Holding my temper, teeth clenched!
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Join Date: Jul 2008
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Holding my temper, teeth clenched!
Again I am on the-man, I cannot stand you! platform. xah's attorney emailed the thing to get my pension to my attorney to make sure it is all correct. I emailed her back and told her the divorce is done--this is their job--please do not do any more work on this.
I got the final bill from the attorney last week and almost fainted--at least half of it was her having to call the a**hole's attorney to get him to file things so the stinkin' divorce could be over.
All he had to do if fill out a one page form (that any moron could have filled out in Crayon for Pete's sake) but he sent it to my lawyer to make sure it was accurate. I emailed her to not respond and I would take care of correcting their errors. I don't need to shell out another hundred + dollars because they spelled my name wrong and don't even know their own client's address.
She misread my email and thought I was unhappy with their service-I was not and immediately emailed her back and told her that. They did an excellent job pushing this through so it could finally be over. But I had no idea, until I got the bill how much she had to push ex a**hole's attorney to do his *****job.
I swear he was like some high school student who did not do his homework and wanted to copy off the smart kid so he could still get a good grade and credit for the work. I basically paid for his legal fees because she did all his work so the divorce could finally end.
Plus on top of this I know they filled out the stinkin' form over 2 weeks ago because the a**hole called me on his way to the courthouse to gloat like some 3 year old. Nanny, nanny, boo, boo I'm going to go take your pension.
I just said, swell, and hung up on him.
Sorry, just needed to vent. It has been a weird day. I got my name changed on my driver's license but social security would not accept my court documents because they do not have a seal on them-so now I have to drive back to the courthouse and pay them for a new copy with a seal so I can change my name.
OK, breath. Just needed to get that out before my brain started shooting out my ears.
I got the final bill from the attorney last week and almost fainted--at least half of it was her having to call the a**hole's attorney to get him to file things so the stinkin' divorce could be over.
All he had to do if fill out a one page form (that any moron could have filled out in Crayon for Pete's sake) but he sent it to my lawyer to make sure it was accurate. I emailed her to not respond and I would take care of correcting their errors. I don't need to shell out another hundred + dollars because they spelled my name wrong and don't even know their own client's address.
She misread my email and thought I was unhappy with their service-I was not and immediately emailed her back and told her that. They did an excellent job pushing this through so it could finally be over. But I had no idea, until I got the bill how much she had to push ex a**hole's attorney to do his *****job.
I swear he was like some high school student who did not do his homework and wanted to copy off the smart kid so he could still get a good grade and credit for the work. I basically paid for his legal fees because she did all his work so the divorce could finally end.Plus on top of this I know they filled out the stinkin' form over 2 weeks ago because the a**hole called me on his way to the courthouse to gloat like some 3 year old. Nanny, nanny, boo, boo I'm going to go take your pension.
I just said, swell, and hung up on him.Sorry, just needed to vent. It has been a weird day. I got my name changed on my driver's license but social security would not accept my court documents because they do not have a seal on them-so now I have to drive back to the courthouse and pay them for a new copy with a seal so I can change my name.
OK, breath. Just needed to get that out before my brain started shooting out my ears.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
You sure you are not my BF posting as Wife2Kids? He has recently divorced his XAW and had the exact same vents! He is still angry about how he is paying her to stay home and be drunk. She goads him how easy it was to take money from him too. I feel so badly for him that he married and had children with an alcoholic addict. The only thing I know to tell him is that she is not going to change, and that if he wants things to get better for himself, HE is going to have to be the one to change. It DOES get better, but it is up to each one of us. Not sure this is helpful. (((hugs)))
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Can I just stay those funny smily things, especially the one poking someone in jail, make your rant hilarious. Only because I can relate, Girl. Trust me.
You'll get through it. Work it out, get back to your happy place.
Hugs
You'll get through it. Work it out, get back to your happy place.
Hugs
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Well I deleted the original email I was going to send to his attorney (I don't think I used the word moron but intimated he is one and also that I was sick of doing his work and he should get off his a** and do his own work). I wasn't really going to send it--just needed to write it out since I wanted to say it.
Instead I just sent the facts-you need to use both my initials (Please notice the name of the petitioner in the title of the case) because there is someone else who works for the state in the Dept. of Corrections with the initial you used (I did not add maybe she will come over and lock up your a** for messing up her pension).
