I hope
get it, give it, grow in it
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
I hope
I HOPE
When Travis was a baby, a child, a teenager and a young man, I watched over him. I thought I would watch over him my entire life. I was wrong.
I hope that he watches over me now.
I hope for a reprieve from the pain. I hope this empty feeling goes away.
I still can’t understand how I woke up one morning and my son was gone from my life. My beloved child was snatched from life.
I would have given my life to let Travis live, but I wasn’t given the choice.
I hope I gain understanding.
I hope he will come back, but I know he will not.
When Travis died I hoped it was a mistake. It is not.
I hope I can somehow live with being childless.
Coping with the death of one’s only child is the most difficult experience anyone will ever encounter.
I hope it’s possible to find a ‘new normal’ and be able to find happiness. My hope is that I will find peace and cherish the joy Travis brought.
I hope one day I feel joy when I think of my son, share a memory or look at his pictures.
I cry oceans of tears. I hope that the searing torment lessens. I hope that someday I’ll be able to think of him and smile.
I hope I’ll be able to function with enthusiasm and purpose.
I think about Travis every hour of every day. I hope I always do.
I hope I always tell people about him, not so they feel sorry for me, but, because I will always be his mom, he will always be my child and I can not deny he lived.
I hope I can sign cards, “With Love and Memories of Travis.”
I hope we gather on Travis’ birthday, June 11, to celebrate his life. It’s not about his birthday.
It’s about family and friends taking the time to remember him and say his name. Let me hear his name.
Tell me a story remembered.
I hope it allows me the will to survive.
I’m working very hard on my recovery, but I will never fully recover. I will always miss Travis. I will always grieve his death.
He will always be apart of my life. It is said that endings bring new beginnings,
I hope I remain open to them.
When Travis was a baby, a child, a teenager and a young man, I watched over him. I thought I would watch over him my entire life. I was wrong.
I hope that he watches over me now.
I hope for a reprieve from the pain. I hope this empty feeling goes away.
I still can’t understand how I woke up one morning and my son was gone from my life. My beloved child was snatched from life.
I would have given my life to let Travis live, but I wasn’t given the choice.
I hope I gain understanding.
I hope he will come back, but I know he will not.
When Travis died I hoped it was a mistake. It is not.
I hope I can somehow live with being childless.
Coping with the death of one’s only child is the most difficult experience anyone will ever encounter.
I hope it’s possible to find a ‘new normal’ and be able to find happiness. My hope is that I will find peace and cherish the joy Travis brought.
I hope one day I feel joy when I think of my son, share a memory or look at his pictures.
I cry oceans of tears. I hope that the searing torment lessens. I hope that someday I’ll be able to think of him and smile.
I hope I’ll be able to function with enthusiasm and purpose.
I think about Travis every hour of every day. I hope I always do.
I hope I always tell people about him, not so they feel sorry for me, but, because I will always be his mom, he will always be my child and I can not deny he lived.
I hope I can sign cards, “With Love and Memories of Travis.”
I hope we gather on Travis’ birthday, June 11, to celebrate his life. It’s not about his birthday.
It’s about family and friends taking the time to remember him and say his name. Let me hear his name.
Tell me a story remembered.
I hope it allows me the will to survive.
I’m working very hard on my recovery, but I will never fully recover. I will always miss Travis. I will always grieve his death.
He will always be apart of my life. It is said that endings bring new beginnings,
I hope I remain open to them.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
My heart hurts with you and for you. Travis will always be your son, and what a beautiful son. I'm sorry your so empty and grieving so badly. It's a normal reaction for any mom. Every other mother here can understand your grief and pain. There are no words of comfort for you SS. So I'm sending you my Love and Compassion. And my prayers. I offered my rosary up for you today, and I asked GOD to comfort you. Life is unfair and so cruel at times. You are a great person and don't deserve this hurt and heartache. You were always an excellent mom. And your son turned into a most beautiful young man. I'm so sad that the poisonous drugs in society got a hold of such a special young man. I wish all of us mothers could rise up and do something about this crisis in society that is changing and killing our children. Drugs have ruined my sons life too.He is 29 and has next to nothing because of that garbage called opiates and heroin. My heart aches with you. And my heart aches more for you, than for myself.
I can only imagine your suffering. I do that by thinking of my own boy and how I would handle your situation. My son's drug use almost killed me. Meanwhile your pain is so much greater than mine. Like I said, I have no words for comfort. I don't think anything can comfort you at this sad and terrible time. This is where faith comes in. Cast your sorrows on GOD. I have asked him to come to you and comfort you. That's all I can do.
get it, give it, grow in it
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
I am dressed up and headed out for a gala fundraiser as part of a foundation I joined
in honor of my son. The foundation raises money to help addicts, veterans and mentally ill who get diverted to drug court instead of jail.
I need all your support as it is an emotional day.
in honor of my son. The foundation raises money to help addicts, veterans and mentally ill who get diverted to drug court instead of jail.
