Sasha4

Ive not had a good day today.
Tried, but thoughts keep entering my head.
In particular one night at work. Embarassing things happened.
Thing is, I'm not sure it happened or if it was a dream.

I don't want to ask anyone as it was over three years ago. Would be raking it up again. And what if it didn't happen and people don't know what I'm talking about.

But what if it did happen? Why would you dream things like this?

Am I making sense?

Do others do this?

Kmber2010

I have found myself questioning past actions and things I said but so much of it was a blur to be honest. I think this is part of the acceptance. We all have our pasts and I think it is natural to question it or sometimes even grieve over past actions. The important thing is not to let them consume us. Recovery and healthy living help us with that.

Don't let it weigh you down but definitely once we are clear headed and the blinders are off we see how our addiction really took over.

Focus on who you are now and know that we can live good lives again! All the best.

Boiledrootbeer

Sometimes I have difficulty differentiating between what I really did and what was only a dream. I suppose my reaction would normally depend on how strange the event was. If someone may have been offended then I would make an effort to apologize. But that can be a tough decision to make. Alcohol can be a strange drug.

SSIL75

how long have you been sober? I do less of that kind of obsessing as time goes on. I did it a lot in the early days (and it's still early days for me, just 10 weeks).

NEOMARXIST

Towards the end of my drinking I was increasingly getting weird memories of stuff that I thought I may have done in my blackouts. It was like my brain was getting more F*cked up as my binging progressed. I would wake up and not know if I had dreamt leaving the house and knocking on peoples doors or other random stuff in a drunken haze or if I actually just dreamt it all.

It would cause me quite a lot of anxiety and increase the desire for another drink to kill the anxiety.

I guess it's just another way how alcoholism reduces you to a nervous, paranoid wreck.

Grateful to be sober and I haven't hurt anybody or not remembered doing or saying anything in the past nearly 16 months!!

Peace

Dee74

Hi Sasha

I still have dreams about stuff that happened 30 years ago, or stuff I feared would happen but never actually did.

The point is - whether it happened or not - there's nothing I can do about it now.

If your situation was real, I'll bet noone else is putting the mental energy into it you are - I doubt it's remembered

D

tmbg

In early sobriety, I had really intrusive thoughts and circular thinking. At times I thought I'd go nuts because it was easy to get almost obsessive about all the bad that happened.

Thing is, some of it was actually good because eventually I put together ideas/things that happened that were lost on me while I was drinking and had some "aha!" moments. I put 2 and 2 together...became honest about why something happened....remembered some part of a blackout.

But, as Dee said (basically), what's done is done. Think the thoughts, learn what you can (even if it's how embarrassed you are)...and then let them go into the DONE pile.

Easier said than done, I know. But you can do things---get busy, meditate, concentrate on your breathing, talk to someone...just to get your brain used to NOT thinking about it.