what do you do?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: lincolnshire uk
Posts: 16
what do you do?
How do you manage when it's christmas time and people say....go on have a drink, join me/us in a drink.....
I plan on saying...no thanks, i'll have a....orange juice, j2o, etc...and they bang on about you having a drink...?
Do I say
1. I don't drink, thank you
2. I am a recovering alcoholic.
3. It doesn't suit me.
Or maybe i should be nowhere near anyone that drinks alcohol at all.....
What does anyone else say on here to deal with this ridiculous pressure that some people can try to exert?
Answers on a postcard please....
Would love to know what you say....
I plan on saying...no thanks, i'll have a....orange juice, j2o, etc...and they bang on about you having a drink...?
Do I say
1. I don't drink, thank you
2. I am a recovering alcoholic.
3. It doesn't suit me.
Or maybe i should be nowhere near anyone that drinks alcohol at all.....
What does anyone else say on here to deal with this ridiculous pressure that some people can try to exert?
Answers on a postcard please....
Would love to know what you say....
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
Hey isitpukka
I understand thinking ahead, but it's early November...
stay focused, stay sober and you'll be in a different place mentally and emotionally, and hopefully more relaxed, than where you are now...it's as big a deal as you want to make it...I find most people don't care what I drink
try not to worry too much about it now...but for what it's worth, I find 1) is always a good thing to say
D
I understand thinking ahead, but it's early November...
stay focused, stay sober and you'll be in a different place mentally and emotionally, and hopefully more relaxed, than where you are now...it's as big a deal as you want to make it...I find most people don't care what I drink
try not to worry too much about it now...but for what it's worth, I find 1) is always a good thing to say
D
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Depends for me. Who the person is and how do I know them? What kind of relationship do we have?
At an office party I might just stick with the "I don't drink" or "doesn't suit me." I've also used "I have a health condition, I'm not supposed to have any" (which is effective and not a lie either.)
With family... maybe it would be helpful if they knew? Depends on what your family is like.
And it's really no one's business to pry. If you say "I don't drink" and they persist, change the subject.
And if it's a boozefest and you don't feel comfortable, don't go. If you're stressed out with temptations or drinking it's not going to be much fun anyway.
My two cents.
At an office party I might just stick with the "I don't drink" or "doesn't suit me." I've also used "I have a health condition, I'm not supposed to have any" (which is effective and not a lie either.)
With family... maybe it would be helpful if they knew? Depends on what your family is like.
And it's really no one's business to pry. If you say "I don't drink" and they persist, change the subject.
And if it's a boozefest and you don't feel comfortable, don't go. If you're stressed out with temptations or drinking it's not going to be much fun anyway.
My two cents.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
I know it's not always easy to find the right words, but use the verbiage that suits the occasion and the type of person prompting you to have some. Some people like to go at it like they're extracting a tooth and will keep going and pursue the topic. Others will lay off.
clear coyote
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: edinburgh UK
Posts: 16
yeah, go with 1) and then innocently ask: "why are you drinking?"
personally I cannot wait to be as bright as a button over the festive period, good luck with whatever you decide.
this is 2010, attitudes are changing!
personally I cannot wait to be as bright as a button over the festive period, good luck with whatever you decide.
this is 2010, attitudes are changing!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Hi Isit,
It is too early to worry about Christmas. A lot will change between now and then.
But meantime, Just say, "no thanks, not drinking".
If someone persists, say "looks like you are having enough for both of us!"
At a work do. Sound really mature and sensible, "I prefer to be able to get around and talk to everyone."
Again, concentrate on today. I, and others are right there with you.
It is too early to worry about Christmas. A lot will change between now and then.
But meantime, Just say, "no thanks, not drinking".
If someone persists, say "looks like you are having enough for both of us!"
At a work do. Sound really mature and sensible, "I prefer to be able to get around and talk to everyone."
Again, concentrate on today. I, and others are right there with you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: lincolnshire uk
Posts: 16
you are all so cool.
so cool to say, hey, looks like your'e having enough for both of us! Love the idea of us being all bright and happy and healthy all christmas while the world goes mad and drunk around us....
You've made me feel like it's going to be really good fun!
You've made me feel like it's going to be really good fun!
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Hi
You know what, for me it was never a special phrase or choice of words that did the trick for me, rather it was how i said what i said that made all the difference. For those occasions requiring my attendance I knew I would need to have a forgiving and happy attitude about myself as I thankfully passed on accepting alcoholic drinks. It's very difficult to convince a happy person that they should have a drink to feel better or fit in, when they are already doing that so well.
I find that folks don't want to feel bad when they offer drinks, they just want to go with the flow and enjoy. If I'm there, and not drinking, and having a good time anyways myself, no one really has a care about my not drinking.
