Kinda OT..Enablers R everywhere!

Old 10-28-2010, 05:14 PM
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Kinda OT..Enablers R everywhere!

I am practically shaking as I write this.I work with 0-3 year olds with developmental delays. i have a lttle girl i see whose father has horns tattooed on his head, no job, on food stamps, has a restricted license due to DUI's, has a history of violence against the mother (she had a restraining order)and is all around just a peach.
The little girl is severely delayed and can't speak.All of these factors put her in a very high risk category for abuse. Well, a teacher at the school mentioned she has recently masterbated herself at naptime..now..could be developmentally appropriate or it could be a sign of sexual abuse. I have been THIIIIS close to reporting this family anyway, but this new info. just did it.
The school director called me and really seems to feel the whole thing has been blown out of proportion. She says he's really a nice guy and just loves his daughter so much. I told her I didn't accuse him of anything, but given his alcohol problem and past violence whether or not he's "a really good guy" he is at high risk for being an abuser. God knows who goes in and out of the house. Now mom has a new bf that dad says has a history of abuse...I want to fu&*ing throw up right now.
Why do people excuse this kind of behavior ..she actually said"Alot of people go through this kind of thing when they break up" What? Threats, violence? He didn't even DENY that he shoved her down..omg I am losing it. Why in f are in in the business of taking care of kids ? We were civil and I used alot of alanon techniques to communicate but really I felt like I was arguing with an addict..then it hit me..no, I'm arguing with an ENABLER! Turns out she has known him most of his life.bARF I have been working with kids since I was 16 and have only reported about 5 people.I am just in disbeleif..shouldn't be. Oh and CPS won't do a damn thing, but at least the report will be on there for the future.
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Old 10-28-2010, 05:29 PM
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I worked with disabled kids for awhile too.

It broke my heart.
The things I saw!
I had to quit....and one young girl started clapping when I explained that I was leaving and why...she was totally validated and thrilled that someone would step up for her.

I have turned folks in a couple of times...it doesn't remedy the situation but they are obligated to look into any report.
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
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Old 10-28-2010, 06:19 PM
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keepinon
We always talk about how talking with addicts is like banging your head against a wall. 20/20 hindsight......as an enabler......I was probably as deeply entrenched in denial as my AS. Enablers can definitely be as sick as the addict is and not have a clue (speaking about myself here.....not referring to anyone else but me).

I hope that this little innocent child is not being harmed in any way. I can't even imagine the how or why someone would hurt a child.....it defies logic. I don't know that I could handle the situation you've been placed in.

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Old 10-28-2010, 06:19 PM
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Originally Posted by keepinon View Post
I am practically shaking as I write this.I work with 0-3 year olds with developmental delays. i have a lttle girl i see whose father has horns tattooed on his head, no job, on food stamps, has a restricted license due to DUI's, has a history of violence against the mother (she had a restraining order)and is all around just a peach.
The little girl is severely delayed and can't speak.All of these factors put her in a very high risk category for abuse. Well, a teacher at the school mentioned she has recently masterbated herself at naptime..now..could be developmentally appropriate or it could be a sign of sexual abuse. I have been THIIIIS close to reporting this family anyway, but this new info. just did it.
The school director called me and really seems to feel the whole thing has been blown out of proportion. She says he's really a nice guy and just loves his daughter so much. I told her I didn't accuse him of anything, but given his alcohol problem and past violence whether or not he's "a really good guy" he is at high risk for being an abuser. God knows who goes in and out of the house. Now mom has a new bf that dad says has a history of abuse...I want to fu&*ing throw up right now.
Why do people excuse this kind of behavior ..she actually said"Alot of people go through this kind of thing when they break up" What? Threats, violence? He didn't even DENY that he shoved her down..omg I am losing it. Why in f are in in the business of taking care of kids ? We were civil and I used alot of alanon techniques to communicate but really I felt like I was arguing with an addict..then it hit me..no, I'm arguing with an ENABLER! Turns out she has known him most of his life.bARF I have been working with kids since I was 16 and have only reported about 5 people.I am just in disbeleif..shouldn't be. Oh and CPS won't do a damn thing, but at least the report will be on there for the future.
Keepinon,

How very frightening, and discouraging for you. Here you are , helping these children, and then, when something quite terrible could be happening, the powersthatbe, turn their heads?!

