the order of protection because he was drunk. BTW there has been two previous orders and a domestic charge because he shoved me while intoxicated. He got out of the SA in July, came home(yes I know I was STUPID) , and the drinking got out of control. Lost two jobs in a month, with two ICU stays, four detoxes( that he signed himself out of, sister got him not me), and a week long binge in a hotel room after he was removed from the home. When he went to the hospital BAC was 461.

Ok, Sept 24th he called me and said that he had to do 45 days in jail for violating the orderr of protection in June. Told me that he wanted to spend time with me and the kids, and promised there wouldn't be trouble. BTW he was back in the SA. This was Friday, by Sat afternoon he has started drinking vodka, which he denied. By that evening he was staggering up the steps and I asked him to leave, he did and of course came back and said he just relapsed. NOT. He proceeded to scream at me and call me names if front of the boys. I decided to leave and as I was getting ready he slapped the 13yr. old in the face. I didn't see it, but I heard him cry out and the 9yr old said he heard the slap. Ok, put the boys in the car and left calling police and had him arrested for DV.

My lawyer will be serving him in jail soon with divorce papers and settlement papers. He is broke with no money for a criminal attny, so I'm hoping he will just sign and it will be over.


Yesterday the boys got a letter from him in jail. He told them that "I would 've liked to been able to see you more, but everone thinks that I need to be ina rehab or jail." "And that when I get out this time, we can do the things we used to do without Mom (me) or the cops messing it all up. He also said that he would be sure that no one would ever lock him up anywhere again. Letter also said that the public defender is trying to get his bond reduced on this new charge, that he's planning on taking it to trial.

So do I take this letter to the States Attorney and show them that I think he's flipped his lid? Kinda sounded like he'd bolt if he gets out. I hate the thought of trial, but he's facing prison time for 2nd felony. If he's released on bond, he'll be drunk before he can ever go back to trial. I've done a great job recently with dettaching, don't want to go backwards. Wish his siblings would do the same.

Sorry it's was long. Thanks for being a lifeline lately. And yes I have been too Alanon, need to get back to it though. Any thoughts or words or words of wisdom appreciated.

Taking5

Ask your attorney first. Then if given the OK the states attorney can have a look at it. Let the legal folks make these calls.

Other than that, just take care of those boys and move on. Good luck.

dollydo

I too, would turn the letter over to your attorney.

Sorry that you have to go through this.

Pelican

Thanks for sharing your story. I hope you will make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you!

I encourage you to get active in your Alanon meetings too. The face-to-face support has been a great source of serenity on my craziest of days.

I agree with the other posters that sharing the letter with your attorney is a good move. Let the attorney advise you on your next step.

As a mother, I would also suggest keeping the children from reading such letters from an abusive bully. I would want my children protected from reading that, especially if they are afraid of him getting out of jail early.

Check with your attorney.

fineday69

They did not and will not read any letter like that. Seems like physically he's sober, but mentally he's not.

Pelican

Yes, there is a difference between being sober and recovering.

Your AH is displaying all the same "ism's" of alcoholism. He likely will continue without recovery work.

Good on you for keeping that away from your children. Good Mom!

Spirit08

Do the boys want to see thier father. Did you show them the letter?

Anyway, having had sole custody of my Daughter since she was 4, I highly recommend that you do the same and garnish any wages.

If the state's attorney's charges involve his children (e.g. risk of injury to a minor) , sounds like it was because of his DV arrest that night, then ABSOLUTELY give it to the State's attorney.

I set forth in my Divorce Agreement that visitation would be in accordance with the sentence and there was none, zero. Sounds like you have a shot at that.

Let's hope he signs and it's over wth!

TatliGuzelim

Welcome! Sounds like a lot to bear. Here's hoping that peace and tranquility for you and your kids will replace the drama in the not to distant future.

nodaybut2day

Sounds like HP is giving you a little gift with that letter...hand it over to those who can do something with it.

and WELCOME (officially) to SR.

fineday69

Thanks everyone! He will be served with divorce papers tomorrow. The boys have not seen him since September and they do want too; although I will not take them to visit him in jail. As for the letter I am holding onto it in my divorce file in case I need it. I did let my lawyer know about it. I was told by his sister today that his bond was not going to be reduced so he will stay in jail until the trial starts. Thanks HP!!! So tonight I'm gonna enjoy a peaceful evening watching Toy Story 3 with my 9yr. old.