I did something.. Really I didn't do something
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I did something.. Really I didn't do something
I had a tough day trying to disassociate Halloween with drinking. Started in the a.m. and continued throughout the afternoon. Wept a few tears over it.. Talked to my husband about how I seriously refuse to believe that the human mind is so weak that I can't change my bad habits and learn to live on good habits. Stress, boredom, and holidays I cannot change.. but the way I associate them with drinking I truly believe can be changed. I've done some research and thus far, the majority of addicts go back to their old drinking habits even after a year or years of controlling it.
A "social" drinker is someone who doesn't even think about when their next drink will be. I'm not at that point, but I don't accept that it isn't possible. I thought about drinking a lot today and realised I'm definitely not passed this mental addiction. But, I would like to work on getting to that point, and hopefully, with success, not even realise that I am at that point. If I can get passed it and not feel like I have a problem anymore, but then also not even fear drinking or NOT drinking.. I would feel content. That would make me happy. And to practice responsible, safe, and healthy habits instead of turning to alcohol for almost any reason.. that would make me really happy.
I guess I just refuse to believe that my mind is incapable of changing. So, I asked my husband to get some beer for tonight. He did.. reluctantly.. got a 6pack to share. He opened 1 and drank it.. I decided I didn't even want any. 5 beers still sit in the fridge and I don't even care. I will continue to stay sober, and practice the more healthy habits I've been accomplishing the past week. I did something good for myself because I didn't do the bad thing I was thinking of doing.
Day 7 tomorrow
A "social" drinker is someone who doesn't even think about when their next drink will be. I'm not at that point, but I don't accept that it isn't possible. I thought about drinking a lot today and realised I'm definitely not passed this mental addiction. But, I would like to work on getting to that point, and hopefully, with success, not even realise that I am at that point. If I can get passed it and not feel like I have a problem anymore, but then also not even fear drinking or NOT drinking.. I would feel content. That would make me happy. And to practice responsible, safe, and healthy habits instead of turning to alcohol for almost any reason.. that would make me really happy.
I guess I just refuse to believe that my mind is incapable of changing. So, I asked my husband to get some beer for tonight. He did.. reluctantly.. got a 6pack to share. He opened 1 and drank it.. I decided I didn't even want any. 5 beers still sit in the fridge and I don't even care. I will continue to stay sober, and practice the more healthy habits I've been accomplishing the past week. I did something good for myself because I didn't do the bad thing I was thinking of doing.
Day 7 tomorrow
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Just so I've got this right eremc....you think alcoholism is a bad habit and you can buy beer and drink it 'normally' - if you have enough willpower?
If I have that wrong please correct me.
I'm not lacking in willpower - LOL believe me - but that's not something I could ever do.
It goes way beyond willpower. Alcoholism is an addiction - not just another bad habit.
The best day of my life was when I finally accepted I'm an alcoholic - something affects me when I drink alcohol and I no longer think rationally, I no longer have control over what might happen to me.
I choose not to spin that roulette wheel anymore. I really hope you will too.
D
If I have that wrong please correct me.
I'm not lacking in willpower - LOL believe me - but that's not something I could ever do.
It goes way beyond willpower. Alcoholism is an addiction - not just another bad habit.
The best day of my life was when I finally accepted I'm an alcoholic - something affects me when I drink alcohol and I no longer think rationally, I no longer have control over what might happen to me.
I choose not to spin that roulette wheel anymore. I really hope you will too.
D
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
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Why let those beers sit in the fridge? I'd say that's just inviting trouble. I work in a bar, and I'm OK serving alcohol to others but not tempted to drink any. I am working, after all, and I like to be on my game when I'm making money. But when I get off, there's no reason for me to be hanging around booze, so I clock out and take it to the house. Where I have no alcohol. If you truly want to take the actions necessary to not drink, I'd think getting rid of those 5 beers would be a good idea. Just my 2 cents (if it's worth even that).
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Erem,
We'd all prefer not to obsess about drinking. You can refuse to accept it all you want, but it won't change the facts.
I have a feeling you are headed for a big disappointment. I worked for four and a half years to change my thinking about drinking, in the hopes it would change my drinking. It didn't.
I also think it's unfortunate that you asked your husband to go buy the beer. Is he supposed to be supporting your sobriety or your drinking?
We'd all prefer not to obsess about drinking. You can refuse to accept it all you want, but it won't change the facts.
I have a feeling you are headed for a big disappointment. I worked for four and a half years to change my thinking about drinking, in the hopes it would change my drinking. It didn't.
I also think it's unfortunate that you asked your husband to go buy the beer. Is he supposed to be supporting your sobriety or your drinking?
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
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So, is there one reason you wanted him to get it or more? Do you want to prove you can refuse to take any? That you can get to the point of not thinking about needing to drink?
I am guessing you need to get through some time without it around first. That way you don't provide yourself with as much of an option to shift gears and take what is available to you. There will be plenty of time to achieve the refusal to drink when the option is present. It's "normal" for alcohol to be around for some people, but it is also normal for alcohol NOT to be around. Give yourself time to grow into a normality of not drinking, with the charcteristics and setting to match.