In any case my being there is my choice, my responsibility, my doing. Alcoholism is what was killing me, not being places where people were drinking. If my alcoholism is not checked before I attend such gatherings, then that is my problem and not to be put on the backs of others. I'm either sober or i'm getting ready to have that next drink. Alcoholism is what it is, and being around social events is a challenge only if my drinking is on the menu ie the alcoholic intends on drinking. Knowing our intentions requires us to be honest with ourselves about our drinking. For me, alcoholism is an illness, and so either I'm healthy enough to be social with others while alcohol is served, or I'm not and so have no business being there. I don't trash my alcoholism, an illness is what it is, and so sobriety is what i do about not being a victim and held hostage to my being an alcoholic. Living a sober spiritual life speaks for itself when I'm offered drinks. It dosen't have to be a problem for me or for others being social with me when alcohol is around. It's my business and my responsibility. It's my choice. Saying no with grace and strength, with candor and purposeness, with a huge happy attitude is hard to beat down with continual offers of alcoholic drinks. It's worked that way for many years now, and it serves me well.
There is life after sobriety, don't worry too much about social events, if you're really sober in your own skin, you'll be fine. Sobriety is freedom, not a new prison, so relax a bit and just get good and (spiritually) sober with yourself, and that will get you through any social situation.
Rob
You know what, for me it was never a special phrase or choice of words that did the trick for me, rather it was how i said what i said that made all the difference. For those occasions requiring my attendance I knew I would need to have a forgiving and happy attitude about myself as I thankfully passed on accepting alcoholic drinks. It's very difficult to convince a happy person that they should have a drink to feel better or fit in, when they are already doing that so well.
I find that folks don't want to feel bad when they offer drinks, they just want to go with the flow and enjoy. If I'm there, and not drinking, and having a good time anyways myself, no one really has a care about my not drinking.
In any case my being there is my choice, my responsibility, my doing. Alcoholism is what was killing me, not being places where people were drinking. If my alcoholism is not checked before I attend such gatherings, then that is my problem and not to be put on the backs of others. I'm either sober or i'm getting ready to have that next drink. Alcoholism is what it is, and being around social events is a challenge only if my drinking is on the menu ie the alcoholic intends on drinking. Knowing our intentions requires us to be honest with ourselves about our drinking. For me, alcoholism is an illness, and so either I'm healthy enough to be social with others while alcohol is served, or I'm not and so have no business being there. I don't trash my alcoholism, an illness is what it is, and so sobriety is what i do about not being a victim and held hostage to my being an alcoholic. Living a sober spiritual life speaks for itself when I'm offered drinks. It dosen't have to be a problem for me or for others being social with me when alcohol is around. It's my business and my responsibility. It's my choice. Saying no with grace and strength, with candor and purposeness, with a huge happy attitude is hard to beat down with continual offers of alcoholic drinks. It's worked that way for many years now, and it serves me well.
There is life after sobriety, don't worry too much about social events, if you're really sober in your own skin, you'll be fine. Sobriety is freedom, not a new prison, so relax a bit and just get good and (spiritually) sober with yourself, and that will get you through any social situation.
Rob
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
'One day at a time'
recovery for me is a 'one day at a time deal' and I only have to avoid taking that first drink 'just for today'. One of the crucial philosophies that my recovery has given me is the ability to live in the present moment and look after today, whilst planting the seeds for a brighter tomorrow. Without this thinking then I would have resented myself back into a drink a long time ago, or had a nervous breakdown.
Last christmas was my first sober xmas and I remember having panicky moments where my thinking raced ahead and I had to reach out on SR and at AA. The general consensus was stop worrying about things in the future and just stay sober for today! It worked.
To be honest last xmas time I just made the decision to get through it as best I could and stay sober no matter what. I had some difficult times during and after xmas and did a lot of projected thinking as to how great everybody is feeling and in the pubs etcetc.
My advice is to stay away from all drinking situations for as much as possible. Don't even allow yourself to be in the position where you're around drinkers/drunks and lots of booze.
For me I realised that if I drank again then I would end up on the street and that would be a terrible waste. So my sobriety and recovery had to come first. I knew what drinking meant for me and it wasn't a happy time. I remember the previous xmas eve when i went out in town and it was one of the lowest periods of my drinking. I blacked out for most of it and was trying to kill the depression and frustration I was feeling by nailing more booze, needless to say I bet I p*ssed a lot of people off and felt so terrible xmas morning. I was craving another drink so bad but I couldn't as my paretns knew I was an alkie so wouldn;t give me a drink until at least the afternoon. I just was a total and utter mess, unemployed, lost my driving license, zero self-esteem and wondering what the hell went wrong in my life. I couldn't carry on like that. It took me another 7 and a bit months to finally get sober.
recovery for me is a 'one day at a time deal' and I only have to avoid taking that first drink 'just for today'. One of the crucial philosophies that my recovery has given me is the ability to live in the present moment and look after today, whilst planting the seeds for a brighter tomorrow. Without this thinking then I would have resented myself back into a drink a long time ago, or had a nervous breakdown.
Last christmas was my first sober xmas and I remember having panicky moments where my thinking raced ahead and I had to reach out on SR and at AA. The general consensus was stop worrying about things in the future and just stay sober for today! It worked.