I need all your support as it is an emotional day.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Sending good thoughts and prayers and positive energy, SS. What you are doing is wonderful although I know it is very, very difficult.
Sometimes it is a matter of continuing to put one foot in front of the other and getting to the days, that gradually come, when you can smile at a memory of Travis, and be thankful for the brief time that you had him physically in your life. He will always live in your heart.
Sometimes it is a matter of continuing to put one foot in front of the other and getting to the days, that gradually come, when you can smile at a memory of Travis, and be thankful for the brief time that you had him physically in your life. He will always live in your heart.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
There is something always so amazing to me when a parent has such grace over the loss of a child.
I tell people that if anything happened to my son, you may as well say goodbye to me cuz I'd go with him. My best friend lost her little girl this year. But she said what you did, that they are always with you. Looking over you. You go on because that is what they would have wanted.
Your post made me cry. I'm so not a religious person but God bless you and your son. I can tell he was a lucky person to have you as a mom.
I tell people that if anything happened to my son, you may as well say goodbye to me cuz I'd go with him. My best friend lost her little girl this year. But she said what you did, that they are always with you. Looking over you. You go on because that is what they would have wanted.
Your post made me cry. I'm so not a religious person but God bless you and your son. I can tell he was a lucky person to have you as a mom.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
(((Spiritual Seeker))) My heart aches for you and with you. You are a wonderful person and mother. My prayers are for you to feel God's comfort, peace and blessings.
Love & Hugs,
Chris
I just finished reading "Choosing to SEE" by Mary Beth Chapman....you may want to check it out.
Love & Hugs,
Chris
I just finished reading "Choosing to SEE" by Mary Beth Chapman....you may want to check it out.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Your post brought tears to my eyes.....it was such a beautiful tribute to Travis. Moving through the grieving process is so difficult. We start out so numb--disbelief. Our minds protect us from the reality initially.....and now the reality of his death is settling in and the pain of your loss intensifies.
You have shared such lovely glimpses of Travis and his life. You speak of him with such love and tenderness. You have taught me so much and my life is richer because of you and because of the lessons that Travis taught you. As I've told you before, your voice resonates in my mind when I speak with my son......keeping me calm and soothing me. This is the gift that you bring to others.
Thank you for sharing your life, your son and your loss with us. It is through you that Travis' life shines on.
gentle hugs
You have shared such lovely glimpses of Travis and his life. You speak of him with such love and tenderness. You have taught me so much and my life is richer because of you and because of the lessons that Travis taught you. As I've told you before, your voice resonates in my mind when I speak with my son......keeping me calm and soothing me. This is the gift that you bring to others.
Thank you for sharing your life, your son and your loss with us. It is through you that Travis' life shines on.
gentle hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
SS, we are all here for you while you go through this grief. Praying for you and thinking of you, and sharing in your pain. We are a family here, and we feel your pain right along with you. If you can, send me some information to this foundation, and I will make a donation in Travis's name.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Spiritual Seeker,
I cant seem to come up with the words to express how I feel, at reading your post. I think you for sharing this. I wish I could help in some way.I would love to hear about Travis, sometime if you wish to share about him. His birthday is two days after my sons. It is the prettiest time of year, here in Ohio. My favorite time to take vacation. Someday, that time will make you feel joy, Spiritual Seeker. It will.
I believe in the continuance of love- that it lives on. I pray for comfort for your broken heart, and that your joy returns. I feel our loved ones bring us thoughts sometimes. Things that we need. I am sure that if this is so, that your Travis will let you know that he is there, with you, in spirit. Have you ever known anything so solid as love?
I think it is wonderful what you are doing. How needed this is. What an example you are to us, leading us in good ways. I pray that tonight gives you something that you need too. It certainly is a good cause. I hope that there is something in my area like that.
Bless you Spiritual Seeker. Sending you a warm hug.
chicory
I cant seem to come up with the words to express how I feel, at reading your post. I think you for sharing this. I wish I could help in some way.I would love to hear about Travis, sometime if you wish to share about him. His birthday is two days after my sons. It is the prettiest time of year, here in Ohio. My favorite time to take vacation. Someday, that time will make you feel joy, Spiritual Seeker. It will.
I believe in the continuance of love- that it lives on. I pray for comfort for your broken heart, and that your joy returns. I feel our loved ones bring us thoughts sometimes. Things that we need. I am sure that if this is so, that your Travis will let you know that he is there, with you, in spirit. Have you ever known anything so solid as love?
I think it is wonderful what you are doing. How needed this is. What an example you are to us, leading us in good ways. I pray that tonight gives you something that you need too. It certainly is a good cause. I hope that there is something in my area like that.
Bless you Spiritual Seeker. Sending you a warm hug.
chicory
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
(((((((((((SS)))))))))))
November will mark the 11th anniversary of my son's death.
What a beautiful tender post you composed.
I guess I will never get over wanting my son back.
My love for him is like coal under pressure to become a diamond. Hard and beautiful.
Like you, I wish those who knew him would let me talk about him, say his name, and talk with me.