It's good that you are reaching a week, keep going.
I am guessing you need to get through some time without it around first. That way you don't provide yourself with as much of an option to shift gears and take what is available to you. There will be plenty of time to achieve the refusal to drink when the option is present. It's "normal" for alcohol to be around for some people, but it is also normal for alcohol NOT to be around. Give yourself time to grow into a normality of not drinking, with the charcteristics and setting to match.
It's good that you are reaching a week, keep going.
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It's not about willpower at all actually. It's about not having the desire anymore and just not caring about or fearing alcohol. Willpower is something we all have because we have a problem. If there was no problem with alcohol then we wouldn't NEED the willpower to not drink. I don't want to drink. I'm not going to drink the beer just because it's there. Heck, my mom's room is 7 feet away with boxes full of wine but I haven't given it one thought to pour a glass. It's mostly willpower and some that I just don't want any.
I don't want to be a social drinker, or "normal" (there's no such thing btw)
The definition of addiction is: the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is phsychologically or physically habit forming to such extent that it's cessation causes severe trauma. Well, since this is a habit I've been enslaved to, I believe the human mind is capable of overcoming such enslavement, and since stopping.. I have neither phsychologically nor physically been through severe trauma. Had a few rough days focusing on things that matter in my life and shutting out alcohol, but that's not very traumatic.
I guess everyone has their own way of interpreting their problem with alcohol. I don't want it in my life and I don't want my life to revolve around it, even if I'm trying not to drink. That's what willpower is, and I don't want to NEED will power.
I don't want to be a social drinker, or "normal" (there's no such thing btw)
The definition of addiction is: the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is phsychologically or physically habit forming to such extent that it's cessation causes severe trauma. Well, since this is a habit I've been enslaved to, I believe the human mind is capable of overcoming such enslavement, and since stopping.. I have neither phsychologically nor physically been through severe trauma. Had a few rough days focusing on things that matter in my life and shutting out alcohol, but that's not very traumatic.
I guess everyone has their own way of interpreting their problem with alcohol. I don't want it in my life and I don't want my life to revolve around it, even if I'm trying not to drink. That's what willpower is, and I don't want to NEED will power.
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I didn't ask him to get it so I could refuse it, that sounds really redundant to me. I asked him because I wanted a beer at the time, but then when it was there, I had more important things to do, like give my little ones a bath and get them ready for bed, then get myself ready for bed and when I finally got into bed to watch tv with my husband, I just didn't care for it anymore.
He's not supporting me drinking. He also believes terrible habits can be changed after a LONG recovery time and responsibility. He works with an older gentleman who had a drinking problem for a decade or so, stopped completely and had a glass of champagne at a Wedding once.. and that was it. Why does everyone think that it's impossible to just be responsible like that? Anything is possible. I'm not saying I'm going to try it, just that I would like to feel content enough with myself that I won't even be worrying about this.. ever again.
He's not supporting me drinking. He also believes terrible habits can be changed after a LONG recovery time and responsibility. He works with an older gentleman who had a drinking problem for a decade or so, stopped completely and had a glass of champagne at a Wedding once.. and that was it. Why does everyone think that it's impossible to just be responsible like that? Anything is possible. I'm not saying I'm going to try it, just that I would like to feel content enough with myself that I won't even be worrying about this.. ever again.
One moment at a time.
Join Date: Oct 2010
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P. 30 from the big book first 3 paragraphs from More About Alcoholism
"Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better."
"Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better."
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I guess this sentence confused me erem
so you don't want to obsess about alcohol - whether it's about drinking it or not drinking it?
I get that - and it will happen, but probably not for a while yet, if my experience is anything to go by.
Nothing good ever falls into my lap - I think if we all keep up the good work and stay sober, we'll all get there
D
So, I asked my husband to get some beer for tonight. He did.. reluctantly.. got a 6pack to share.
I get that - and it will happen, but probably not for a while yet, if my experience is anything to go by.
Nothing good ever falls into my lap - I think if we all keep up the good work and stay sober, we'll all get there
D
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Originally Posted by GreenAces 
P. 30 from the big book first 3 paragraphs from More About Alcoholism
"Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better."
"Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better."
I will repeat myself again.. I do not want to drink or try to drink to prove some point to myself or others. That's not a point I need to make. If you want to believe that you are never going to be ok again, and you're incapable of being mentally and bodily like your fellow man.. that's you. I will be ok. I was before I turned 22 and I will be again. There's no reason I can't go back to living life and not drinking but also not fearing the drink either. I remember what I was like then, mentally and physically and I was a LOT happier than I am now. Sans the problem with alcohol. I will get back to that psyche, no matter how long it takes. I will be content with life, happy, no alcohol and no more fear
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Originally Posted by GreenAces
Quite true. To each his/her own and I am glad you are ok. I didn't mean to upset you in any way, I was just trying to be helpful.
I just find it disheartening when I'm told there is only one way I'm supposed to live the rest of my life. I can accept I'm an alcoholic right now. But when I recover, I do not want to be known as an alcoholic or a recovering alcoholic... I just want to be me, a happy person, and someone who can actually toast a glass of champage at my son's and daughter's weddings one day.
