itsjustme68

I am new to this site, this is actually my first post, but I am reaching out for help and hoping someone out there will have some advice for me.

I had never had any issues with alcohol or drugs and at the age of 36 I had a surgery and quickly became addicted to pain medication. It was about a 6 month ordeal that cost me alot of money, my pride, my marriage, and so much more. I went and got the help I needed at the time and have been drug free for almost 5 years now but I am honestly still not ok. The emotional turmoil haunts me to this day. My children saw so much, I let them down horribly and things are just different now with them. I have custody of my boys and my daughter is off at college, they are all getting older now but they look at me different, its just so different. It aches so deep inside me I cant even begin to explain it. I let so many people down, so badly. I cant forgive myself for the any of it. How do I move on with my life? How will I ever move forward and find a way to be happy again without always looking back at the bad choices I made?

There is so much more to the story, but quite honestly I am too sad today to type it all out.

Please help????

Mark75

Welcome...

Have you thought about a 12 step recovery program, many start well after they have left the booze or drugs behind...

smacked

Have you considered counseling? Could be a great gift for yourself, and your family to work some of this residual stuff out..

LaFemme

Welcome...and I second what smacked said...it sounds like you could use some counseling.

jamdls

Hi ItJustme, welcome to SR. Counseling sounds like very good advice. Know that you are not alone, we can't fix a lot or any of the damage we caused when we were drugging/drinking so we have to learn how to fix what we can and let go of the rest. I was a drunk from the time my daughter was 16 - 26 and have been sober for 3 yrs and she has not forgiven me; I see her and my 2 grandson on rare occassions and she is distant and has even told me she can't forgive me. It hurts deeply but I work to build my new life and let her go otherwise it would destroy me, and I hope that some day maybe 10-20-30 yrs from now she will no longer look at me with anger and I want to be around for that day.

JackNWA

For me, a 12-step recovery group didn't help me sober up, it helped me live more of a "sane" life and deal better with my past. Many of the steps directly relate to being able to get to the point where you can release yourself from guilt, and stay focused on a brighter future.

Dee74

Hi itsjustme68
Congratulations on your 5 years - that's fantastic.

I think for many of us, we need to forgive ourselves. I think many addicts and alcoholics can hold themselves to impossibly high standards - I know I did and sometimes still do.

I've said it here many times - we're not bad or weak or debauched - we're people who are or who have been addicted...and there's a difference there.

Many people find a 12 step programme is helpful for letting go of the past, others prefer counselling...some do both.

I took this as a counselling issue myself.

I don't think there's any one right way - just what you feel would be more beneficial to you

I hope you'll stick around here too - the support I've received here has helped me immeasurably...

Welcome to SR