My fiancé is getting addicted to Adderall. What should I do?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 1
My fiancé is getting addicted to Adderall. What should I do?
My fiancé abused illegal drugs and alcohol when he was younger. He told me about his history when we met, and I accepted him because aside from being one of the most wonderful men I had met in my life, he didn't abuse substances anymore. But see, he has, among other things, an addictive personality. He takes everything in excess - milk, ice cream, Tic Tacs, coffee...everything! I found it weird but not alarming. He has had issues since he was young - social anxiety and ADHD. He has suffered from these his entire life, and his social anxiety was what led him to alcohol and drugs in the first place.
A few months ago, he was prescribed Adderall (dextroamphetamine, a stimulant) by a doctor for his ADHD. There are warnings about its abuse potential. My fiancé's doctor knows about my fiancé's addiction history, so I don't know why he thought it would be safe to prescribe a highly addictive drug to him, but he did, and that's why I'm here. You can guess what happens when an addictive substance is prescribed to a person with an addictive personality. Yes, my fiancé is now abusing Adderall. From Friday night until today, he hasn't slept. He took almost all his pills, and less than half of his bottle remains. He started with his usual dose, kept taking more because of a deadline at work, and didn't stop until he was done with everything that he had to do for work. Right now, I'm trying not to panic. He's still alive, hasn't overdosed or anything, and I can't believe it. I'm afraid that he won't wake up tomorrow or something, but I'm trying not to think about that.
I've heard about how addicts lie and cheat and steal and abuse their women. My fiancé is nothing like that. He's dead honest. He doesn't keep his issues from me, and tells me openly about his addiction. He's gentle with me, and treats me well, except when I don't and can't have his full attention when he's high on Adderall. I guess you can't expect somebody who's high to be all focused on you, huh? The addiction is certainly a problem. He has abused Adderall 3 times already since it was prescribed. He does recognize the pattern, and admits he sees how he has started to treat it the way he treated illegal drugs before.
I want to support him and be there for him. He's not a bad person, and he has never abused me. He can't harm anything or anyone else - just himself. That's the problem with him; I've never doubted his love for me, it's his love for himself that's in question. We are going to be married in December. I love him so much; he's already a part of me. Leaving him would be like ripping my own heart from my chest. I know I can't leave him when he needs me most. And I know he needs me most now. If I leave, he'll probably overdose and not care about himself anymore. My love for him has helped him to believe in himself.
He says he can see how much this is hurting me, and that this isn't what I signed up for. He says that if I decide to leave him, he will let me go to protect me from this. The thing is, I also want to protect him from this. I want him to stay alive. He says he will keep trying to overcome this; that he has to accept that he still is, indeed, an addict, instead of trying to come up with reasons. He says he will keep trying to win against his addictive personality, even if it takes the rest of his life. The recovery will probably be a long process that will require a lot of my patience. I love him so much that I want to give him all the help, understanding, and support he needs. But at the same time, I might have to deal with this for the rest of my life, and I don't know if I can handle that. He said last night that he would go back to the doctor, tell him what's up, and ask him for a drug with less abuse potential. I'm happy that he's thinking about doing this, but at the same time I'm scared that he'll end up abusing even the drug that doesn't have as much abuse potential.
This is not what I signed up for. But he's also the love of my life. We have dreams and goals and so many good memories. How can I turn my back on them, on him?
I hope somebody could enlighten me. Thanks!
A few months ago, he was prescribed Adderall (dextroamphetamine, a stimulant) by a doctor for his ADHD. There are warnings about its abuse potential. My fiancé's doctor knows about my fiancé's addiction history, so I don't know why he thought it would be safe to prescribe a highly addictive drug to him, but he did, and that's why I'm here. You can guess what happens when an addictive substance is prescribed to a person with an addictive personality. Yes, my fiancé is now abusing Adderall. From Friday night until today, he hasn't slept. He took almost all his pills, and less than half of his bottle remains. He started with his usual dose, kept taking more because of a deadline at work, and didn't stop until he was done with everything that he had to do for work. Right now, I'm trying not to panic. He's still alive, hasn't overdosed or anything, and I can't believe it. I'm afraid that he won't wake up tomorrow or something, but I'm trying not to think about that.
I've heard about how addicts lie and cheat and steal and abuse their women. My fiancé is nothing like that. He's dead honest. He doesn't keep his issues from me, and tells me openly about his addiction. He's gentle with me, and treats me well, except when I don't and can't have his full attention when he's high on Adderall. I guess you can't expect somebody who's high to be all focused on you, huh? The addiction is certainly a problem. He has abused Adderall 3 times already since it was prescribed. He does recognize the pattern, and admits he sees how he has started to treat it the way he treated illegal drugs before.