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Originally Posted by eremc08
No no, it's ok I just find it disheartening when I'm told there is only one way I'm supposed to live the rest of my life. I can accept I'm an alcoholic right now. But when I recover, I do not want to be known as an alcoholic or a recovering alcoholic... I just want to be me, a happy person, and someone who can actually toast a glass of champage at my son's and daughter's weddings one day.
I just find it disheartening when I'm told there is only one way I'm supposed to live the rest of my life. I can accept I'm an alcoholic right now. But when I recover, I do not want to be known as an alcoholic or a recovering alcoholic... I just want to be me, a happy person, and someone who can actually toast a glass of champage at my son's and daughter's weddings one day.Just remember that if you ever do decide you want to try the steps that they are only suggestions... you can take them or leave them. It is YOUR recovery and no one elses, you will and can do it in any way you please.
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I get it...I spent 20 years trying to be that...to return to what I used to be.
I spent 30 years trying not to be disabled too.
Not trying to be funny - it really is the same thing for me.
I am what I am - an alcoholic and a man with cerebral palsy - and I'm much happier now I've accepted that.
It frees me up to embrace all the millions of other things I am too
If you find you can't go back eremc, please don't waste 20 years like I did, OK?
D
I spent 30 years trying not to be disabled too.
Not trying to be funny - it really is the same thing for me.
I am what I am - an alcoholic and a man with cerebral palsy - and I'm much happier now I've accepted that.
It frees me up to embrace all the millions of other things I am too
If you find you can't go back eremc, please don't waste 20 years like I did, OK?
D
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OK, well, I guess I got confused by the pondering about wishing for an apathy with regard to alcohol and then wanting to drink and not wanting to drink in the last 24 h.
I suppose it is possible to quit and then drink out of the blue and not have a tidal wave hit, but I just think those people are rare. I think I knew someone like that, but I have no way of confirming it (he died years ago). Most people would not fit into that scenario if they were alcoholics, based on what I have learned.
It's up to you if you want to maintain an aspiration to be able to drink a toast on a great occasion some day, but I think that is planning too much too soon. This might sound irritating to you, but the world wasn't created overnight. People usually have a lot of learning to do about themselves after they quit drinking, and I wouldn't think people have a lot of answers to complex issues so quickly. It takes time to deal with the simplest of things and maintain a good balance. If you are starting to do that, then good for you.
I suppose it is possible to quit and then drink out of the blue and not have a tidal wave hit, but I just think those people are rare. I think I knew someone like that, but I have no way of confirming it (he died years ago). Most people would not fit into that scenario if they were alcoholics, based on what I have learned.
It's up to you if you want to maintain an aspiration to be able to drink a toast on a great occasion some day, but I think that is planning too much too soon. This might sound irritating to you, but the world wasn't created overnight. People usually have a lot of learning to do about themselves after they quit drinking, and I wouldn't think people have a lot of answers to complex issues so quickly. It takes time to deal with the simplest of things and maintain a good balance. If you are starting to do that, then good for you.
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Erem, I can see what you are trying to say, and in some ways I can understand and agree. I, like you, have always looked at things in the factual, mind over matter way also. If you can go a while, recover, gain control, lose the fear and have an occasional toast, for a special occasion, then I applaud you. I'm not going to lie and say I don't hope maybe the same will happen for me one day. All I know is right now, I can't do it, or at least I can't do it for long. I had over a months sobriety, moderated for another month, then slipped and ended up blacked out, and felt like sh*t the whole next day. Its not in the cards for me. I know I can't do it. Alcohol is a bigger force than I want to give it credit for. Its beaten me. And so, no more chances. We are always listening. xoxo
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I think we are all walking that "slippery slope".....and coming to terms with it is a different mindset for everyone.
but the end result for us is the reason we are here banded together....we just don't have ONE drink for a special occasion....I myself would want 10 and then another if I start.
I try not to think about drinking at all because my obession is my downfall....instead, i think about all that I have and how being sober makes it so much easier for me to function and not be terribly depressed.
but the end result for us is the reason we are here banded together....we just don't have ONE drink for a special occasion....I myself would want 10 and then another if I start.
I try not to think about drinking at all because my obession is my downfall....instead, i think about all that I have and how being sober makes it so much easier for me to function and not be terribly depressed.
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Originally Posted by julez
Erem, I can see what you are trying to say, and in some ways I can understand and agree. I, like you, have always looked at things in the factual, mind over matter way also. If you can go a while, recover, gain control, lose the fear and have an occasional toast, for a special occasion, then I applaud you. I'm not going to lie and say I don't hope maybe the same will happen for me one day. All I know is right now, I can't do it, or at least I can't do it for long. I had over a months sobriety, moderated for another month, then slipped and ended up blacked out, and felt like sh*t the whole next day. Its not in the cards for me. I know I can't do it. Alcohol is a bigger force than I want to give it credit for. Its beaten me. And so, no more chances. We are always listening. xoxo
I believe in my heart and mind, that I will overcome all of this one day. I hope that the fear will be gone and I remain sober, just on my own terms. Not because of a substance that wants to beat me.
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