afterlife

Hey I just found this website and im extremely grateful because i dont think i could face anyone face to face so its good i found this place.
So here is my story.... I started drinking at age 14 and doing cocaine at age 16, I am 21 now. I knew i had a problem early on and started contemplating going to rehab at about age 18. I had the rare experience of starting my addiction with people as compulsive as me and some more, of course many more were a lot less.
I finally went to rehab about 4 months ago and after two months move on to the second stage of the program to a half-way type, spent all day at the centre and sleep at home, except weekends. After a month of that i relapse and stayed up in misery for three days and spent my 4000 dollars I had managed not to spend before going into rehab. I have drank two more times after that not as serious as the one mentioned but still pure misery.
The reason Im writting this is because I need help and dont know what to do. When I got out of rehab my life seemed amazing I hadnt felt this way in so long and I feel like feeling so happy is what made me relapse. I felt like i could just drink a little bit and nothing would happened just because of how healthy i felt. Now I find myself in a hole, nothing seems possible and the feelings i felt after rehab seem unreachable. I barely come out of my room and am pretty depressed I cant believe how far back one time partying took me needless to say the other two. I really just want to go back to that place where i was a month ago but i dont have the balls to talk to anyone.

Dee74

Hi afterlife

I know you'll get a lot of support here. But sometimes, people need a little more than an internet board - I know face to face stuff like NA or SMART or whatever can be scary - but is it any scarier than the life you've been leading?

If you're in a hole and you keep falling back in, I'd take all the help you can get

D

Draciack

Welcome Afterlife

Early on, a face-to-face support group (AA) really helped me out. I isolated a lot but meetings allowed me to meet others who knew what I was going through. SR helps too. You'll find a lot of support here

afterlife

Hi I appreciate your responses. The rehab i was in took us to AA everyday and i was arrogant and thought of it stupid and fanatic but now i understand why people take it so seriously. I will start going again but i dont know if the answer is AA. do you guys think maybe going back to rehab would be the best answer? bcause i could maybe do it for another month because my view of the world is so dull and dark right now i feel like i need to get away for a while.

Dee74

Hi afterlife - I never went to either rehab or AA so I have no experience to share.

Whatever way you go tho I think you'll need to deal with those dull and dark feelings one way or the other...

D

Anna

Hi,

I have not done rehab or AA either.

Reading your post, it seems like you weren't quite convinced that you could not drink again. You said you felt so healthy that you thought you could manage a drink. For me, I had to accept completely that I could not drink again, my mind started working in a different way.

bellakeller

When I got out of rehab, I'd isolated myself so much prior to getting there that the only people who wanted me around were those in the Fellowship. And thank god for that. I had no one and I'd really messed up my life. They helped me put myself back together and I still go to meetings five times a week even after a year and a half out of rehab. The fellowship has saved my life - I don't care if it's a cult or an organized whatever. For me it works and I hope I spend my lifetime paying it forward.

Best of luck to you and much love. Keep coming back.

Hollyanne

I think from the way you asked, you might go to rehab for the wrong reasons. Go on to AA/NA and get face to face support. Keep in mind you did what lots of people do, "more research" Now you have the answer! You are so lucky to be learning this so young.
It is not easy getting and staying sober, but it easier than what we were doing.
I have had a few ups and downs. You learn. It is OK.
Also, forget your pride etc. Nothing we do getting sober is half as embarrassing as what we have done under the influence so go talk to someone! Maybe start by calling one of the counsellors from rehab. Do you honestly think you are the only one feeling like this? The counsellors might even have done it! Oh, and keep coming here! Let us know what is going on. Big hugs.

afterlife

Yes I think its is exactly what you said. For some reason it is hard for me to remain in one definitive state of mind considering the state of my life at the time. At the beginning, when i was at my lowest i was convinced i could never drink again and the slowly my mind started to change towards "thats ********, what harm can one drink do to me" as my life started to get back on its feet. How can i stay convince? how do you stay convinced?

Dee74

Posting and reading here regularly helped keep me convinced afterlife - a little daily maintenance goes a long way I think

D

afterlife

Thanks a lot for such helpful advice, really appreciate it. My feelings of shame and guilt have been too strong to talk to any of the councilors although i have given it a lot of thought. My original plan, considering i never liked going to AA ( overturning that decision tmrw), was to continue my rehabilitation process with one of the councilors once rehab was over. But yeah you are a hundred percent right, nothing is more embarrassing and shameful than what we do under so it really makes no sense why my behaviour continues. I will give her a call tomorrow and get this over with.

To All: you really have no idea how helpful youve been. knowing that I am not the only one whose ever felt this way (as ridiculous as it sounds) makes me feel great. Thank you for everyones suggestions and responses.

Hollyanne

Good! I am delighted you are going to call, and AA too!
And do not worry, you are most definitely NOT alone!
More big hugs for you! Squishy annoying hugs even!

LexieCat

Hi, and welcome!

Know what? My ex-husband got sober when he was 21, and in January he will celebrate 31 years sober! Back when he started, in 1980, there were relatively few people his age, and his nickname in the rooms was "Young Frank".

He made it to 30 years by not drinking, one day at a time, going to meetings, working the Steps, and working with other alcoholics. He still sponsors a slew of guys. His successful recovery, and that of many others I've had the good fortune to know over the years, inspired me to come into AA for myself two years ago.

You have a beautiful life ahead of you by dealing with this now.

Glad to have you here.

least

Welcome to SR. I hope we can help you as much as this site has helped me.

tjp613

Definitely give your counselors from rehab a call. When my son relapsed and we had to ask him to leave our home, they were so helpful and supportive for him. They even pulled some strings to get him into the best sober living home. The counselors really do care so much and know that relapse is a very common facet of addiction and recovery. They deal with it all the time and would much rather have you call than try to cope on your own. You'll find some really good support here on SR, too...but call your rehab. (((HUGS)))) and Welcome!

artsoul

Welcome - glad you're here! I found that once I got past the shame and pride, reaching out for help was such a relief. Wish I'd done it sooner! I relapsed for the same reason, thinking that after a period of sobriety I could control my drinking. It didn't last long, though, because I always seemed to want just one more drink.

Hope you hang around - we're all in this thing together.