I want to support him and be there for him. He's not a bad person, and he has never abused me. He can't harm anything or anyone else - just himself. That's the problem with him; I've never doubted his love for me, it's his love for himself that's in question. We are going to be married in December. I love him so much; he's already a part of me. Leaving him would be like ripping my own heart from my chest. I know I can't leave him when he needs me most. And I know he needs me most now. If I leave, he'll probably overdose and not care about himself anymore. My love for him has helped him to believe in himself.
He says he can see how much this is hurting me, and that this isn't what I signed up for. He says that if I decide to leave him, he will let me go to protect me from this. The thing is, I also want to protect him from this. I want him to stay alive. He says he will keep trying to overcome this; that he has to accept that he still is, indeed, an addict, instead of trying to come up with reasons. He says he will keep trying to win against his addictive personality, even if it takes the rest of his life. The recovery will probably be a long process that will require a lot of my patience. I love him so much that I want to give him all the help, understanding, and support he needs. But at the same time, I might have to deal with this for the rest of my life, and I don't know if I can handle that. He said last night that he would go back to the doctor, tell him what's up, and ask him for a drug with less abuse potential. I'm happy that he's thinking about doing this, but at the same time I'm scared that he'll end up abusing even the drug that doesn't have as much abuse potential.
This is not what I signed up for. But he's also the love of my life. We have dreams and goals and so many good memories. How can I turn my back on them, on him?
I hope somebody could enlighten me. Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Hi, First let me welcome you to SR. There will be people with alot more knowledge than I have come along shortly. One of my first thoughts is if he sees this, is addictive for him why dosen't he go to the doctor and get something for ADHD that is not addictive? I also have ADHD and that is what I would, do. I may be wrong here but he likes how he is feeling and this could trigger him into using other things.
I've heard about how addicts lie and cheat and steal and abuse their women. My fiancé is nothing like that.
My husband of 26 years wasn't like that untill recently either please do not fool yourself into thinking he can never become that way. He dosen't physically abuse it is the emotional from his use.
He can't harm anything or anyone else - just himself.
Your already being harmed your worried about him overdosing.
My sugesstion is you start going to some meetings to take care of you this, is going to be a long ride.
I wish you the best of luck and like I said there will be some others come along soon.
Hugs,
I've heard about how addicts lie and cheat and steal and abuse their women. My fiancé is nothing like that.
My husband of 26 years wasn't like that untill recently either please do not fool yourself into thinking he can never become that way. He dosen't physically abuse it is the emotional from his use.
He can't harm anything or anyone else - just himself.
Your already being harmed your worried about him overdosing.
My sugesstion is you start going to some meetings to take care of you this, is going to be a long ride.
I wish you the best of luck and like I said there will be some others come along soon.
Hugs,
aka Miss Scarlett O'Hara
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 364
Your story makes me sad for you. Because I was right there at one time. All of the addicts we love are good people deep down inside. My abf is a wonderful person. However, addiction changes people. It changes their brains.. it changes the way they think. They believe that the drug is their survival and they'll do anything to protect it. I wish I could save you the pain that you'll probably go through, but unfortunately, what I've learned is that you have to experience it for yourself to truly understand it all. I wish you the best of luck. Keep coming back here and read lots of posts on this board. It also helps a lot to learn from other's experiences as well. While this is all going on, don't forget to take care of yourself. 
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
> He's gentle with me, and treats me well...
He does now. It is early in his abuse cycle. Let me give you an addict's perspective. I have a lot a regrets in my life. But the one thing I wish I could do to rectify my past actions would be to apologize to the girlfriend I had while I was addicted to amphetamines. She loved me. I told her I loved her, but I treated her like crap. I was a psychotic monster. I ended up dumping her because the relationship with her was getting in the way of my new love affair with crystal meth.
I wish above all things that she could have known me when I was clean.
You're not married yet. Put it off until you have an idea that he's going to work on his recovery. And be successful in it. Before you say you can't do that to him, read through the threads on this forum and look at the misery so many of the folks on here have gone through loving an addict. Then decide.
He does now. It is early in his abuse cycle. Let me give you an addict's perspective. I have a lot a regrets in my life. But the one thing I wish I could do to rectify my past actions would be to apologize to the girlfriend I had while I was addicted to amphetamines. She loved me. I told her I loved her, but I treated her like crap. I was a psychotic monster. I ended up dumping her because the relationship with her was getting in the way of my new love affair with crystal meth.
