tangerinegirl

...would like one day of my life when the word "addict" or "addiction" isn't involed in it. we have a local website/magazine here, and yay, it has the mug shots of recent arrest...and lucky enough my daughter has graced it's pages yet once again. the new issue of the magazine hasn't came out yet. but the the website is updated daily. And she of course is on it. She had the honor of gracing it's cover two issues ago. (the magazine)...(comes out every two weeks). wondering if she will grace next weeks cover. And of course, nosey by nature, locals and neighbors, all now know my daughter has been arrested once again. The "I'm so sorry" phone calls have began....again.

I wish i could figure out how to not be embarrased by this.
I wish that stupid website/mag did not exist.
I wish that i could have a normal conversation with someone,...anyone...that did not involve addiction.
I wish i knew, whoever even figured out how to make flippin heroin, ...pretty sure he or she would suffer significantly.
I wish I could just quite being angry.

And most of all I wish recovey for my daughter. To get back the child i had before drugs came into her life.

Right now, I wish I could sleep.

lc1972

That feeling of embarrassment is a hard one to shake even when you accept that you did not do this and cannot control it. Those web sites and magazines/papers I think were designed to cause embarrassment for them, but it does not phase them. Maybe you could let the phone ring and go to voice mail instead of answering for the time being. I found also when someone would bring it up with me I would turn the conversation. Such as I heard about and so sorry my response has been simple thank you and I would then talk about anything. Like I had the best time with or at and my kids are the greatest they did this.

I found that for me letting go of the anger made me feel better. When I was angry I was sick to my stomach, had headaches, and so on. I just said over and over and over to myself this is out of my hands and I cannot fix it. I also exercise a lot it helps me feel better. I am sending out prayers for you, your family and your daughter.

Kindeyes

tangerinegirl
lc is so right. Those websites/magazines/papers etc. are meant to embarrass the addicts or criminals but it doesn't work that way. It does more emotional damage to their loved ones than it does to the "addict".

I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this.

And I wish I could give you a gentle hug right now.

Freedom1990

My 32 year old AD made Sedwick County's 10 most wanted several years ago. That was broadcast on all Wichita tv stations, which are all the "local" stations we get in my small town. Not exactly an accomplishment a mother wants to see her daughter achieve.

BBD

Hi T~~I'm so sorry your feeling blue. Its a horrible feeling to shake. I remember when my son was active in his addiction it was hard just driving for me. The more I learned and really understood this disease the more I could handle. My son was never arrested but just knowing my friends knew about his lfestyle was tough. IF ANYONE said anything to me I just repied with "Your so lucky your kids have never experienced this disease"....and thats exactly what it is. Some kids can play with drugs and others get hooked. I'm praying that in time THAT gene can be found and distroyed before a baby with it is born. Keep your head up and tell those friends that this conversation is just too hard for you now.......hugs and smiles, Bonnie

keepinon

:ghug3 from mom of a RAD

Lenina

tangerine,

Sending hugs and love your way.

Love,

Lenina

cherrie1

I know how you feel, I feel all the same things myself. I know I did not cause this but as a parent I can not help being embarrassed by the addicts actions. It is so hard because if you are not affected by this disease you don't understand. Hugs!!!!!!

newnormal4me

I am so sorry you are once again having to go through this. ****{HUGS}}}

As far as the normal conversations go, that is a desire of mine too! And I have found it is in my grasp to claim...this is a small step I am taking. I am making a pact with myself to quit hashing and rehashing with people, and to quit engaging in endless conversations about my AH and the topic. It does nothing but increase my anxiety, stress, and really does nothing good for me. I am finding more peace by not engaging in these types of conversations...but I admit it is often my own problem and not always others. Over the past few years, I have sought people out to listen to my babble about this stuff. It is almost kind of an addiction of mine because something happened today and it took serious effort to not call someone and do the hash/rehash. The desire then passed in time thankfully! I have no idea what you are dealing with in this, but just thought I'd share my experience. No matter what the nature of it is...i.e. we drive it or someone else, we do not have to engage in it. Take care.

tangerinegirl

i do "normal" conversations with people that don't know me. In my job, i meet new people almost daily. I have actually in the last few years, have almost craved meeting new people. The ones that don't know yet, the ones that haven't judged yet. But alas, i haven't quite figured out how to skip around the truth. The ones that know, she had six months under her belt clean, and, I, in my hopefulness, thought it was the end. Even with those guys, i wanna say everything is fine. It is not. So, now, my reality, is i put my kid in jail...I did good today though...she called twice, i did not accept her calls. Man that SUCKED!!! Found out today, (one of my clients, ..(i am a hairdresser)....she works for the police department)....that there is a "bad" batch of heroin going around...7 people OD'd within the past week. They busted the biggest heroin dealer in my city....yay....I think it maybe weird and i am in this so hard that i was the only person worried when this happened!!...reality is...you bust the biggest dealer...twelve more come along with different product,...sad reality is...you're addict, doesn't know the product....uses the same amount of that crap as he/she did before and od's. .....that is the reality here now. Tonight, I am okay with the fact i had her arrested and she is jail and can't use. Tomorrow, who know. >>>>they get their ....just for today...this is mine.....Just for today, i know my AD is safe. She is not using. I know it is my "fault" she is there. But, just for today, I know my Mama instincts led me in the right direction, and she will NOT

tangerinegirl

NOT DIE TONIGHT!!!!..................(hit the wrong button) thank you all for letting me come here and get what i want to shout at the world, of my mind.

Chino

I stopped in our little country convenience store last night, and thought of you immediately. I was standing at the counter and a local weekly paper had about 15 mug shots on it's cover. They were all drug related. I shook my head and asked out loud why in the world is this necessary? Everyone in there was of the same opinion, said it only embarrasses their families and it's hurtful. One older man was truly outraged, asking whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty? A woman said at least they aren't obituaries.

I'm glad your daughter is safe tonight and I'll pray for her recovery. I think I'll add those other faces, too

tangerinegirl

thank you so much for thinking of me i didn't know my daughter made the "cover" until i went into pay for gas...there is a shocker for ya.....put a 20 on pump one please,...oh, and i guess i will take one of these...what a crock of crap, that our society drives so much on the unfortunate situations of others! Is it really my business that your brother, sister, cousin, did whatever....nope, is it anyone else's that my daughter got busted for pocession of heroin...nope, but my goodness...for entertainement value, let's sell my family's "secrects" for a buck....some body, some where, makin bank off of it! and these are the days of our lives....

tangerinegirl

I will add...that i would rather see my daughter's mugshot, than obituary. On that point, that lady is right. 100%

keepinon

Maybe your HP was letting you know with that bad batch of heroin news, that you did the right thing by calling the poilce.BTW YOU didn't put her in jail, SHE put herself in jail.Glad you were able to not answer those calls. Hang in there, Tangerine.