do they know
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
do they know
or care?
like in my situation, she just disappeared. before that even happened i asked, please, if you go back there, just let me know you are ok.
do they know the pain they put us through, or do they even care that they do?
i give the reason that they are messed up on whatever and can't think right or they only care about the next high. that only partially explains things. i dont believe they (or at least she) have lost 100% of their functioning. i have to think at some point we cross their minds and when that happens that they think they should call. maybe it's too painful for them, or they want to spare us (eh, i'm not too sure about that one). but certainly when they leave for an extended time they have to know we are worried
like in my situation, she just disappeared. before that even happened i asked, please, if you go back there, just let me know you are ok.
do they know the pain they put us through, or do they even care that they do?
i give the reason that they are messed up on whatever and can't think right or they only care about the next high. that only partially explains things. i dont believe they (or at least she) have lost 100% of their functioning. i have to think at some point we cross their minds and when that happens that they think they should call. maybe it's too painful for them, or they want to spare us (eh, i'm not too sure about that one). but certainly when they leave for an extended time they have to know we are worried
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Steve, dude, she is just too busy getting high.
BELIEVE ME.
I was nanny to a household of junkies one wintertime long ago.
I thought you said yesterday that if only you could let her know that you love her you'd be fine and able to move on?
What did you have for dinner?
My guy made cajun seasoned pan fried pork chops and I made home fried potatoes.
I saw my new counselor this morning.
No drama. It gives me a stress headache and sick stomach.
It isn't to be mistaken for passion....I used to have that misconception about my XAABF.
BELIEVE ME.
I was nanny to a household of junkies one wintertime long ago.
I thought you said yesterday that if only you could let her know that you love her you'd be fine and able to move on?
What did you have for dinner?
My guy made cajun seasoned pan fried pork chops and I made home fried potatoes.
I saw my new counselor this morning.
No drama. It gives me a stress headache and sick stomach.
It isn't to be mistaken for passion....I used to have that misconception about my XAABF.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
Geez, Steve...you are torturing yourself over someone who has made her own choice to be where she is! She walked away from help. She stole money from you. She is what she is and there is nothing you can do about it. She is a drug addict and prostitute BY CHOICE! Go on and live your life and let her live hers. You are freakishly obsessive about this and it's starting to get scary.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Thank you, Suki.
Steve, one of the primary things I look for in a relationship with a man is whether he has the ability to truly hear me the first time I say something and then acts accordingly.
Because I do not want to nag. I do not want to be ignored or dismissed or discounted.
I could not be in a relationship with you and from what you say here you cannot be in a healthy relationship.
My guy told me something I really didn't want to hear a week ago. BUT within 24 hours I had changed my course accordingly.
Steve, one of the primary things I look for in a relationship with a man is whether he has the ability to truly hear me the first time I say something and then acts accordingly.
Because I do not want to nag. I do not want to be ignored or dismissed or discounted.
I could not be in a relationship with you and from what you say here you cannot be in a healthy relationship.
My guy told me something I really didn't want to hear a week ago. BUT within 24 hours I had changed my course accordingly.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
my husband disappeared dec.3rd steve..
does he think or know I love him and Im worried? yeah probaly some moments
does he care? yeah he has said so many times
does he want to get better? oh yeah he has stated that many times.
BUT LETS
turn this around though steve..
as much as you are consumed on her and what she is doing or thinking, she is consumed on the drug, so who is going to stop the cycle here you or her?
I finally decided it was time for me to stop the cycle.
does he think or know I love him and Im worried? yeah probaly some moments
does he care? yeah he has said so many times
does he want to get better? oh yeah he has stated that many times.
BUT LETS
turn this around though steve..
as much as you are consumed on her and what she is doing or thinking, she is consumed on the drug, so who is going to stop the cycle here you or her?
I finally decided it was time for me to stop the cycle.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
No, and no.
Not at this moment in her life, Steve. The life she is choosing to live, no she does not have the capacity to see outside of herself, no matter what.. until she chooses to live a different life, which she has shown you and practically SCREAMED by way of actions, she has no plan to.
Now what?
