New to SR
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 4
New to SR
Hello,
I am new to SR and hope to use it to stop drinking. I have "quit" drinking more times than I can count on my fingers and toes. In the past year, I have been sober for 4 plus months on two different occasions. This weekend I (stupidly) decided to bring my most recent sober streak to an end.
Here's the kicker: I didn't even have fun last night. I was with my buddies and got drunk at a bar...normally the makings of what I use to consider a great night. I didn't get home until 3am, my wife was less than thrilled, it was expensive (we each spent $40 on pull tabs of all things...something I know to be a losing proposition and would NEVER do sober), and I felt awful today.
I am 31 years old, and my group of friends has one pastime: drinking beers. i have seen people write in this forum that sometimes you have to find new friends if you want to commit to sobriety...easier said than done. Additionally, my wife is a responsible drinker who does not have a problem with alcohol, so it's not realistic for me to not have alcohol in the house.
The hardest part for me is the obsession with alcohol. I am not a problem drinker in that I become mean or get into any kind of trouble when I drink. I am a problem drinker because of the aftereffect. I sink into horrible depressions; I have terrible anxiety the following day, including butterflies in my stomach and difficulty relaxing; I have tremendous guilt (even if I did nothing wrong the night before); it can lead to mood swings/irritabilty; it completely zaps all of my energy; and hangovers last for at least two days, sometimes longer.
I have tried AA and don't think I can go back. I have a hard time enough time opening to my friends and family, let alone strangers. I'm also not comfortable in asking for a sponsor, mainly because I am a little shy and very selective when it comes to meeting new people.
Ultimately, I am trying to find happiness and joy without using/abusing alcohol. This is day 1 (again) in what I know is a long journey. I vow to spend some time on SR each day and am committed to being sober.
Thanks for listening.
I am new to SR and hope to use it to stop drinking. I have "quit" drinking more times than I can count on my fingers and toes. In the past year, I have been sober for 4 plus months on two different occasions. This weekend I (stupidly) decided to bring my most recent sober streak to an end.
Here's the kicker: I didn't even have fun last night. I was with my buddies and got drunk at a bar...normally the makings of what I use to consider a great night. I didn't get home until 3am, my wife was less than thrilled, it was expensive (we each spent $40 on pull tabs of all things...something I know to be a losing proposition and would NEVER do sober), and I felt awful today.
I am 31 years old, and my group of friends has one pastime: drinking beers. i have seen people write in this forum that sometimes you have to find new friends if you want to commit to sobriety...easier said than done. Additionally, my wife is a responsible drinker who does not have a problem with alcohol, so it's not realistic for me to not have alcohol in the house.
The hardest part for me is the obsession with alcohol. I am not a problem drinker in that I become mean or get into any kind of trouble when I drink. I am a problem drinker because of the aftereffect. I sink into horrible depressions; I have terrible anxiety the following day, including butterflies in my stomach and difficulty relaxing; I have tremendous guilt (even if I did nothing wrong the night before); it can lead to mood swings/irritabilty; it completely zaps all of my energy; and hangovers last for at least two days, sometimes longer.
I have tried AA and don't think I can go back. I have a hard time enough time opening to my friends and family, let alone strangers. I'm also not comfortable in asking for a sponsor, mainly because I am a little shy and very selective when it comes to meeting new people.
Ultimately, I am trying to find happiness and joy without using/abusing alcohol. This is day 1 (again) in what I know is a long journey. I vow to spend some time on SR each day and am committed to being sober.
Thanks for listening.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi MD31
Welcome to SR - you'll find a lot of support here. Many of us have found the support here, along with our own effort, has been enough to change things.
Many others find they do need that face to face support tho, and I hope if you find yourself in the category, you'll reconsider about AA or some other recovery group.
After all, we're all strangers here too...but not for long
D
Welcome to SR - you'll find a lot of support here. Many of us have found the support here, along with our own effort, has been enough to change things.
Many others find they do need that face to face support tho, and I hope if you find yourself in the category, you'll reconsider about AA or some other recovery group.
After all, we're all strangers here too...but not for long
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: liverpool uk
Posts: 198
i can't do aa either mate-welcome by the way-you are the only one who can change the way things are-i know this may sound blunt but you need to dis-associate yourself from people who buy you/let you have a drink-even if you just say "look i'm havin probs with ...... blah blah " make it up as you go along if you have to-staying in the circle is NOT going to help you-take a few weeks out from them and do constructive stuff-anything to keep you busy so you're too tired to go out or sit around drinking-i've relapsed so many times i can't remember-but i know my trigger-mixing with people that like drinking and they are called "enablers"-they enable you to have a reason to drink-and that is the thing you want to stay away from-i'm no rocket scientist believe me-but i know who enables me to drink or want to drink-and i'm a weak person-i let them back in again and again-thats why i keep relapsing-right now-it's 5.25 a.m in uk-and i start detox at 9.30-i've lost custody of my son, who i've had for the last 9 years on my own-apart from my friends who say" just have one-oh go on" and everyone i know has turned their backs on me because they help me and i keep letting my enablers back in my life-when i'm stronger i WILL get him back-i'll fight to the death for him-but until i am then i have to endure the daily hell of a quiet house-so aa may not be for you-but cutting yourself off from enablers will be for you-maybe a few nights with the sweats, not sleeping etc-a cheap price to pay to be happy again.
let us all know how you're getting on and keep posting-it WILL help to get it all out.
best of luck.
john.
let us all know how you're getting on and keep posting-it WILL help to get it all out.
best of luck.
john.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: home
Posts: 205
Welcome. I know what you mean about the meetings - I think I'm going to start going, even though I'm beyond terrified. This place is a great start. Very supportive and understanding - as well as knowledgeable. In my opinion you can't really understand addiction/alcoholism unless you've experienced it. One day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: liverpool uk
Posts: 198
lilly-i'm not rubbishing meetings-they are there for a reason-i found them supportive but i'm not a "12 steps" or a religious person-i'd rather just face things head on and try to deal with them the best i can-maybe the meetings will work wonders for you-i hope they do.
best of luck and keep working on it-and keep us posted.
john.
best of luck and keep working on it-and keep us posted.
john.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Land down under
Posts: 433
Hi MD31
Welcome to SR.
