a short history of last week
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
a short history of last week
AH had a b'day--started on Sunday with DS32 bringing into the house a case of beer, vodka, and single malt scotch.
They drank it all.
Monday, DS32 had the worst working day of his career because of being totally out of it, late to work, losing his phone, not knowing what was going on, etc. etc.
Meanwhile, DD25 and DS26 hung out with AH and drank all day. We went to a BYOB place for dinner, and BOY did we BYOBs!
Tuesday, AH and DS26 hung out and drank
Wednesday, AH and DS26 hung out and drank
Thursday, I was working in NYC and met DD25, who told me what she wanted for her birthday in November--a sober b'day, with the people she loves not drinking.
Friday, DS26 has had it with the drinking, but not AH, who came home looking like hell. As I posted in another post, his face looked like a worn leather saddle. I asked him if he wanted to live or if he wanted to die. He asked, "What do you want me to say." I told him, "I want you to tell me the truth." He said he wants to live. Hmmm... we'll see.
Saturday was a nice day.. we visited our sons-- no drinking.
Sunday he woke up and sheets on his side of the bed were soaked with sweat. He marched in a parade--and felt like he had been through a wringer--carrying bagpipes for two miles and marching two days after you've been drinking for weeks on end... not surprised he felt awful, and he did.
Sunday pm, I had a talk with DS30 who lives 7 hours away and has not had a drink in two months... he talked about the good of it and the challenge of it, but he is glad, and motivated when he hears what has been going on at home for the last week.
Monday, I take off for San Francisco and Atlanta for a week-long business trip. Ahhh... no drama THIS week! But I called home and seems no drinking has taken place. AH and DS32 are home watching the Giants game. Says he's going to read "Under the Influence" again, which is on his nightstand.
Not sure why I feel compelled to share this all, but it helps me to chronicle the reality of it all.
I think the party's over.
They drank it all.
Monday, DS32 had the worst working day of his career because of being totally out of it, late to work, losing his phone, not knowing what was going on, etc. etc.
Meanwhile, DD25 and DS26 hung out with AH and drank all day. We went to a BYOB place for dinner, and BOY did we BYOBs!
Tuesday, AH and DS26 hung out and drank
Wednesday, AH and DS26 hung out and drank
Thursday, I was working in NYC and met DD25, who told me what she wanted for her birthday in November--a sober b'day, with the people she loves not drinking.
Friday, DS26 has had it with the drinking, but not AH, who came home looking like hell. As I posted in another post, his face looked like a worn leather saddle. I asked him if he wanted to live or if he wanted to die. He asked, "What do you want me to say." I told him, "I want you to tell me the truth." He said he wants to live. Hmmm... we'll see.
Saturday was a nice day.. we visited our sons-- no drinking.
Sunday he woke up and sheets on his side of the bed were soaked with sweat. He marched in a parade--and felt like he had been through a wringer--carrying bagpipes for two miles and marching two days after you've been drinking for weeks on end... not surprised he felt awful, and he did.
Sunday pm, I had a talk with DS30 who lives 7 hours away and has not had a drink in two months... he talked about the good of it and the challenge of it, but he is glad, and motivated when he hears what has been going on at home for the last week.
Monday, I take off for San Francisco and Atlanta for a week-long business trip. Ahhh... no drama THIS week! But I called home and seems no drinking has taken place. AH and DS32 are home watching the Giants game. Says he's going to read "Under the Influence" again, which is on his nightstand.
Not sure why I feel compelled to share this all, but it helps me to chronicle the reality of it all.
I think the party's over.
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
Hence the term "Family Disease". I drank plenty for years with my Mom, there was always drinking around me, all my growing up years, so drinking was "normal" to me. In retrospect, that's not so good.
I will NOT be drinking with LMC when she grows up. If she decides to play with fire, that's her business, there's alcoholism all over her family tree.
But my business is to NOT teach her that drinking every day, on every occasion, is "normal".
Alcoholic drinking has already cost her and me plenty, I hope that information is in the forefront of her mind when she has to decide whether to take that first drink. I'm pretty sure she got her first taste of alcohol in the womb, so it could be a very short trip for her.
I hope your daughter gets to have her "non-drinking" celebration, without everyone sitting around looking at their watches. Maybe you and she could take a few day trip, to make sure that happens.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
I will NOT be drinking with LMC when she grows up. If she decides to play with fire, that's her business, there's alcoholism all over her family tree.
But my business is to NOT teach her that drinking every day, on every occasion, is "normal".
Alcoholic drinking has already cost her and me plenty, I hope that information is in the forefront of her mind when she has to decide whether to take that first drink. I'm pretty sure she got her first taste of alcohol in the womb, so it could be a very short trip for her.
I hope your daughter gets to have her "non-drinking" celebration, without everyone sitting around looking at their watches. Maybe you and she could take a few day trip, to make sure that happens.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Sad to say but in my experience, what you describe IS normal in our culture. And I am not talking about just my family. I am talking about the area where I grew up, the people from "back home" who I am still in contact with on FB, and the state where I live. It seems drinking heavily is what everyone does. Those of us who are seeking help from 12-step programs and here on SR are just the tip of the iceberg. Just drive to your local grocery store and count how many liquor stores you pass on the way. Alternatively, if you live in a state where it is legal to sell booze at the grocery store, gas station, or convenience store, you are looking at an even bigger problem. Imagine BEING the one with the alcohol problem, trying to get sober, and having to avoid the beer aisle when you go out for milk and Pampers.
Anyway, I apologize if this seems like a hijack; it's not really. I just want to say SoloMio, you are not alone.
Anyway, I apologize if this seems like a hijack; it's not really. I just want to say SoloMio, you are not alone.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
Thanks, Coyote, and L2L..
Coyote, what you said about learning "normal"--that's exactly how my newly-sober son said it--he said that he's learning "the new normal." It was great to hear. Thankfully, when my husband was sober for 5 years, my kids had a chance to experience normal, so it's not entirely foreign.. now it's a matter of them being like Helen Keller at the end of The Miracle Worker, when she feels the water and all of a sudden can remember the word... I'm hoping the language of sobriety will come back to all the kids eventually.
L2L, it is difficult living in a world where drinking is just what you do. In my state, thank God at least we have to go to liquor stores to buy any alcohol--you can't get even beer or wine in any supermarket or convenience store or gas station. But even aside from the easy access, it's not as easy to socialize if you don't drink. Alcohol is the expected social lubricant at almost every function. I know how difficult it must be for recovering alcoholics to move around society as a non-drinker.
Coyote, what you said about learning "normal"--that's exactly how my newly-sober son said it--he said that he's learning "the new normal." It was great to hear. Thankfully, when my husband was sober for 5 years, my kids had a chance to experience normal, so it's not entirely foreign.. now it's a matter of them being like Helen Keller at the end of The Miracle Worker, when she feels the water and all of a sudden can remember the word... I'm hoping the language of sobriety will come back to all the kids eventually.
L2L, it is difficult living in a world where drinking is just what you do. In my state, thank God at least we have to go to liquor stores to buy any alcohol--you can't get even beer or wine in any supermarket or convenience store or gas station. But even aside from the easy access, it's not as easy to socialize if you don't drink. Alcohol is the expected social lubricant at almost every function. I know how difficult it must be for recovering alcoholics to move around society as a non-drinker.
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