tam

found out last night that AH is in the ER all day. our friend who was there with her family memeber saw him. he was in the psychiatric bed, the young girl was there for a few hours. our friend didnt feel comfortable to talk to him as there was a guard present and she also knows what happened with us, she said he didnt look good,which he hasnt, very pale, very thin, and drugged, he had no clue she was standing in the hallway either,he was completely out of it.
I am worried, I am worried something is wrong, is it his leukemia,bipolar or the pills? I dont know if the hosp.would call me since he just filed for divorce,but Im his only next of kin, or maybe Im not, I dont know.(he has no living family members)
I havent called there, dont think it would be a good idea. I need to let it go.
but it hurts me that something might happen to him. He usually goes inpatient for depression/mania this time of year,this hosp.doesnt have inpatient. I know he would have them call me too if it was urgent,but then I think maybe he isnt able to?I also know he is very,very angry at me and Im sure the last person he wants to see is me and for me it wouldnt be good either. I just fear I wouldnt get to talk to him again if anything happens to him as I know he is very ill.
Im praying he is okay, Im praying he makes it, Im praying he gets the help he needs, I know he is suffering. But I also know its best that I keep away. I need to let my HP guide me but Im just getting worried, Im fighting this one big time,but its best for me.

Freedom1990

Take some deep breaths.

Close your eyes and envision a big pair of hands, the loving hands of your HP.

Visualize yourself putting all of your worries smack dab in the middle of those hands.

Let your HP hold those worries and take care of things.

Repeat as often as necessary.

There have been times when I have had to do that over and over during the day.

It works for me.

:ghug3

tam

Im okay will get through it, just got a little anxiety..but I know its not in my control.

Freedom1990

I can understand that anxiety.

My biggest worries have come from situations involving one or the other daughter over the years.

The more I practiced that technique, the easier it became.

I very seldom worry about anything anymore.

keepinon

You know what is best for you..just keep taking your own good advice.Thinking of you..

BBD

Thinking about you tam and hoping you take your own advice. Its a really dark place when your so worried about someone but you know its best to just step aside right now. Thoughts and hugs coming your way. Smiles, Bonnie

Kindeyes

tam
That must be very hard to hear second hand what is going on and not be able to get details that could put your mind at ease. Freedom had such a beautiful visual way of handling the anxiety. Breathe deep. Details will probably be divulged in time. Take care of you today.
gentle hugs

meditation

The part that bugs me about this is I would not want anybody going and telling my ex or my neighbor or my minister that I was in the hospital let alone in the psych ward. I know this person wasn't thinking about the situation but rest assured if he wanted you to know he was there he would have found a way or it would be on his admission papers. I don't think that kindly people are doing us a service when they gossip about this sort of stuff. It's one of the very reasons I don't really believe the anonymity part of the step programs. I don't think people keep their mouth shut about what is not their business. My heart goes out to you but the other day you were very angry, and now you seem to have guilt, he's a grown man that made these decisions. Just go pamper yourself , you deserve it after the week you've had.

tam

I agree meditation, for a long time I kept very quiet about our situation, many people just dont understand, having mental illness with addiction. let alone mental illness or addiction.
when I found out about him being in the ER I felt sad for him, he is ill, he doesnt need people talking about him. thus why I felt so sad and overwhelmed, I fear he has lost his mind and have seen how he cant
comprehend anything clearly. doesnt even reconize anyone. just out of it.I know he is a grown man and made his own decisions, but he also is like a child. when I saw him in the hospital not too long ago I saw that, nothing he saids or does is rational, he appears incompetent,thus why I was worried about his ER visit. after his last inpatient stay he called me and asked,when will be my first chemo treatment? I said, you have been taking chemo orally for the last 6 days, he said no one told me that,he didnt even know who his oncologist was. so this is my concern.
the young girl just laughs if off, saids oh well, she also is mentally ill.
Im sure though the hospital staff was cautious and probaly stablized him the best they could. they are aware of his medical problems.
thank you everyone for your support.

Impurrfect

(((Tam))) - I'm sorry for what is going on, and how you found out.

I, too, love ((Freedom's)) visualization. I use it, as a dear friend always tells me "God has you in the palm of His hand" and I have to remember that he also has those I love and care about in His hands, too. I still slip and slide, sometimes, get into "worry mode" but I'm learning that it really doesn't change anything and I'm getting better at letting go sooner than I used to. It just takes time and practice.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Angelic17

Tam, I can understand your worry, and that shows me that your a loving and caring person. You two are no longer together and your worrying if he is alright, and if he isn't your sad that he's alone. A therapist once told me when I was in panic mode over my addict son, to envision my son with his guardian angel right there to help him. And to get rid of the vision of him dying or overdosing. Picture those angel wings wrapped all around him. No matter what happens, your powerless. At least you know your a loving caring person. Is there any other way to find out what's going on with him without contacting him? You sound really worried, and you need to ease your mind without creating drama.

newnormal4me

****{HUGS}}} Tam. I'll be thinking of you. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. Stay strong as best as you can. You are doing a great job so far. There is so much vulnerability here, and so much is out of your hands. I pray your HP brings you peace fast. Take care.

tam

Im riding the storm out, doing okay, at work today so thats good Im with my coworkers, having alone times at home didnt help,but I worked through it,thanks to you all.
I know I need to stay back. it will only add to or fuel drama. if he is inpatient Im sure he isnt a happy camper.
usually when this happens it takes a few days to stabilize him then he would call.
if he went home, then he was stable enough for them to release him.
on his last hospital visit it was total drama with him and the couple. (they didnt want me to visit him and she threatened suicide, my husband stood his gound with them) I just sat there in total control while visiting him while the girl called 6 times starting trouble. (my friend went with me to visit him) and told me I handled it very well. so I have come a long way.
yesterday I went with my tenants and their children trick or treating ,I held the baby the whole time, 5 months old, that sure takes my mind off of things.
then we all sat around and ate candy all night,lol..
thank you all again for being there, I sure have learned alot of coping skills and although Im home alone, Im not, I have you

crazybabie

Tam, I am sorry about your recent experience just keep in mind he is in a place where he can be taken care of medically no matter the reason he is there, Yes, baby love is wonderful love always brings a smile.

Hugs,