Then, please contact your client to get his correct address.
Why should I help him take my pension? I'm not that freakin' codependent anymore that for da** sure.
I know L2L I will have to put up with the garbage until the kids are grown and probably after that (or at the rate he is going he may not last that long). I know what your BF means though. I'm trying to get a 2nd job to make ends meet and he's not working more than 15 hours a week. The sad thing is he is looking at houses that are way out of his price range (if he decides to cash out he is going to take a heavy hit)--and he is looking at them with the kids.
I did finally cave this weekend and go out and get some clothes for the kids from craigs because my older son was getting upset going to school wearing filthy clothes. They should not have to suffer because xah is a bum.
Instead I just sent the facts-you need to use both my initials (Please notice the name of the petitioner in the title of the case) because there is someone else who works for the state in the Dept. of Corrections with the initial you used (I did not add maybe she will come over and lock up your a** for messing up her pension).
Then, please contact your client to get his correct address.
Why should I help him take my pension? I'm not that freakin' codependent anymore that for da** sure.
I know L2L I will have to put up with the garbage until the kids are grown and probably after that (or at the rate he is going he may not last that long). I know what your BF means though. I'm trying to get a 2nd job to make ends meet and he's not working more than 15 hours a week. The sad thing is he is looking at houses that are way out of his price range (if he decides to cash out he is going to take a heavy hit)--and he is looking at them with the kids.
I did finally cave this weekend and go out and get some clothes for the kids from craigs because my older son was getting upset going to school wearing filthy clothes. They should not have to suffer because xah is a bum.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
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I know L2L I will have to put up with the garbage until the kids are grown and probably after that...
I'm trying to get a 2nd job to make ends meet and he's not working more than 15 hours a week.
The sad thing is he is looking at houses that are way out of his price range (if he decides to cash out he is going to take a heavy hit)--and he is looking at them with the kids.
I did finally cave this weekend and go out and get some clothes for the kids from craigs because my older son was getting upset going to school wearing filthy clothes. They should not have to suffer because xah is a bum
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L2L-same with me. Worked since I was 16 and worked full time through college (and usually 60+ hours a week summers). So it is hard to try to understand complete and total bums who feel they are owed something by everyone else.
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
Well, now that you are no longer a wife I believe a name change here on SR is in order as well as on legal documents...
An empowering, uplifting, strong as hell name change. Makes a big difference.
Believe me, I know!
(formerly known as DirtMagnet!)
An empowering, uplifting, strong as hell name change. Makes a big difference.
Believe me, I know!
(formerly known as DirtMagnet!)
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by Wife2Kids 
PurpleSquirrel I've been thinking about that. . .and need to think of a good name because I am not who I was when I came to SR over 2 years ago.
Need to ponder a bit. . .
Need to ponder a bit. . .
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
How about "Free In Spirit"
"Ex Of Sponge"
"Not Your Momma"
"The Strong One"
"I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar!"
Better off without him, but I honestly do not understand the laws that allow this kind of abomination!
"Ex Of Sponge"
"Not Your Momma"
"The Strong One"
"I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar!"
Better off without him, but I honestly do not understand the laws that allow this kind of abomination!
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Uggh. This whole divorce process sucks. I was initially going to say "Why isn't it as easy as getting married?" But then I remembered trying to plan my wedding and the fact that I'd stressed myself out so much that I became ill. I really should have taken that for a sign about the whole idea of marriage to STBXAH. Ah, hindsight. Oh! And much like the divorce is likely to cost me more money than it will STBX. The cost for part of that little shindig came out of my savings, too, and my parents covered the rest. (Well, I guess that’s the norm, but he offered to pay ½ when we started planning and then never had any money… Didn’t that make for a wonderful start? Not at all prophetic. snerk)
I had a whole thing typed up about the kids clothing that your XAH can’t seem to wash, but parents who routinely dress way ‘better’ than their kids do appears to be a pretty big trigger for me. And other than the poor laundry scheduling skills mentioned, not sure if my rant would apply to your XAH. Definitely wouldn’t help – other than to make me feel better, which typing it out, even if deleted, did.
If you figure this one out, can you let me in on it? I so do not get it. I worked afternoon/evenings in high school, through college, refused to let my parents take out loans for my school, got my own student loans for what wasn’t covered by the scholarships and jobs, and paid it all off on my own. Not to mention, I’ve been working my bottom off to keep a roof over our heads, the heat and power turned on, feeding and clothing DS, and for pre-school/after-school care. STBX on the other hand, not so much.
