crazybabie

I am experiencing a terrible phase of grief. I was just wondering if any others went through this when they finally faced that someone they love is an addict.

I would assume that it would be normal persay (I hate the word normal)
After all I have lost someone in the way I know them. I am also wondering since the grief is here will I likely go through the regular stages, that go with grief.

Denial- been there
Accpetance- getting there
Anger- in and out

If anyone would care to share their thoughts I truely would appreciate it.

Thanks,

Ann

My son has been missing over 6 years, and I have gone through many stages of grief to process the pain.

All I can tell you is if you continue to focus on you and do the "do" things of recovery...it will all be good in the end, I promise.

Praying a lot helped me. And meetings.

Hugs

tam

thats what my therapist told me, I was griefing. I dont know the exact stages as there were times I was all over the place, still am, but not as severe. I am past the denial, the anger still appears its ugly head but that
too has lessened. the obession with him also has lessened alot. thoughts come and go, but they dont consume me anymore. the guilt, finally I now know that Im not guilty of anything, I tried so hard to help him, I was a good wife and you are too. we did nothing wrong and no matter how much we show our love, show our loyalty it doesnt matter, we are up against a drug.
I felt abandoned, I was alone. I was frightened to think our marriage might be over, what will I do, where do I go? I didnt want to do anything, I didnt want to go anywhere, I just wanted him back. I waited, I thought and thought this will be okay so I consumed myself into how to help him, how to get back together. over time I started thinking who am I fooling? myself, Im fooling my self and Im robbing myself of life. and of course the forum got me through big time with detachment and coping skills and gave me the push I so much needed to get my own recovery.
I also cried alot, sat alone and cried, but I prayed, I prayed for guidance,
strength and courage. today, I received those answers, Im here, doing better than 10 months ago, things are more normal now in my life, Im not so consumed with him, I dont cry as much, my anger is alot better and Im enjoying things more. Im even laughing alot
Angie, dont be so hard on yourself, your doing fantastic, your getting support the rest will come in time. time heals all wounds.

steve1840

i still feel i am the last person to share thoughts since i am sucha mess most of the time. i can say for me even being at such a low, i have at least passed the denial. there is acceptance sometimes. i am also over any guilt as i know i did more than anyone could for her. i have no anger. i think time is the cure. like tam said, she is much better than 10 months ago, i hope we will all be much better 10 months from now, sooner hopefully.

dollydo

Grief is a normal part of the process. You are grieving what was, what could have been and will never be.

This too will pass, it just takes time.

tam

I just want to add another feeling, panic. this too has lessened alot, yeah it runs through my head here and there, but the gut wrenching panic is much less. there were times I panicked seeing a police car, I panicked going food shopping, I panicked basically all the time. I slept with the phone near by, I had my coat out ready to take action. I would stare out the window waiting.
I would stay inside with panic. every time the phone rang my heart sank, at work it was the worse. or I would panic when the phone didnt ring. there were days I couldnt drive. but on one particular day I got into my car in the garage. I went to start it, I locked my keys in the house. I panicked. I called work screaming for help. my boss rushed over and he found me holding the steering wheel screaming and crying. he grabbed me out, hugged me.. I said I cant do this anymore, please stop this pain, please no more. I cant go on anymore. he just grabbed me tight said yes you can do this, your a fighter, we love you, your a good person, we will help you. then He took a screwdriver and opened the front door. I truly thought that was the end of the world being locked in my car as I had hit rock bottom. I felt nothing was ever ever going to be better for me or for us.today, I often think about that day (and many other days) and say to myself wow, your okay, you made it through , you made it through the darkest days, the darkest hours and no matter what goes wrong or how our day is hard, you say to yourself, I got this far, I can do it and you can. remember as much as we are weak we also can be just as strong.

Kindeyes

CB
Oh yes......I am grieving the loss of my son "as I knew him". But that process is allowing me the opportunity to love who he is today.

gentle hugs

keepinon

Yes, I grieved hard..had to let go of MY dream/fantasy. But..once I knew what the problem was..addiction, I had a place to move from..a direction to go in.

crazybabie

I went to my second al-anon meeting tonight and had a great meeting. They asked if anyone had a topic and I actually said grief, this, is only my second meeting I can't believe I spoke up. I found them very willing to discuss the topic and their experiences.

Thanks everyone,
Hugs,

litehorse

cb - i certainly relate to those feelings of grief - thoughts of what could have been for my son come up very often, but i know dwelling on that will not help things - i pray and put it back in God's hands to make of his life what the two of them work out - i can't make those plans anymore (not like i ever could in the first place - but you know a mother dreams) - the saying "it is what it is" has helped me focus on now but i have had to add to that "and God can handle it" - blessings to you as you find comfort and strength -