To be honest last xmas time I just made the decision to get through it as best I could and stay sober no matter what. I had some difficult times during and after xmas and did a lot of projected thinking as to how great everybody is feeling and in the pubs etcetc.
My advice is to stay away from all drinking situations for as much as possible. Don't even allow yourself to be in the position where you're around drinkers/drunks and lots of booze.
For me I realised that if I drank again then I would end up on the street and that would be a terrible waste. So my sobriety and recovery had to come first. I knew what drinking meant for me and it wasn't a happy time. I remember the previous xmas eve when i went out in town and it was one of the lowest periods of my drinking. I blacked out for most of it and was trying to kill the depression and frustration I was feeling by nailing more booze, needless to say I bet I p*ssed a lot of people off and felt so terrible xmas morning. I was craving another drink so bad but I couldn't as my paretns knew I was an alkie so wouldn;t give me a drink until at least the afternoon. I just was a total and utter mess, unemployed, lost my driving license, zero self-esteem and wondering what the hell went wrong in my life. I couldn't carry on like that. It took me another 7 and a bit months to finally get sober.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
P.s.
I got sidetracked before...
I wanted to add....it's probably a really good idea to weigh up all social occasions carefully in early sobriety...
I didn't go to parties until I knew I was ready for them, and personally I'm glad I chose the cautious route.
D
I wanted to add....it's probably a really good idea to weigh up all social occasions carefully in early sobriety...
I didn't go to parties until I knew I was ready for them, and personally I'm glad I chose the cautious route.
D
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Usually.....we worry about that stuff way more than anyone else does.
I take Pride in saying, No Thanks. Seriously. I don't owe anyone an explanation as to why I'm not going to be the one making a fool of myself.
One moment at a time, sometimes. And....stick close to SR!
I take Pride in saying, No Thanks. Seriously. I don't owe anyone an explanation as to why I'm not going to be the one making a fool of myself.
One moment at a time, sometimes.
And....stick close to SR!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I try to remember that I do not owe anyone an explanation as to what I drink or not. It's a highly personal choice for me. No, thanks always works for me and if someone continues to press, I just smile and say nothing.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I got sidetracked before...
I wanted to add....it's probably a really good idea to weigh up all social occasions carefully in early sobriety...
I didn't go to parties until I knew I was ready for them, and personally I'm glad I chose the cautious route.
D
I wanted to add....it's probably a really good idea to weigh up all social occasions carefully in early sobriety...
I didn't go to parties until I knew I was ready for them, and personally I'm glad I chose the cautious route.
D
But any time I'm offered a drink, any time of year.. I simply say no thank you, and order water/soda/tea/whatever I feel like having. If pressed, I feel it's no one's business as to 'why' anyways, and say that I don't drink alcohol anymore. Most people don't care enough to press further than that, honestly.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,900
Originally Posted by coffeenut
I take Pride in saying, No Thanks. Seriously. I don't owe anyone an explanation as to why I'm not going to be the one making a fool of myself.
About the same here, a simple 'no thank you'. And if they press on, I use the broken record technique by saying 'no thank you' over and over until they they finally get.
Sept 30, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,672
Your sobriety is no ones business but your own. Stay focused on your resolve. Stay committed to your program. Stay YOUR course.
Whatever excuse you use is not important and will be forgotten by the next day, but sabotaging your sobriety will not. Especially if you are talked into by someone else.
Where is it written that a toast at a wedding must have champagne? Same with the holidays, where is it written that you most consume alcohol at a gathering in order to share in the joy of the occasion.
Make mine club soda with lime, please..... and keep them coming. No excuses needed.
Whatever excuse you use is not important and will be forgotten by the next day, but sabotaging your sobriety will not. Especially if you are talked into by someone else.
Where is it written that a toast at a wedding must have champagne? Same with the holidays, where is it written that you most consume alcohol at a gathering in order to share in the joy of the occasion.
Make mine club soda with lime, please..... and keep them coming. No excuses needed.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
Not too much to add, great responses!! I just say no thank-you...I don't drink.... I shoot it straight up now...I'm proud of my choice and not afraid to let others know of my lifestyle change.. I get some responses and looks but it doesn't bother me... this too will be my first sober Christmas..and I'm looking forward to experiencing it in a new way!!
I just say no thank-you...I don't drink.... I shoot it straight up now...I'm proud of my choice and not afraid to let others know of my lifestyle change.. I get some responses and looks but it doesn't bother me... this too will be my first sober Christmas..and I'm looking forward to experiencing it in a new way!!
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 232
I have a back-pocket excuse..
should I get into a situation that I feel the need to say no but dont want it to go any further..
"Would you like a drink..just one to celebrate with us?"
"No thank you, I have wicked heartburn right now".
Im saving that one..lol
should I get into a situation that I feel the need to say no but dont want it to go any further..
"Would you like a drink..just one to celebrate with us?"
"No thank you, I have wicked heartburn right now".
Im saving that one..lol
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