My STBXAH has a beautiful house (his GF’s), so he’s no longer telling DS that he’ll be getting a new place. At least that’s something he’s no longer lying to DS about. Isn’t that a weird one for the gratitude list? “My STBXAH is no longer lying to DS about where he’s living or where he’s going to live.” I think that's the nicest thing I can say about him right now.
Hang in there Wife2Kids. I’m sorry that you’re having to deal with him. Remember to take care of yourself and hugs all around for your and your kids.
I had a whole thing typed up about the kids clothing that your XAH can’t seem to wash, but parents who routinely dress way ‘better’ than their kids do appears to be a pretty big trigger for me. And other than the poor laundry scheduling skills mentioned, not sure if my rant would apply to your XAH. Definitely wouldn’t help – other than to make me feel better, which typing it out, even if deleted, did.
Originally Posted by Learn2Live
I would honestly like to know what planet these people come from because I have worked since I was 16 years old. When I was in high school I worked nights, and when I was in college I worked full time and went to college full time. What kind of person does not work and expects someone else to pay the bills? Yuck.
Originally Posted by Wife2Kids
The sad thing is he is looking at houses that are way out of his price range (if he decides to cash out he is going to take a heavy hit)--and he is looking at them with the kids.
Hang in there Wife2Kids. I’m sorry that you’re having to deal with him. Remember to take care of yourself and hugs all around for your and your kids.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
How someone whose contribution to the marriage has consisted of mainly 
and being a 
......can make demands like 
is beyond my understanding.
Oh well, I leave it to HP (God) to stop me grinding my teeth in fury anymore, and let Him be in charge of "fair play" and where it applies, retribution.
But Lord, sometimes......................aaaaaaahhhhhh.
and being a ......can make demands like is beyond my understanding.Oh well, I leave it to HP (God) to stop me grinding my teeth in fury anymore, and let Him be in charge of "fair play" and where it applies, retribution.
But Lord, sometimes......................aaaaaaahhhhhh.
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uncertainty he always dresses better than the kids. Heck, the year before I left he went to NYC for a gig and laid out $5000 on suits. Like he had that kind of money. I believe those suits were part of the refinancing of our house. So he is always Dapper Dan and the kids looks like a mess. So your rant would have been warranted.
kiki he gets half my pension because he does not work (or works very little and is self employed) so there is nothing to take. I get half of his stuff. Half of nothing is nothing. I live in a 50-50 state that is also no fault. So regardless of the fact that I left because he was an alcholic, drug user, loser who would not get a job and let his wife work 2 jobs to support the family and was violent because he was unhappy with life--that did not matter. It's no fault and since it's no fault no one gives a rat's a** and he can take half of my stuff. Fair-nope. But at least I am no longer living with him and my divorce is finally over.
No more hoopla???? Hmmm. Loved NotYourMama (made me laugh) but that reminded me of him too much and want my name to be about who I am now. Still pondering. But must rid myself of that wife thing ASAP!
kiki he gets half my pension because he does not work (or works very little and is self employed) so there is nothing to take. I get half of his stuff. Half of nothing is nothing. I live in a 50-50 state that is also no fault. So regardless of the fact that I left because he was an alcholic, drug user, loser who would not get a job and let his wife work 2 jobs to support the family and was violent because he was unhappy with life--that did not matter. It's no fault and since it's no fault no one gives a rat's a** and he can take half of my stuff. Fair-nope. But at least I am no longer living with him and my divorce is finally over.
No more hoopla???? Hmmm. Loved NotYourMama (made me laugh) but that reminded me of him too much and want my name to be about who I am now. Still pondering. But must rid myself of that wife thing ASAP!
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
I was unaware of how different each state was, far as marriage laws go. I will be looking at those laws very very carefully if I ever decide to get married again.
It's more likely however, that I will not be re-marrying.