Not at this moment in her life, Steve. The life she is choosing to live, no she does not have the capacity to see outside of herself, no matter what.. until she chooses to live a different life, which she has shown you and practically SCREAMED by way of actions, she has no plan to.
Now what?
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Steve:
This was written by the original owner of this site, after he got the site up and running and was clean and sober for a while:
Please print this out and put on your refrigerator:
Now, what are you doing for Steve??????
Love and hugs,
This was written by the original owner of this site, after he got the site up and running and was clean and sober for a while:
Please print this out and put on your refrigerator:
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
Love and hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
thank you thank you thank you
its baby stpes. you guys get stuck only hearing this one dimension of me. sorry. when i feel much better i'll have less nagging and more positivity.
live- for dinner i went to a diner and had the standard grilled cheese and split pea soup. tonight i am stuck on flounder and clam strips- for now. and to think of the elaborate dishes i used to make. thats another hobby of mine. in fact- i have been thinking of trying to start something with food.
back to the "other" stuff.
if i could shut off my mind i would. if something else could take all the attention away, i'd do it (something healthy that is). i've been taking meds for the anxiety and osessive thoughts. it might not reflect here, but i do feel calmer. maybe this weekend i'll try to find some abandoned factory to rummage through and take pictures. another hobby of mine.
i am sorry to appear this way to you guys. i don't like seeing that i have gotten to where i am deemed borderline scary. this is not regular me. you wouldn't guess from this, but i actually do listen well- when my head isnt inside out and upside down.
tam, this was good-
as much as you are consumed on her and what she is doing or thinking, she is consumed on the drug, so who is going to stop the cycle here you or her?
of course I am. it is going to take time, but i'll get there. i just have to get through these growing pains. i obsess so much here because ofside of this board, i am alone on this one. i still need to make some contacts at a meeting. liek i said, i cant talk to anyone else about this stuff the way i can here. this phase has been going on since june when i first found out and that is when i started to post. then again after a couple months when things were low and i started to realize they werent going to get better and i needed help. it's really only been a bit over a week since she left and i am doing the best i can with it. as you know, it is different than a regular break up.
but anyway- if any of you live near or no of abandoned industrial stuff or any thing along those lines within a couple hundred miles of philly, let me know.
its baby stpes. you guys get stuck only hearing this one dimension of me. sorry. when i feel much better i'll have less nagging and more positivity.
live- for dinner i went to a diner and had the standard grilled cheese and split pea soup. tonight i am stuck on flounder and clam strips- for now. and to think of the elaborate dishes i used to make. thats another hobby of mine. in fact- i have been thinking of trying to start something with food.
back to the "other" stuff.
if i could shut off my mind i would. if something else could take all the attention away, i'd do it (something healthy that is). i've been taking meds for the anxiety and osessive thoughts. it might not reflect here, but i do feel calmer. maybe this weekend i'll try to find some abandoned factory to rummage through and take pictures. another hobby of mine.
i am sorry to appear this way to you guys. i don't like seeing that i have gotten to where i am deemed borderline scary. this is not regular me. you wouldn't guess from this, but i actually do listen well- when my head isnt inside out and upside down.
tam, this was good-
as much as you are consumed on her and what she is doing or thinking, she is consumed on the drug, so who is going to stop the cycle here you or her?
of course I am. it is going to take time, but i'll get there. i just have to get through these growing pains. i obsess so much here because ofside of this board, i am alone on this one. i still need to make some contacts at a meeting. liek i said, i cant talk to anyone else about this stuff the way i can here. this phase has been going on since june when i first found out and that is when i started to post. then again after a couple months when things were low and i started to realize they werent going to get better and i needed help. it's really only been a bit over a week since she left and i am doing the best i can with it. as you know, it is different than a regular break up.
but anyway- if any of you live near or no of abandoned industrial stuff or any thing along those lines within a couple hundred miles of philly, let me know.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I have never eaten split pea soup and that is one thing I don't think I will ever try. But good for you, I am sure it is healthy.
I will eat most anything and love it.
My inner grouch is coming out today...so I don't know what I will be doing later...I have no specific dinner plans.
When I do, I will check back with you....
I will eat most anything and love it.
My inner grouch is coming out today...so I don't know what I will be doing later...I have no specific dinner plans.
