Lilly03

I'm on day 25 and the only word I can think of to describe how I feel is bleh. I wish I could put into words how I feel, but I don't know what it is.

When I first got sober I was confused - then I realized it was addiction - then I researched and worked on my help/support system and felt overwhelmed but relieved - then I was actually happy - and now I don't know. It's almost like I hit some sort of wall. I almost want to say I'm bored with it all, but that seems ridiculous. I still have the same drive, but I feel like part of me is going backward while the rest goes forward and it's holding me down? I don't know.

Thanks - I needed to vent.

SparklingSeven

It's a real topsy-turvey time. I gave up on sobriety a number of times early on because of feeling almost worse and thinking that by X-amount of days I should be feeling better. It can be like you describe for quite a while.

I would be going along fine and then feel bad for no apparent reason. For me it was the explained by researching PAWS which can be read about on this site and many other places -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post_Acute_Withdrawal_Syndrome

It was good to know what was causing these "dips" and it made it easier to work through them knowing there was light at the end of the tunnel.

While at times it can feel crap being sober, it's always worse being a practising alcoholic.

And if you drink again, you've still got to go through all the same stuff next time you stop - I've found it's best just to plod along a day at a time and be prepared that some of these days may be a trial it does get better though.

Stu.

Also James Milam - Under The Influence is a great book if you havent read it.

Lilly03

I've read some info on PAWS, but I don't completely understand it...Is it basically withdraw symptoms that last for a while after the physical withdraw?

SSIL75

I have felt like that. Not this time around but before.

For me it happened when I wasn't really convinced that being completely alcohol free forever was the right route. And also when I focused solely on 'not drinking' as opposed to 'living sober'.

Could it be either of those things for you?

Dee74

Here's some info on PAWs Lilly

Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) — Why we don’t get better immediately) « Digital Dharma

D

yeahgr8

Same here...i will add that i had to be willing to change and find a road to recovery that involved actual action instead of just stopping drinking and thinking external changes would keep me sober...

least

It's not w/d so much as it is the brain healing, and it takes time. I too felt rather 'blah' at first, but I persisted and looked - deliberately looked - for things to be happy about and it helped.

Reach out to little Zoe. Lots of walks and hugs and affection. My dogs get me thru some rough times with their unconditional love and silly antics.

If you continue to feel so 'flat', see your doctor for a check up. Make sure there's not a physical cause for the blah feelings.

doggonecarl

Twenty five days seems right for a slump. Everybody has ups and downs. The problem with us is that we dealt with them differently. By drinking. You say you can't describe how you feel? It might be because you are facing negative feelings sober for the first time in a long time. Hard to describe what you don't know. Ride it out. In a week you'll wonder why you felt so bleh.

Don't use it as a reason to stray from recovery. Hang in there!

Kjell

Some things can only be healed by time. Once we make the decision to live sober and do what ever it takes to stay sober, it's natural for us to want to be super-duper sober right way, but we've got to heal our sick brains.

Hang in there and be patient. The steps of AA will get you started right away if you're interested.

Freeport

Improvement by day with sobriety is imperceptible, at least beyond the outward symptoms of no longer being intoxicated. For me, the best improvement comparisons came about every three months. There are ups and downs in between, especially those "So this is it?" moments that gripped me quite frequently the first year. I'm too busy enjoying a career, life and family to have those moments anymore.

I think Least explains it well. This is a brain injury. Watch professional sports and you'll see that no injury takes smaller, more frustrating steps to heal than one to the brain. But looks back after 3, 6, 9, 12 months and you'll slowly stop recognizing that person you were.

Lilly03

Thanks so much for all the support, it makes me feel a lot better to know that this is normal. I think a lot of it is accepting a "sober" life and knowing this is it. I'm looking down the road at going home for Christmas and being around old friends sober...it seems really rough. Maybe that's something I can't worry about now - maybe if I stay calm and work on myself when Christmas comes I'll be more confident in my recovery. I'm not sorry worrying about it is going to help anything.

I think I was getting sick too...I woke up today with a cold and ended up staying in bed most of the day. I missed a class which I'm really stressed about, but I'm going to take care of myself and rest. Does anyone here take cold medicine still? One of my problems was Benedryl so I need to find an alternative? Maybe I'll just wait it out and see if rest does the trick.

Least - Zoe has been a big help. She gets me out of the house, which is great. I think they're having a movie in a park around here (booze free), and I think I'll take her.

LaFemme

Hola! Before I quit I had this idea that once I got through withdrawal life would Just be peachy fine. And in many ways it is...in that I am sober...but it is also still life and life is messy with ups and Downs and just plain bleh emotions. Now we learn how to actually deal with emotions without drowning them away.

For instance...I was thinking about this weekend and was feeling kind of bleh about it. And then I decided to do something I haven't done in years...I'm taking a day for myself to have fun. I took a lot of days off for alcohol...but I've never taken a day off for fun. So that's what I'm going to try and do tomorrow. Just go into the city and have fun for a day.
Sending happy thoughts your way.

artsoul

I went into a funk right before 30 days (again at 60, not so much at 90). I wanted a break from sobriety(!) - it just seemed like everything was too much trouble, or like the sun just wouldn't shine. So you're definitely not experiencing anything out of the ordinary.

I also want to say that since about the 4-month mark (for the past two months) I've hardly had a twinge of that "down" feeling. I really feel like my mind/emotions have settled down quite a bit and become a lot more positive.

Sooooooo..............keep the faith, OK?!

Kmber2010

Lilly, I am glad to see the update and this thread is full of solid advice/experience.

I too felt similar at different stages in my recovery, the bleh feeling quickly passed though but the key was to see it through sober. Finding positive activities helped tremendously and guess what? I began to feel good and gained more strength and confidence from it.

Stay the course and as always check in with the Dr. if you are concerned. I found amping up my support and working a bit harder made the difference. The support and work we do seems to evolve as we move along - at least for me it did.

Good stuff and nice to see you sharing this with us. Keep it going!

Stang

Could just be that lil thang called...DRUMMMMMMMMMMM RROOLLLLLLLLLLLL...LIFE! See we recovering sots are use to numbing out our bad feelings. Of course this leads to worse feelings and consequences but our pickled minds say "WHO CARES I WANNA GET STEWED"!
In our new age, panty waist culture we are told that we shouldn't have bad feelings. Well here is the latest in sober yo ass up tecnology. We all have bad days and get down sometime...it's just life. Drinking will just make matters worse.
You'll get through it just fine.

SSIL75

lol. I love it.

caribbean

My sponsor told me that the AA chip system that many groups in my area use (chips for 30, 90, 120, 180, and 270 days) was developed because people would tend to pick up a drink again around the time of these milestones. Having something to "look forward to" (e.g., picking up a chip for 30 days sober) seemed to help motivate people to stay in a little longer, and then the momentum from the social support they'd receive when they received their chip would help carry them into the next "level" of their recovery.

I'm right at day 30 myself, and I have definitely experienced a plateau -- a little burned out from so much growth and change, even though it's all good. I just know I have to push past it and keep on my same path, because the alternative is too frightening to consider.

Thanks for sharing, Lilly03 -- you are definitely not alone.

Zencat

It took me a long wile before I was feeling good about my prospects for a better future. That 'bla' feeling had a lot to do with what direction I was willing to work for in order to live with hope in my heart. Keep on the road to recovery, like can get better with the proper motivation to make it so.