Your journey is a personal one and you need to do whatever it takes to stay sober. All I can say is that you need to work on recovering, not just stopping drinking. How you do that is up to you. I do not got to AA either, however I am certainly not against it and find some of their philosophy to be quite useful.
You will get a lot of support here, and a lot of different advice because we are all different people with different experiences. Listen to what rings true for you and don't get too hung up on the rest.
One day at a time buddy - you can do this.
Welcome to SR.
Your journey is a personal one and you need to do whatever it takes to stay sober. All I can say is that you need to work on recovering, not just stopping drinking. How you do that is up to you. I do not got to AA either, however I am certainly not against it and find some of their philosophy to be quite useful.
You will get a lot of support here, and a lot of different advice because we are all different people with different experiences. Listen to what rings true for you and don't get too hung up on the rest.
One day at a time buddy - you can do this.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi MD welcome to SR recovery is a lot more than just stopping drinking, if you don't change things about yourself (which quite often includes changing the people you associate with) you likely won't really recover. SR is a great place to learn and share.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Hi MD,
Welcome.
May I suggest one thing? Run in to an AA mtg and grab a Big Book!
Read it and it will help you. Also, remember, you do not have to say anything at the mtgs. You just say, "I will just listen, thanks".
You are suffering. That is a consequence, no?
You deserve to quit this and this forum is a great place to get support. Lots of people from all over the world here. And, like I was saying, you don't have to "talk" here either unless you want to. (you will want to). I just read and read. It is very educational. Look at all the stories and the "stickies". Glad you found us.
Welcome.
May I suggest one thing? Run in to an AA mtg and grab a Big Book!
Read it and it will help you. Also, remember, you do not have to say anything at the mtgs. You just say, "I will just listen, thanks".
You are suffering. That is a consequence, no?
You deserve to quit this and this forum is a great place to get support. Lots of people from all over the world here. And, like I was saying, you don't have to "talk" here either unless you want to. (you will want to). I just read and read. It is very educational. Look at all the stories and the "stickies". Glad you found us.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
One more thing, I find the true friends who might be big drinkers also, will not pressure you once they understand. The relationship changes but I am friends still with my "drinking buddies". I just visit them at home and have coffee/tea. Also, it annoyed me but, they exclude me from "drinking nights". I was hurt at first until I realized how stupid it was to resent someone for trying to protect me! If someone is shoving drink at you, they are NOT WELL!!! Run for your life!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Alcohol brings on terrible depression. Especially after a night of heavy drinking. Probably why you feel the way you do the next day. Lots of good advice above. Pick any kind of help you are comfortable with. Just pick something to get you on the road to recovery.
Best Wishes to you on your journey!
Best Wishes to you on your journey!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR!!
Though I have been to meetings in the past, I use SR as my main support, these days, along with a few close family/friends. I still use what I learned in meetings.
When people talk about being in recovery, it's because it has to be a way of life. I could stop the crack, easy enough, but I had to learn to live my life and not give into the "I want to be numb" feelings. SR has helped me, tremendously, with that.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Though I have been to meetings in the past, I use SR as my main support, these days, along with a few close family/friends. I still use what I learned in meetings.
When people talk about being in recovery, it's because it has to be a way of life. I could stop the crack, easy enough, but I had to learn to live my life and not give into the "I want to be numb" feelings. SR has helped me, tremendously, with that.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome to the forum! Spending a little time here each day is a great idea - it's really made all the difference for me. I had to take it one day at a time (or hour at a time) at first, and saw improvement ever day. Even at 6 months, it's still getting better, so think positive and hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Welcome! SR is a great support group. It shops to Jan e some type of program in place, even one of your own invention, although this takes more, not less, work. I will also suggest trying to broaden your social group or see if you can change your friendship to a nondrinking one. Also, ask your wife if maybe shed be ok with not having alcohol in the house for a bit just to help you out.
Your post sounded so much like me...it can and does get better!
Your post sounded so much like me...it can and does get better!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Hi and Welcome,
As you said, early recovery involves making some hard choices re friends and lifestyle. I knew immediately that I had to remove a few people from my life. I did and surprisingly, two amazing people appeared in my life who became teachers and mentors. Sometimes, making a difficult change like that can have an added bonus.
I also suffered terribly with anxiety, shame, depression after I drank - so much so, that it would drive me back to drinking. Don't let your negative feelings stop you from recovering.
You can do this!
As you said, early recovery involves making some hard choices re friends and lifestyle. I knew immediately that I had to remove a few people from my life. I did and surprisingly, two amazing people appeared in my life who became teachers and mentors. Sometimes, making a difficult change like that can have an added bonus.
I also suffered terribly with anxiety, shame, depression after I drank - so much so, that it would drive me back to drinking. Don't let your negative feelings stop you from recovering.
You can do this!
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