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Trying to Stay Sober in Spain

Old 11-03-2010, 12:01 PM
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Trying to Stay Sober in Spain

Hi everyone... I've been off and on the wagon for 2 years now and I'm 26 years old. I moved to Spain a month ago for a job and have 7 more months here. I have been meeting people and trying to find some friends (ones I actually enjoy), but have ended up drunk several times, which leaves me feeling miserable for days afterwards. Everyone seems to say the Spanish people have a "healthier approach to alcohol"-- so I thought I could try drinking with them at their pace, but still it doesn't seem to help. I just want to keep on drinking once I start... and I also feel like even after one glass of wine my personality starts to change... definitely for the worse. On Halloween I met some American girls who invited me to their party. When I got there they were already wasted. Later I went to some bars--and drank-- with other people from the party (the girls were passed out at the house), and stayed out with these randoms until 8 a.m. I woke up the next day feeling completely depressed, sick, and still without true friends. I don't know what to do here... I feel like I'm missing out on the "cultural experience" if I don't go out to the bars and the clubs... but the only way I feel SAFE is staying in my house during the nights and weekends. A guy I work with told me I'm "too young" to not be going out... this happened after I turned down a trip to a vineyard this weekend. I just don't have a support system here and it seems everyone I do meet always drinks a lot... and I feel like saying "No thanks, I don't like drinking" just doesn't cut it. Any advice? Thanks for listening.
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Old 11-03-2010, 12:16 PM
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I got sober in spain and one of the guys i got sober with was 26 at the time...private message me and tell me where you are and ill give you some english speaking meetings to go to if you are down south or barcelona way...i first moved to spain at 24, went home, went back at 30 and got sober at 38!!!!! Might be an idea to get some help now if you are ready...if not you are in for the ride of your life, hold tight and brace yourself;-)
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Old 11-03-2010, 02:17 PM
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Hi flowersinhair

Welcome!

I'm not sure whether the Spanish have a 'healthier attitude to alcohol' or not, but I know for sure that I don't - no matter what country I'm in.

If I can stay sober in Australia, I'm sure you can do this - and you'll see more of Spain and appreciate it far more sober.

I hope some of the meetings yeahgr8 puts you on to will be of use to you

D
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Old 11-03-2010, 02:24 PM
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Hi,

I'm 26 too and I know how you feel when people tell you you're "too young" not to go out. At our age it's almost expected and its definitely one of the harder parts about trying to stay sober at our age. My only advice is to try to find friends whose idea of "going out" isn't getting wasted. There are plenty of fun things to do without drinking. I used to think that it was normal to get drunk everynight at my age. But the more you branch outside of your social group the more you find that most people actually don't feel that way. It must be hard being in a new country and trying to stay sober, but at least you have the chance to start completely over and find friends that can support you rather than trigger you to drink. Good luck with everything <3

Emma
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Old 11-03-2010, 02:33 PM
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I remember lying awake in the police cell after being marched out of a bar toilet in handcuffs by about 8 old bill and thinking to myself is it really worth it? Nobody wants to know you when you're down and out. No truer sentence spoken than that.

Those who say you're too young or whatever other else bullsh*t won't be there for you when you lose your driving license or when you land in hospital or when you are out on the street. For me I experinced first hand that profound realisation that it's very lonely when you're an alkie and addict hellbent on self-destruction. Nobody really wants to know, even the dealers can't be doing with you anymore.

F*ck what anybody else says, it's your funeral not theres. Are you an alcoholic? That's the crux of it for me. If so then you have to get and stay sober or else as Yeahgr8 says, brace yourself because things are going to continually go t*ts up until you lose everything.

It's amazing how those who dish out this advice like "you're too young" are the first to tell you how you should have just stopped at home when you're in the sh*t, with a sickley two-faced grin. Most people ain't alkies, I know that most of the f*ckheads who i used to know would ask me what the f*ck I was doing if I ever went back drinking again. Get and stay sober, it's the best thing to do unless you want to look back on your life with so much pain that another drink and drug is the only solution. Then you're really screwed.

All The Best
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Old 11-03-2010, 03:01 PM
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Welcome to SR! I hope this site can be as much help to you as it's been to me.
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Old 11-03-2010, 03:12 PM
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Hey I'm about to turn 49. I am 4 days sober after a relapse but I had 25 months before that. I wish like hell, to the depths of my soul, that I had gotten sober at 26. It would've saved me tons of finacial, physical and emotional pain.

Good luck and we are here for you. We're on 6 continents too so there's always someone here. (I've always wondered if there might be a stray alcoholic or 2 in Antarctica that found SR).
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Old 11-03-2010, 05:07 PM
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Hi Flowers,
I'm abroad too and know how you're feeling. We seem to think it's harder to explain to new acquintances that we don't drink and why and ..

I am trying to use this time away as a chance to practice and strengthen my sobriety before I see my old mates again, the ones I always went drinking with. I hope this can work for you too.

I agree with what many others have mentioned: Most people don't spend all their social events drinking. There's hiking, sightseeing, eating cake, doing sports, bowling (and any spanish games I don't know).. It's just that we alkies usually have surrounded ourselves with lovely people who we just go drinking with.

You won't regret quitting at 26, but you might regret not doing so.

all the best - vee
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Old 11-03-2010, 08:03 PM
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Hi flowersinhair

To quote Tuesdays with Morrie: Sometimes our culture teaches us the wrong things. The big things--how we think, what we value--those you must choose for yourself. You can't let anyone determine those for you.

It's not easy. I'm 22. I know. But that's just how it is.

Besides, getting drunk every night is overrated. How many of those "good times" would you remember anyway?

Welcome! Good to have you here
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Old 11-03-2010, 08:59 PM
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I remember my trip to Spain being spent in a lot of ir de tapas. But at that time my drinking was moderated. Having drinks is more routine there, but I think the touristy stuff over-emphasizes it. I know there are people in Spain doing other things in the evening and there are alcoholics there too.

I might consider alternatives to this crowd of people. Because there is no way I know of to change drinking habits by changing countries. I expect you'll either have to choose between the heavy drinking of your norm or sobriety.

How's your grasp of the language? You might be able to find meetings online, at the very least they can tell you where the sober hotspots are. I'd offer my services but I actually only Catalan, no Spanish.
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Old 11-17-2010, 10:10 AM
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Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST View Post
Those who say you're too young or whatever other else bullsh*t won't be there for you when you lose your driving license or when you land in hospital or when you are out on the street. F*ck what anybody else says, it's your funeral not theres.

It's amazing how those who dish out this advice like "you're too young" are the first to tell you how you should have just stopped at home when you're in the sh*t, with a sickley two-faced grin.
Neomarxist- The sickley two-faced grin part is totally accurate. Every time I see that guy now his smile always looks sickly. It makes me laugh to myself whenever he's around... thank you.
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Old 11-17-2010, 11:10 AM
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Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST View Post
Get and stay sober, it's the best thing to do unless you want to look back on your life with so much pain that another drink and drug is the only solution. Then you're really screwed.

All The Best

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