Mediation done...
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 302
Mediation done...
...and we actually reached a settlement. Less than he wanted, more than I wanted, but fair.
I'm paying him a considerable chunk of change over 4 years (I make a darn good income, if I do say myself), but it's not as bad as it could be. And it's non-modifiable alimony, which is apparently a strong protection as he could get sick again. I'm mostly just exhausted and glad to have it mostly over with. Now, just the formality of court and it's a done deal.
4 years of alimony. Not too bad. I can live with that. I got most of the debts (no surprise), but he kept his student loans, so one small victory there.
My lawyer promised me we'd have it all done by the end of the year, which will make the taxes easier. More painful, but easier.
Now I just have to talk to my accountant, and my mortgage guy, and god-only-knows who else. But it's over. It took 8 months, but it's over. (Well, over enough. I don't need the decree to feel the finality of those signatures.)
Sigh.
I am just drained. And sad. Relieved. I'm actually rather surprised at how utterly drained and spent I feel. Wasn't expecting that, but it shouldn't be a surprise - this marriage made me react in very physical ways.
Now, a hot bath, some milk and cookies (aaahhh) and to bed. MY bed. He didn't ask for much - the alimony was the sticky point. Didn't ask for much "stuff" at all.
Tired... drained... spent.
Very glad we aren't going to court.
Thanks for letting me dump it all out here.
Maybe I'll take my diamond to the jeweler tomorrow and see about having it reset.
Why am I so sad? Just a jumble of emotion, which I sure as hell didn't let out during negotiations. I'm sure he's feeling it - there was a lot more emotion in his room according to the mediator. I feel bad for him - first time in a long time, actually. It's just sad all around. He's not a bad guy - I just can't live like that anymore.
I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow. It's just such a weird whirlwind of emotions right now.
Sigh.
D
I'm paying him a considerable chunk of change over 4 years (I make a darn good income, if I do say myself), but it's not as bad as it could be. And it's non-modifiable alimony, which is apparently a strong protection as he could get sick again. I'm mostly just exhausted and glad to have it mostly over with. Now, just the formality of court and it's a done deal.
4 years of alimony. Not too bad. I can live with that. I got most of the debts (no surprise), but he kept his student loans, so one small victory there.
My lawyer promised me we'd have it all done by the end of the year, which will make the taxes easier. More painful, but easier.
Now I just have to talk to my accountant, and my mortgage guy, and god-only-knows who else. But it's over. It took 8 months, but it's over. (Well, over enough. I don't need the decree to feel the finality of those signatures.)
Sigh.
I am just drained. And sad. Relieved. I'm actually rather surprised at how utterly drained and spent I feel. Wasn't expecting that, but it shouldn't be a surprise - this marriage made me react in very physical ways.
Now, a hot bath, some milk and cookies (aaahhh) and to bed. MY bed. He didn't ask for much - the alimony was the sticky point. Didn't ask for much "stuff" at all.
Tired... drained... spent.
Very glad we aren't going to court.
Thanks for letting me dump it all out here.
Maybe I'll take my diamond to the jeweler tomorrow and see about having it reset.
Why am I so sad? Just a jumble of emotion, which I sure as hell didn't let out during negotiations. I'm sure he's feeling it - there was a lot more emotion in his room according to the mediator. I feel bad for him - first time in a long time, actually. It's just sad all around. He's not a bad guy - I just can't live like that anymore.
I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow. It's just such a weird whirlwind of emotions right now.
Sigh.
D
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
Now, a hot bath, some milk and cookies (aaahhh) and to bed. MY bed. He didn't ask for much - the alimony was the sticky point. Didn't ask for much "stuff" at all.
Congratulations on getting through an exhausting process. Your sadness is part of the normal grieving process...you're saying goodbye. Life as you knew it no longer exists...your dreams and vows fell victim to a nasty thing called alcoholism. May you have amazing, happy, wonderful, peaceful days ahead!
Hope you get a good night's sleep!
Last edited by HealingWillCome; 10-26-2010 at 05:29 PM. Reason: Didn't finish a sentence! :)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 83
Cogratulations, one step down and one step closer to the life you want to live. It's bound to be exhausting and emotional. Like you said the marriage itself was a physical reaction why should this be any different.
Enjoy your milk and cookies and revel in what is still ahead for you. Now if only I could follow my own advice.
Originally Posted by DMC 
I am just drained. And sad. Relieved. I'm actually rather surprised at how utterly drained and spent I feel. Wasn't expecting that, but it shouldn't be a surprise - this marriage made me react in very physical ways.
D
D
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Keep posting, it helps. I loved what you said "he is not a bad guy, I am just not in for that life anymore" wow, lots of loving dettachment.
As I have read active alkies live in the future but as time passes and consequences start arriving, they start reflecting on the past ("bitterly regretted past"). Perhaps this was happening.
Anyway feelings are just feelings, as intense as they may be... go with the glow, at least they are real... they are healthy.... Melody Beatty calls it all "the forgiving process" or "the healing process".
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 302
Thanks everyone. It's still a little overwhelming, and I was totally drained yesterday. Didn't sleep worth a darn, either... wonder why? Perhaps the swirling emotions with all the things to do.
I'm meeting a friend for lunch, just going to take it easy for the rest of the week. (Taking some time off from work to process and plan... and try to redo a budget now that I know what I'm up against.) Hopefully I'll hear from my lawyer today about when she arranged the hearing for. She was going to have to tack it onto some hearing with the same judge that was already scheduled to squeeze it in before the end of the year.
One day at a time.
Now I can get some quotes and see about shipping his stuff to him. (He's paying for shipping, and I get my garage back!)
Thanks for the support everyone.
I'm meeting a friend for lunch, just going to take it easy for the rest of the week. (Taking some time off from work to process and plan... and try to redo a budget now that I know what I'm up against.) Hopefully I'll hear from my lawyer today about when she arranged the hearing for. She was going to have to tack it onto some hearing with the same judge that was already scheduled to squeeze it in before the end of the year.
One day at a time.
Now I can get some quotes and see about shipping his stuff to him. (He's paying for shipping, and I get my garage back!)
Thanks for the support everyone.
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