I wish above all things that she could have known me when I was clean.
You're not married yet. Put it off until you have an idea that he's going to work on his recovery. And be successful in it. Before you say you can't do that to him, read through the threads on this forum and look at the misery so many of the folks on here have gone through loving an addict. Then decide.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 66
While I am kind of in the same place as you I realize that I have to get out. Not because I don't love him but because I do. Unless he is ready to get clean and do everything it takes it will be a cycle of misery. Believe me, I know it's hard as I am living it everyday. Keep posting here, I have only been coming on here less than a week but it has been a great help!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
First of all, welcome to SR! I am sorry for the circumstances that brought you here, but am glad you found us.
Please take time to read through the 'sticky' posts at the top of this forum, and start educating yourself on addiction.
I'd like to address a few things you talked about.
I was married to an addict, as a matter of fact I married him knowing he was active in addiction because I was 100% sure that my love would change him.
I was 100% wrong.
That marriage was a blessing in disguise however, because I was active in addictions too. That marriage was the catalyst in my spiral downwards, and eventually hitting a bottom.
I did have to walk away from that marriage for my own sanity, safety, and recovery.
Thinking that we have any control over protecting or saving an addict is an illusion.
If we had that kind of power, there would be no need for places like SR, or programs like Alanon or Naranon.
I highly encourage you to look into Naranon or Alanon meetings in your area for face-to-face support for yourself.
See about getting the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood is another good read.
As I said earlier, marriage did not solve anything for me, or for him. As a matter of fact, he died a few years ago at the tender age of 47, complications due to AIDS. I could not save him. I could only save myself.
Please keep posting and know that you are among friends.
Please take time to read through the 'sticky' posts at the top of this forum, and start educating yourself on addiction.
I'd like to address a few things you talked about.
If I leave, he'll probably overdose and not care about himself anymore. My love for him has helped him to believe in himself.
The thing is, I also want to protect him from this. I want him to stay alive.
The thing is, I also want to protect him from this. I want him to stay alive.
I was 100% wrong.
That marriage was a blessing in disguise however, because I was active in addictions too. That marriage was the catalyst in my spiral downwards, and eventually hitting a bottom.
I did have to walk away from that marriage for my own sanity, safety, and recovery.
Thinking that we have any control over protecting or saving an addict is an illusion.
If we had that kind of power, there would be no need for places like SR, or programs like Alanon or Naranon.
I highly encourage you to look into Naranon or Alanon meetings in your area for face-to-face support for yourself.
See about getting the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood is another good read.
As I said earlier, marriage did not solve anything for me, or for him. As a matter of fact, he died a few years ago at the tender age of 47, complications due to AIDS. I could not save him. I could only save myself.
Please keep posting and know that you are among friends.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by mrssmcd 
He's gentle with me, and treats me well, except when ...
The addiction is certainly a problem. He has abused Adderall 3 times already since it was prescribed. He does recognize the pattern, and admits he sees how he has started to treat it the way he treated illegal drugs before.
If I leave, he'll probably overdose and not care about himself anymore. My love for him has helped him to believe in himself.
A contradiction???
He says he can see how much this is hurting me, and that this isn't what I signed up for. He says that if I decide to leave him, he will let me go to protect me from this.
He abused his script 3 X and is ready to let you go to protect you from this.
Something here is not ringing true. Is it possible he is in this deeper than you know? Is it possible he prefer drugs to you, right now?
His drug usage has absoltuley nothing to do with you, it just tends to feel that way.
But at the same time, I might have to deal with this for the rest of my life, and I don't know if I can handle that.
This is not what I signed up for.
Does marriage in December make sense? Why not consider giving it a year and give him the space to figure out what's really important to him.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Please reconsider marriage right now.
Marriage is hard enough with two people blending their worlds, while maintaining their own identities. An active addict doesn't know themselves and neither does a codependent enabler, making a healthy relationship impossible.
Another thought -- how do you feel about someone taking their vows while under the influence or with (hopefully temporary) brain damage?
Marriage is hard enough with two people blending their worlds, while maintaining their own identities. An active addict doesn't know themselves and neither does a codependent enabler, making a healthy relationship impossible.