It's more likely however, that I will not be re-marrying.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,288
Originally Posted by Wife2Kids
uncertainty he always dresses better than the kids. Heck, the year before I left he went to NYC for a gig and laid out $5000 on suits. Like he had that kind of money. I believe those suits were part of the refinancing of our house. So he is always Dapper Dan and the kids looks like a mess. So your rant would have been warranted.
kiki he gets half my pension because he does not work (or works very little and is self employed) so there is nothing to take. I get half of his stuff. Half of nothing is nothing. I live in a 50-50 state that is also no fault. So regardless of the fact that I left because he was an alcholic, drug user, loser who would not get a job and let his wife work 2 jobs to support the family and was violent because he was unhappy with life--that did not matter. It's no fault and since it's no fault no one gives a rat's a** and he can take half of my stuff. Fair-nope. But at least I am no longer living with him and my divorce is finally over.
No more hoopla???? Hmmm. Loved NotYourMama (made me laugh) but that reminded me of him too much and want my name to be about who I am now. Still pondering. But must rid myself of that wife thing ASAP!
kiki he gets half my pension because he does not work (or works very little and is self employed) so there is nothing to take. I get half of his stuff. Half of nothing is nothing. I live in a 50-50 state that is also no fault. So regardless of the fact that I left because he was an alcholic, drug user, loser who would not get a job and let his wife work 2 jobs to support the family and was violent because he was unhappy with life--that did not matter. It's no fault and since it's no fault no one gives a rat's a** and he can take half of my stuff. Fair-nope. But at least I am no longer living with him and my divorce is finally over.
No more hoopla???? Hmmm. Loved NotYourMama (made me laugh) but that reminded me of him too much and want my name to be about who I am now. Still pondering. But must rid myself of that wife thing ASAP!
his income should be calculated based on "potential earnings" and even it out with yours that way
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I did not settle for no fault. There are no other options. That is the only way you can file for a divorce in my state.
My lawyer tried to go the "potential earning" route for child support. We went through mediation and the mediator said--you have not been able to make him get a job what makes you think we will be able to force him to get a job. They actually told me they knew what he would do because it was the same thing all the rest of them do. He would go out and apply for 5 jobs he was not qualified for every week. That is all he has to do--apply for 5 jobs a week. It is easy to get around the potential earning laws.
Also the law says I cannot take all of his money for child support because he needs something to live on. So even if they tried to go the potential earing route they still could not take more from him than they were giving me because of that law.
Is it fair? No, not in the least. Was there anything I could do about it? No, not at all. It would have cost me more in legal fees than I probably would have gotten from him. It would have also prolonged the divorce. So I would have spent more money and he would still get everything he got. I would not have gotten any more from him and would have waited longer to get rid of his lazy a**.
Me-I will not be getting married ever again unless I sign a pre-nup that says all my stuff is mine and all your stuff is mine too (hee, hee). After my divorce my sister told all 3 of her daughters they were not going to get any of their inheritance unless they signed pre-nups! Of course they have a squillion times more money than me so I can see why.
I figure it will take me 2 to 3 years to recover financially from the divorce and a lifetime to recover financially from the loss of my pension.
However I have recovered my sanity immediately so it was worth it.
My lawyer tried to go the "potential earning" route for child support. We went through mediation and the mediator said--you have not been able to make him get a job what makes you think we will be able to force him to get a job. They actually told me they knew what he would do because it was the same thing all the rest of them do. He would go out and apply for 5 jobs he was not qualified for every week. That is all he has to do--apply for 5 jobs a week. It is easy to get around the potential earning laws.
Also the law says I cannot take all of his money for child support because he needs something to live on. So even if they tried to go the potential earing route they still could not take more from him than they were giving me because of that law.
Is it fair? No, not in the least. Was there anything I could do about it? No, not at all. It would have cost me more in legal fees than I probably would have gotten from him. It would have also prolonged the divorce. So I would have spent more money and he would still get everything he got. I would not have gotten any more from him and would have waited longer to get rid of his lazy a**.
Me-I will not be getting married ever again unless I sign a pre-nup that says all my stuff is mine and all your stuff is mine too (hee, hee). After my divorce my sister told all 3 of her daughters they were not going to get any of their inheritance unless they signed pre-nups! Of course they have a squillion times more money than me so I can see why.
I figure it will take me 2 to 3 years to recover financially from the divorce and a lifetime to recover financially from the loss of my pension.
However I have recovered my sanity immediately so it was worth it.
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
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Every time I read this title I subconsciously replace "teeth clenched," with "butt cheeks clenched," because I'm emotionally 12 but it makes me laugh.
I think you're new name should be DON'T **** WITH ME
I think you're new name should be DON'T **** WITH ME
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