Dorimar18

Hi everyone,

I just registered here so I could get some advice and insight as to what I should do with the situation I am in. So like a month or 2 months ago, I cant exactly remember, i was im my room and when i looked out the window and my dad was mowing the lawn and he had stopped and looked like he was put something in his nose, it looked like he was snorting it. I was like 'it cant be' and didnt put much thought into it. Anyways, today i was looking for a razor and i remembered seeing on top of one of the cabinets in the kitchen so i grabbed a chair and propped myself up to look for it and right next to the razor was a little blue pill box. It was the same one I saw my dad had in his hand the day he was mowing the lawn so I opened it and inside was a little straw and a baggie of white powder, which is obviously coke. I completely freaked, closed it, did what i had to do and left the house.

To be honest, never im my wildest thoughts i would think my dad was a user. He doesnt look like it, he acts very normal, has a good steady job... The only thing i can think of is that he has a really bad temper but only with reasons. I dont think that even my mom knows. I really dont know what to do, my dad and I gave never been very close and our father-daughter is not that great.

What can I do? I feel very helpless right now and dont know what to do. Any help or advice will be greatly appreciated.

Kindeyes

Dorimar
Welcome to SR.......but I'm so sorry for the circumstance that brings you here.

Just wondering how old you are?

Let's assume that what you have found is true (and keep in mind that there is a possibility that something else is going on here that you aren't aware of). There is nothing that you have to do about it other than to take care of yourself right now. Would you feel comfortable talking with your mother?

Some other people will be along shortly to give you some additional support and they may have some suggestions for you.

gentle hugs

outtolunch

I thought my daughter was using cocaine. It was actually heroin, not that it matters.

I think I would bring it to my mother's attention and suspect that on some level, she knows.

Consider making a mantra out of something like:

I did not cause this
I do not control this
I cannot cure this

CWAnon25

I know the feeling of suddenly being bombarded with knowing what your dad is up to because I am in the same situation. I know how it feels to feel hopeless in a sense or just confused because you never thought it could happen to you or anyone you are close to. All you can do is talk to someone who will listen to you, because there really is no advice anyone can give. The only advice someone can have is, like the person before me, understand that it is not your fault and there is nothing you can do to change it. Just stay strong and know that what your Dad is doing is not a reflection of you and you can rise above it, and still love your dad all at the same time!

coffeedrinker

Dorimar,

Sorry I'm too tired to post, but I do wish to welcome you to this forum.

It's a really wonderful site, and there are always peeps hangin around, willing to share a bit of themselves with you.

Wishing you peace

ZombieWife

I'm so sorry, Dorimar. My father is an alcoholic and I remember when I realized this, it was like my entire world was rattled to the core. Here are parents are supposed to taking care of us and looking out for our best interests and when we learn they are not "walking the walk" so to say, it can be very traumatic.

I agree that it doesn't matter what it is (could be coke, heroin, meth), it matters that he does it and it's bad for him. There are high-functioning addicts out there, addicts that could fool you by the look of them, by the way they act.

Stay with us. Keep us updated on how you are handling this all. Love yourself. Find a group to speak with (like alanon or naranon).

<3 <3 <3

Hazz

Hi,

I'm just wondering what you did in this situation and what the outcome was?

My hardworking 'perfect' dad has also been hiding his true colours. A couple years ago my mum found out my dad was sniffing coke, she went ballistic, she kicked him out and swore she'd never see him again. He went to rehab sessions and managed to beat his addiction and after 6 months he returned home, everything went back to normal and we were all good.

Until today, my sister (16 years old) rang me up to say that she'd found a stash of cocaine on top of my wardrobe (my dad was sleeping in my room that night as I stayed out) along with a rolled up note.

I was so certain that my dad had stopped using but now I think about it he hasn't changed since. Don't get me wrong, I have an excellent relationship with my dad, he's more like a friend, always there when I need him and helps me through any bad situation.

I'm 19 years old and I really need some advice, I can't tell my mum because I know she'll leave him and he won't be able to cope, that will just make the whole situation worse. I'm worried to tell him about it as that may also make the situation much worse as he is one to run away from his problems.

Seren

Hello Hazz, Welcome to SR!

One thing I can tell you...none of this is your fault!! You are not responsible for your Dad's happiness or your Mom's.

Your Dad does need help, but you and your Mom are not qualified to give him that help. And really, he is only going to seek help if and when he decides it is a problem for him--which doesn't seem to be his mindset right now.

I can't advise you on whether or not to tell your Mom, but if it were me, I would want to know. I would feel as though I had the right to know so that I could make an informed decision about whether or not I wanted to stay in the same house where someone kept and used drugs. And who knows? Maybe, in some way, she really already suspects as much.

Others should be along soon with much more experience, but I wanted to let you know you were heard and among people who do understand!

PuzzledHeart

Hazz, welcome!

I would strongly recommend starting your own thread. People are incredibly welcoming here and always look out for newcomers.

Your dad is an adult. He knows the consequences of using again because I presume your mom laid them out for him. I know this sounds harsh, but if he didn't want her to leave, he wouldn't have started using again.

You may want to drop by Friends and Families of Alcoholics. There are a couple recovering alcoholics who post there, and often it wasn't until their loved ones actually left them that they finally recognized they had a problem and started their recovery journey.

You should know that slipping after rehab is quite common. Recovery is a lifelong commitment, not just a visit at a facility. Recovery also includes learning new coping mechanisms - the fact that your dad still avoids problems as his way of solving them shows that he has a ways to go.

If you were married to an addict presumably in recovery, and you found out that your friends and family knew that he had slipped and kept it a secret from you, how would you feel?

Look, I know it's hard. My mom once threatened suicide and I had to call 911 to make sure she was safe. She yelled that she would never speak to me again. I told her that her safety was more important to me than her anger.

I'm sorry that you're going through this.
Hugs

OpheliaKatz

Dorimar, I feel sad to read what you posted, but I do think your mother needs to know. She has a right to know. It's likely that she already suspects something anyway. It is not easy when someone you care about has been hiding something like this. You will have a lot of different feelings. Maybe anger, sadness, a little bit of denial, you might feel betrayed. Please consider talking to an addiction professional, like a therapist or counselor who specializes in addiction and find some Naranon meetings for you. I hope you look after your health and your emotions during this difficult time.