I dont know how you bear it-Thank God that you are there, to do what you can for them.
I dont even want to know how often this happens.
Poor babies.
Poor Keep-((((((hugs))))))
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Old 10-28-2010, 06:23 PM
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I can usually keep it together but this kid is SO vulnerable.The word that keeps coming up over and over in my head is just "BARF". She just lost the genetic AND parental lottery. Most of my kids have awesome parents who would do anything for their little guys...but her parents just scare the sh#$ out of me..the things she has already seen and can't even tell us
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Old 10-28-2010, 06:24 PM
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Can you report it anyway? Isn't it the law? If you suspect something, you report it? I am glad you are there!
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Old 10-28-2010, 06:26 PM
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Oh I reported it! I just took sh@% for reporting it but guess wwhat..I DON'T CARE!!! If there are any future reports, then they can just add to it..I basically just started a paper trail. I'm guessing this won't be the last report that ever gets made on her, sadly.
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Old 10-28-2010, 06:30 PM
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I do not know for sure that there has been abuse (other than her exposure to domestic violence which IS child abuse in CA) BUT..my gut has had me on high alert with her and I almost never get like that..24 years working with kids ..this is about my 5 th report so I don't just do it all the time..but my skin just crawled when they said she had been masturbating..could be nothing and we won't find out beacuse she can't talk ..but I want the family to know that someone is WATCHING!!!!
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Old 10-28-2010, 06:37 PM
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You are this child's hope. I do not think that the masturbating is normal at 3 even for a mentally disabled child is it? I know that older/pubescent Down Syndrome children may do this. How do you even figure out what's going on here? Any other children?
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Old 10-28-2010, 06:42 PM
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It is developmentally appropriate for kids to explore their bodies and some kids will self soothe that way.BUT it can also be a sign of sexual abuse and with all the risk factors she has..who knows.No other kids in family.. she splits time between mom and dad..another risk factor as apparently mom has a bf in the home now. I truly hope its nothing.i have been around long enough to know that CPS won't do anything UNLESS dad has a record..which given the dui's, tattoo horns, and violence on mom..he probably does have.Why he has any custody of her at all ..you'd have to ask the great state of California.
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Old 10-28-2010, 06:53 PM
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The "rights" of the parents???!!!! Sounds like they are both peaches. Keep the heat on! Thanks for the info. I sucked my thumb. A little easier to figure out. We were all well able to talk, but we didn't. Even as adults!
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Old 10-28-2010, 07:16 PM
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I hope that it is nothing too, Keep. Thank you for caring for her, she has no other protectors, it seems. Those antenna are probably pretty good at picking up signals, with your experience. Bless her. I am sooo glad that you reported it.
I wish there was something I could do.

I have always felt that it is my calling to help children. I sometimes follow people around (in my grocery store!), if they are abusive to their kids. I let them know that people are noticing . I dont mean the typical, poor taste verbal crap, but if i notice a child seeming to be beaten down, emotionally, and the adult is being mean, i will follow them, and make a point to talk to the child. let adult know that I am watching. Beware the floral lady! I hate people who are mean to children. hate them.
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Old 10-28-2010, 07:30 PM
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God bless the child and God bless you for being the voice of a child who cannot speak out.

Trust your instinct, I do, I trust your instinct. I volunteered in a women's shelter and I am much better today at spotting women who are probably abused. I see them in the grocery store and the bank and in high end corporate offices, and they all have a look about them that screams of abuse.

Stay angry, continue to speak out keepinon, because these children need people like you to protect people like them.

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Old 10-29-2010, 04:02 AM
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(((Keep))) Bless you for watching out for her. I just want to remind you that after you have done all you can do in a practical way, all you can do is pray and turn her over to HP. I hate to see you getting so upset when you have so much else going on.
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Old 10-29-2010, 06:56 AM
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This just gave me chills. I have nothing to add but a THANK YOU. This makes me sick. So many people out there desperately want children, but can't have them. Sickening.
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Old 10-29-2010, 07:39 AM
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Originally Posted by keepinon View Post
Oh I reported it! I just took sh@% for reporting it but guess wwhat..I DON'T CARE!!! If there are any future reports, then they can just add to it..I basically just started a paper trail. I'm guessing this won't be the last report that ever gets made on her, sadly.
keepinon
You have followed your gut instinct and done what you thought was best. God forbid if anything happens to this sweet innocent, you will know that you did what you needed to do for her. If you had not done anything and found later that something was going on, you would have a hard time living with that (or at least I would).

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