Another thought -- how do you feel about someone taking their vows while under the influence or with (hopefully temporary) brain damage?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
welcome...
first I want to say your not turning your back on him, your turning your back on addiction. My husband of 26 years was a loving,honest good human being until drugs entered in his life then he became a monster, a loving monster or a mean monster, doesnt matter, its not him anymore, its not the man I married. it ruined our marriage.
so personally I would advise you to postpone your wedding, you need time
to re-evaluate your relationship with your fiance. you need to get answers as to his addiction, then make a decision whether to stay together or walk away.
marriage is a commitment, it takes alot of work, you certainly dont need addiction involved.
better be safe than sorry and trust me with addiction you will be sorry.
first I want to say your not turning your back on him, your turning your back on addiction. My husband of 26 years was a loving,honest good human being until drugs entered in his life then he became a monster, a loving monster or a mean monster, doesnt matter, its not him anymore, its not the man I married. it ruined our marriage.
so personally I would advise you to postpone your wedding, you need time
to re-evaluate your relationship with your fiance. you need to get answers as to his addiction, then make a decision whether to stay together or walk away.
marriage is a commitment, it takes alot of work, you certainly dont need addiction involved.
better be safe than sorry and trust me with addiction you will be sorry.
aka Miss Scarlett O'Hara
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 364
I am also going to join with the others who suggest holding off on the marriage. When I first learned of my abf's addiction, I had been wanting to get married. We'd been together for 8 years at the time. My counselor, who I started talking to when all this began, suggested that it was not the time to get engaged. I had waited so long to finally move forward with him to start our life together, and I was being told not to do it... it sucked and I was totally crushed. But I listened, and I'm SOOO glad I did. Things haven't gotten any better and I learned more about addiction and the life that comes with being with someone in active addiction. I now know that this relationship can never work out. Further commitment will only make things harder for you at this point. I would definitely suggest holding off and give yourself some time to understand your situation fully.
Oh, and my abf is a good person too. Always treated me well, was honest and straight-forward until he got hooked on his prescription meds. He still doesn't treat me that badly, he's just not "present". He's not a partner in my life. There's just a body in a chair day after day while I go about my life. We all deserve a partner in life, and shouldn't accept anything less. Give him a chance to figure out and show you what direction he's going to choose for himself.
Oh, and my abf is a good person too. Always treated me well, was honest and straight-forward until he got hooked on his prescription meds. He still doesn't treat me that badly, he's just not "present". He's not a partner in my life. There's just a body in a chair day after day while I go about my life. We all deserve a partner in life, and shouldn't accept anything less. Give him a chance to figure out and show you what direction he's going to choose for himself.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
First of all, do one of the hardest things, and slow down. Try and breathe. Realize nothing is going to happen in the next few moments, or hours, or probably even days.
Your head is spinning, and you want all the answers, to really important things, sooner that might be possible.
Please keep coming back to this forum. We care, and combined have a lot of experience. Many of us have dealt with exactly the same thing as you are coming to grips with.
WELCOME to Sober Recovery. I hope, and believe, you will start finding some answers to what is causing such strife.
Peace...
Your head is spinning, and you want all the answers, to really important things, sooner that might be possible.
Please keep coming back to this forum. We care, and combined have a lot of experience. Many of us have dealt with exactly the same thing as you are coming to grips with.
WELCOME to Sober Recovery. I hope, and believe, you will start finding some answers to what is causing such strife.
Peace...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 82
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
> He's gentle with me, and treats me well...
He does now. It is early in his abuse cycle. Let me give you an addict's perspective. I have a lot a regrets in my life. But the one thing I wish I could do to rectify my past actions would be to apologize to the girlfriend I had while I was addicted to amphetamines. She loved me. I told her I loved her, but I treated her like crap. I was a psychotic monster. I ended up dumping her because the relationship with her was getting in the way of my new love affair with crystal meth.
I wish above all things that she could have known me when I was clean.
You're not married yet. Put it off until you have an idea that he's going to work on his recovery. And be successful in it. Before you say you can't do that to him, read through the threads on this forum and look at the misery so many of the folks on here have gone through loving an addict. Then decide.
He does now. It is early in his abuse cycle. Let me give you an addict's perspective. I have a lot a regrets in my life. But the one thing I wish I could do to rectify my past actions would be to apologize to the girlfriend I had while I was addicted to amphetamines. She loved me. I told her I loved her, but I treated her like crap. I was a psychotic monster. I ended up dumping her because the relationship with her was getting in the way of my new love affair with crystal meth.
I wish above all things that she could have known me when I was clean.
You're not married yet. Put it off until you have an idea that he's going to work on his recovery. And be successful in it. Before you say you can't do that to him, read through the threads on this forum and look at the misery so many of the folks on here have gone through loving an addict. Then decide.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