When I do, I will check back with you....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
to think of the elaborate dishes i used to make. thats another hobby of mine.
maybe this weekend i'll try to find some abandoned factory to rummage through and take pictures. another hobby of mine.
Steve
What an interesting person you are! Grab onto those hobbies and run with them! Let those things begin to fill you up again!
gentle hugs
maybe this weekend i'll try to find some abandoned factory to rummage through and take pictures. another hobby of mine.
Steve
What an interesting person you are! Grab onto those hobbies and run with them! Let those things begin to fill you up again!
gentle hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I think I'm going to get the dogs kenneled and go eat Chinese! We actually have a real Chinese restaurant that opened up last December. I'm still debating on sesame chicken or beef and broccoli with lo mein. Do you like Chinese food, Steve? 
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Jeez Steve, your mind is like a continious loop, same obsessive thoughts over and over again.
I thought you went to a therapist what did he or she say? Did they offer any advice on how to overcome this turbulance that goes on in your mind?
Run around the block, go to the gym, take some pictures and post them here. Do something, anything, to clear your mind.
I thought you went to a therapist what did he or she say? Did they offer any advice on how to overcome this turbulance that goes on in your mind?
Run around the block, go to the gym, take some pictures and post them here. Do something, anything, to clear your mind.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
Good to know that you are on meds Steve. Not sure when you started them but it can take a couple of months even before you see changes.
As to your question. It goes like this for the addict:
"gee I should call Steve, but let me just get high first."
"oh ****, I forgot to call him, now I feel bad... think I'll go get high though"
"What was I gonna do? Oh yeah, call Steve. But now I'm too high to talk better wait a bit.. after I get high tonight.. then tomorrow I'll call Steve"
The next day: "I feel like ****, my body hurts, I don't want to call Steve in this state, better go get High so I feel better, then I'll call him..."
etc etc etc
As to your question. It goes like this for the addict:
"gee I should call Steve, but let me just get high first."
"oh ****, I forgot to call him, now I feel bad... think I'll go get high though"
"What was I gonna do? Oh yeah, call Steve. But now I'm too high to talk better wait a bit.. after I get high tonight.. then tomorrow I'll call Steve"
The next day: "I feel like ****, my body hurts, I don't want to call Steve in this state, better go get High so I feel better, then I'll call him..."
etc etc etc
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
When she shows you who she is - believe her.
I didn't ... I wanted to believe more - but who they are right now IS right now. And right now - you don't have to be having this in your world - you can't change her - so what can you do - to live the life you want to be living?
I didn't ... I wanted to believe more - but who they are right now IS right now. And right now - you don't have to be having this in your world - you can't change her - so what can you do - to live the life you want to be living?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
"gee I should call Steve, but let me just get high first."
"oh ****, I forgot to call him, now I feel bad... think I'll go get high though"
"What was I gonna do? Oh yeah, call Steve. But now I'm too high to talk better wait a bit.. after I get high tonight.. then tomorrow I'll call Steve"
The next day: "I feel like ****, my body hurts, I don't want to call Steve in this state, better go get High so I feel better, then I'll call him..."
"oh ****, I forgot to call him, now I feel bad... think I'll go get high though"
"What was I gonna do? Oh yeah, call Steve. But now I'm too high to talk better wait a bit.. after I get high tonight.. then tomorrow I'll call Steve"
The next day: "I feel like ****, my body hurts, I don't want to call Steve in this state, better go get High so I feel better, then I'll call him..."
My thought was "I'll deal with so-n-so later. Right now I'm just going to get high. Then I won't worry about it anymore."
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 58
Thank you for this:
***Steve, one of the primary things I look for in a relationship with a man is whether he has the ability to truly hear me the first time I say something and then acts accordingly.
Because I do not want to nag. I do not want to be ignored or dismissed or discounted***
yup yup YUP!!!!! im trying to talk less, as well, so that my words hold more weight.
***Steve, one of the primary things I look for in a relationship with a man is whether he has the ability to truly hear me the first time I say something and then acts accordingly.
Because I do not want to nag. I do not want to be ignored or dismissed or discounted***
yup yup YUP!!!!! im trying to talk less, as well, so that my words hold more weight.
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