AJ1984

Hi my name is AJ, I'm 26 and an alcoholic. I fight to refrain from drinking, but I still find it's very difficult not to at night after about 9pm. I'm a slave to routine in general and I've unfortunately got this drug in my routine and am having a hell of a time getting it out. My personal poison is 4 16oz cans of 8.1% beer called Steel Reserve a night. It tastes terrible, smells terrible, but it gets me drunk as well as makes me feel terrible the next day. On rare occassions I can drink less, but other times I drink more. I was starting to curb back a little, but now my mother is very ill and her and my dad are really all I have. Also I'm losing hours at work due to the economy, and have very limited finances (largely due to this liquid curse). I want to beat this addiction- for good- but I'm a weak person and don't know how to do it. My work schedule is goofy and makes it difficult to go to AA meetings, plus I live 15 minutes away from the nearest one and don't really have the money for gas so I try to drive as little as possible. Sorry, but I just needed to vent. Thank you to everyone in advance that read this or comment!

Spawn

just curious?

do you make excuses when you need to get to the beer store?

2stop

I found I had to WANT it more than I NEEDED it.

And nothing changes if nothing changes.

You can be as strong as you put your mind too!

SSIL75

This is very true for me, too. I wanted, wanted, wanted to live a sober life. Not to stop being drunk. But to actually life a full, sober, calm, bright, productive, growth-filled, proud life.

I realized that I could not have that if I drank again, ever.

After that (lol) it was 'easy'. I mean not EASY but not at all like it was before. When I was pushing myself away from booze. Not bringing myself closer to the light, if that makes sense.

I am not in AA or anything like that. But it works for a lot of people.

Welcome and I hope we can help you in some way

Aurora80

It's hard to do it alone, I know. You can get a lot of great support here. Also, think about trying AA meetings. They really help. Another thing that might help is try getting up earlier and going to bed earlier... create a new routine. Good luck to you!

Anna

Hi AJ,

You're not a weak person Alcoholism is not a character defect. It's a disease.

I'm a person who loves routine too, and I know that set me up to become an alcoholic. But, the upside was, that when I decided to quit, I shook up my routine and it helped so much. I started going out in the evening for long walks during the time I would have started drinking. I drove home from work a different way.

Do whatever it takes for you to stay sober.

Toronto68

Thanks for posting, AJ. I don't know what to reply at the moment, but I wanted to acknowledge somehow because the Thanks button is out of order.

Dee74

Welcome to SR AJ

You'll find a lot of support here - drinking was part of my routine too, but it's just a matter of changing that routine....it's not especially easy but it can be done...a little imagination and forward planning and you can shake things up and start to break up the old routine

If you've had trouble quitting on your own in the past, I hope you find a way to get to those meetings too - I don't think we can have too much support...and you'll be saving more money for gas not buying booze, right?

D

least

Welcome to the best recovery site everywhere! I'd been trying to stop drinking since before I joined here and just now have almost 11 months... so you can see I tried and failed many times before I finally 'got it'. The first few months were hard as I felt out of my routine and didn't know what to do with myself but I kept sober one day at a time. After the first few months I found I was thinking about drinking a lot less.

At five or six months I realized I no longer wanted to drink. I was no longer fighting the urge to drink 'cause the urge was just about gone.

Have you considered any kind of recovery program at all? Counseling or outpatient groups? Support can be a huge help, especially in the early months. Whatever you do to stop and stay sober, put all your effort into it. The results will be worth it.

Kjell

A good start is posting here - good job!

You can find a million reasons to not go to an AA meeting, but there is one good reason to go and that is to participate in your own recovery.

If nothing changes, then nothing changes.

You see, the same me will drink again. Maybe this is true with you too?

Draciack

Welcome AJ

I thought I was weak for a long time too. But that's the thing - because I'm an alcoholic, I never had a chance of controlling my drinking. It's just not possible. Btw, you'll probably have a lot more gas money if you quit drinking

Welcome to SR.

LaFemme

Hi AJ and welcome...if you think AA will help you find a way to go. I'm sorry about your Mom, but you drinking isn't going to help her, or your Dad or you for that matter.
keep posting here...we want to help.

LawMama

Welcome to the forum. You have made a great start just realizing that you have a problem. It is possible to get sober and stay sober without AA, and lots of people here have done it. However, for me AA has been really important because it has taught me a way to cope with life without getting drunk. Now, when I'm stressed about family issues, sickness of someone I care about, etc, I have a support system of sober people who can help me find the tools to deal with it sober.

As far as the gas money issue....go to one meeting and take it from there. Your funds will increase as your drinking decreases. You can find a sober support group to help you via meetings or even just on the phone.

This forum can also help you. You don't have to drink. You don't have to face DUIs, failed relationships due to drinking, failing health, having no money due to alcohol, and being miserable. There is another way to live.

AJ1984

One thing I'd like to say is how amazed I am by how supportive people on this site are! Thank you for the comments, and now that you mention it if I'd put my beer money towards gas and food I'd have way less problems affording both those things.

I only make excuses to myself; no one around me really cares if I drink but that's because most of them don't really know. Lying to myself and tricking myself into drinking is one of the things I feel really guilty about

julez

Welcome Aj. Glad you decided to post.

Spawn

This is a good thing....your being honest with yourself. Being honest with yourself is the beginning. Do you go to meetings now?
If you skip the beer store you have gas money to get to the meeting.

eremc08

LOL I always used to make up an excuse to get there.. Oh, I have to pick up a birthday card for someone and look at that.. the liquor store is right next to the card store. Or my usual "I'm getting ready for a party so I need to get the liquor bought before I decorate" .. My mom's favorite excuse is that she HAS to get the Lottery tickets because she will win the next one. Oh, and her wine is on sale today so she stocked up. (She buys boxed wine)

artsoul

Welcome AJ - Glad you're here and glad you're wanting to get sober. When I came here, I couldn't live with alcohol and I couldn't live without it (or so I thought). But taking it a day at a time has added up to almost 6 months. I check in daily just to remind myself that my sobriety has to come before everything else if I want to live.

If we can do it, so can you!

AJ1984

Thanks! I'm just afraid if I quit cold turkey that I'll go into severe withdrawl. Does anyone have any comments on that? I'm basically (by equaling out what I drink because I drink the 8% stuff) up to a 12 pack of beer a night and it's been like this for about a year or 2. Without insurance I can't afford to go to a detox clinic, so I'm uncertain what to do here. Should I gradually wean myself off of it with weaker beer or something?

LawMama

Unfortunately you'll have to talk to a Dr. about detox. None of us are qualified to give advice on medical stuff.

There are places where you can detox without insurance.