UPDATE: Friend of an addict

Old 10-27-2010, 09:54 AM
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Unhappy UPDATE: Friend of an addict

Hey all,
I know I haven't been on here for a few days, but I wanted to tell everyone what's been going on as of late. Last weekend, my girl-friends parents and sister found out she's an addict; by accident. Her mother went onto her computer, and the links that I had sent her for her to go to for information on rehab/detox came up. Her family had their suspicions for awhile, but could never prove it. She had stolen thousands of $$'s worth of jewelry from her family as well as from mine, pawned it, and now her mother is getting the stuff back(having to pay to get those items back). Her mother is determined to get her into some kind of program and even she (the addict), wants to be in a program. I speak to her sister everyday now, and she's an absolute mess; like how I was when I first had positive proof of use.

I did e-mail the results of the test to her mom and sister because they wanted the proof.

A few weeks ago, me and her (the addict), went to a blues club in NYC, she had told me that she stopped seeing the other guy she was seeing because she wanted to work things out with me; mind you this is before I tested and received the results. Her sister told me today, that she has been seeing him still.

I've spoken to her mother and they appreciate everything I've done to try to help her; and still want me there to support her. I'm not trying to be her boyfriend; I know that can't and absolutely will not happen unless/until she can love herself again and find out who she is. They understand that if at any point I would want to walk away, they would understand.

I plan on confronting her today concerning the stolen jewelry from my home; which she lied about 'not taking' in the first place as well as her lying about the other guy.
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Old 10-27-2010, 10:52 AM
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good luck i hope things work out for you. if your friend is like mine, she may have a ton of excuses or lies or ways of manipulating things, but i am sure you know that.

my (g)f stole a ton of old coins my mom had stashed away in my house. i used to leave money around allthe time and she never one took a dime from me. then i discovered the coins missing and confronted her- she claims to have not remembered doing it. she had a couple of blackout moments,but still i dont believe her.

also, in the past my addict did stuff like yours- started to hang with someone else and stopped because she could not stand the idea of losing me and had all kinds of reasons why she messed up like that. i let it go. there is that saying that i tiger cant change its stripes. well, as much as i try to wash them off or paint over them, the stripes are still there. it is good that you recognize that you do not want ot be her bf at this point. it took a lot for me to try to see her as a person and not my gf anymore. it is good that you are taking care of yourself.
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Old 10-27-2010, 12:05 PM
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Originally Posted by xflip227x View Post

I plan on confronting her today concerning the stolen jewelry from my home; which she lied about 'not taking' in the first place as well as her lying about the other guy.
And by doing so, you intend to achive what?

You/your family have been robbed. Is there any reason why the Police have not been contacted? It is their job to confront, if they have reasonable grounds to do so.

Most of us have used confrontation to attempt to control someone else. How about you?

Where exactly does being lied to and stolen from fit into this relationship? I do not associate with thiefs and liars and harbor no fantasy that I am poweful enough to change them.
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Old 10-27-2010, 12:38 PM
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It's hard loving an active addict as you know. It's impossible to change an active addict. And talking to one is like talking to a brick wall.

When we turn all of the energy we want to expend on the addict in our lives toward ourselves, good things happen. It may not change the addict or their behaviors but it can change our mindset, attitudes and behaviors. And we feel better.

gentle hugs
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