I have glowing wonderful thoughts of him...but it is always tinged with missing him.
Like you, I would trade my life for his in a heartbeat.
There is a poem here on the boards about a pair of shoes that mothers who have lost their children wear? Have you read it?
It is very good.
many hugs to you...tears and smiles mix together,
our boys were our heart walking around outside our bodies.
It heals...but there will always be a horrid scar.
wishing you peace,
Tena
November will mark the 11th anniversary of my son's death.
What a beautiful tender post you composed.
I guess I will never get over wanting my son back.
My love for him is like coal under pressure to become a diamond. Hard and beautiful.
Like you, I wish those who knew him would let me talk about him, say his name, and talk with me.
I have glowing wonderful thoughts of him...but it is always tinged with missing him.
Like you, I would trade my life for his in a heartbeat.
There is a poem here on the boards about a pair of shoes that mothers who have lost their children wear? Have you read it?
It is very good.
many hugs to you...tears and smiles mix together,
our boys were our heart walking around outside our bodies.
It heals...but there will always be a horrid scar.
wishing you peace,
Tena
it is what it is
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Griffin GA
Posts: 454
spiritual - as with many others who responded the tears are flowing down my cheeks and every one is for you as you miss your son and learn to live on without him physically in your life - i am so glad that you are leaning into the pain and not letting it knock you down - you are stepping out and helping and i know Travis appreciates that - thank you again for staying in here and helping all of us as we travel this road with our own loved ones - you are an inspiration - my prayers continue with you
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Spiritual, your post is such a tribute to your Travis and to your love for him. And so is the work you are doing with this Gala. Love never dies, Spiritual, we just express it differently when our loved ones are gone. Travis would be proud of his mom today.
My heart and prayers go out to you, I cannot imagine the pain you must feel and yet you share with such grace here and help other moms.
God bless you, and thank you for sharing your very special light with each of us.
Hugs
My heart and prayers go out to you, I cannot imagine the pain you must feel and yet you share with such grace here and help other moms.
God bless you, and thank you for sharing your very special light with each of us.
Hugs
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
(((((Spiritual Seeker))))) We cry oceans of tears with you. I cannot begin to comprehend the intensity of your sadness, but your post gave me a glimpse. I just imagine Travis in the arms of angels and surrounded by Love looking over you. May you find peace when the time is right.
I understand wanting to talk about your son and yet people change the subject as fast as they can. I lived through that and could never quite understand why people seem to avoid any discussion about the person who passed when all you want to do is share your pain, but also share the beauty of that person. Please feel free to talk to us all you want.
I understand wanting to talk about your son and yet people change the subject as fast as they can. I lived through that and could never quite understand why people seem to avoid any discussion about the person who passed when all you want to do is share your pain, but also share the beauty of that person. Please feel free to talk to us all you want.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Spiritual, What can I say except my heart, tears and love are with you. I can't even imagine the pain you face daily but hopefully in time those memories are of a happy son that loved you alot. Hugs and smiles, Bonnie
get it, give it, grow in it
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
The event that I went to last night was a success. As part of a very small foundation we spent a couple of months organizing an
evening that was successful. We probably raised $20,000 for drug court participants.
Judges attended that run drug courts and DUI courts.
We had quite a few lawyers in attendance. Three of my best friends and my husband attended to support me.
I became a volunteer for this cause in honor of my son. Now I will work with addicts
hoping that some other parent's grown child will benefit.
I intend to live my life with grace
I intend to live life fully in memory of all that Travis was unable to do
I intend to live life fully in memory of all that Travis was ABLE to do
I intend to embrace all that is still good in my life
I intend to recognize all the blessings that I have
I intend to live with this terrible pain.
evening that was successful. We probably raised $20,000 for drug court participants.
Judges attended that run drug courts and DUI courts.
We had quite a few lawyers in attendance. Three of my best friends and my husband attended to support me.
I became a volunteer for this cause in honor of my son. Now I will work with addicts
hoping that some other parent's grown child will benefit.
I intend to live my life with grace
I intend to live life fully in memory of all that Travis was unable to do
I intend to live life fully in memory of all that Travis was ABLE to do
I intend to embrace all that is still good in my life
I intend to recognize all the blessings that I have
I intend to live with this terrible pain.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
(((((((((((((((SS)))))))))))))))))))) Your amazing, and I look up to you. I wish I were there with you, I would love to work with you and help addicts. You are a very special person. I am blown away at your strength and courage. You inspire me to be stronger and to stop falling apart over my trivial problems, when there is so much worse to be dealt with. Thank You. I am thrilled at the love and warmth you have recieved on your thread here. There are such beautiful compassionate people on this site, that totally understand you and your suffering. That is such a gift. I kept coming back to read all the replies to your thread. I shed many tears doing this. I was very emotional over you and the loss of Travis yesterday. It hit me hard for some reason. I'm thinking it was the way you wrote your words. They touched my heart so deeply. Love Never Ends. EVER
:ghug3
:ghug3
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