Alafriend123

My friend decided to quit drinking after fearing for his life earlier this week. He's gone to one AA meeting. His pursuit of professional help in recovery seems to be waning. I've been asking him daily how he is doing avoiding drinking, and today encouraged him to attend AA again and more than once a week. Is my insistence helping or hurting?

Still Waters

It can't help or hurt really, in my opinion. He has to do what he has to do, for him. Your questioning won't make any difference good or bad.

Freedom1990

His recovery is his to work, if he so wishes.

It's not uncommon for an alcoholic to temporarily quit after a bad scare, but as the bad event fades from memory, right back to the drinking they go.

Kindeyes

I agree with the statement above that it isn't going to help or hinder. An alcoholic will often find any reason at all to blame someone else if they drink again. If you ask them if they're drinking and they are, they'll tell you it's because you kept pestering them about it and it "made them want to drink". If you don't ask and they are drinking again, they'll tell you it's because you didn't seem to care. It's a catch 22.

The bottom line is that they are going to do what they are going to do and you have no control over their drinking if they really want to do it. When it comes to recovery, it's a one person show. We can demonstrate our support of their recovery but we can't do the work that they need to do for themselves.

gentle hugs

keepinon

It may effect your relationship with your friend by annoying him.

KittyP

What exactly do you mean by this? Did he not enjoy the meeting he was at?

smacked

honestly.. His recovery is none of your business..it can't be. He can drink if he wants, recover if he wants.. Seriously to me that would be like my naturally skinny friends asking meif I had any cake today and if I planned on getting to the gym more often not helpful! And yes that's a horrible analogy, but as a recovering addict/alcoholic, it's no ones business but my own. You normies don't understand anyways

Cyranoak

How are you avoiding controlling his recovery/sobriety? Also, you need to attend Al-Anon and you should go more than once a week.

Now pretend I'm telling you this every day. Now pretend you are super stressed out from trying to focus on yourself, kind of know it might be a good idea, and don't want other people telling you what to do but I keep telling you this every day regardless.

Am I helping?

Now, all that aside and I'm only going to say this once (once is concern, more than once is nagging and controlling), you might consider getting yourself to an Al-Anon meeting. At least six different meetings before you decide if it is for you.

Good luck.

Cyranoak

transformyself

Someone once told me, I think here, that when I do my inner dialogue about how I'm helping someone, I should replace that phrase with "really **** things up for them."

I love that. A-it makes me laugh and then B-it clarifies the usual outcome.

wicked

yeah, transform i was thinking of that today.
who said that?

instead of using the word help, use the word f 'em up?

i want to help my daughter stop drinking.
i want to really f' her recovery up.

oh wait, was it get in the way of?

i want to help you recover.
i want to get in the way of your recovery.

geez, someone come in and take credit, i cant remember and i want to.