jennander1

My husband of nearly five years is an alcholoic who is in denial. He believes that his drinking does not hurt himslef or anyone else. He says that my problem with his drinking will cause him to end the relationship. We have a four year old daughter, who is amazing. I am also due with our second child, a son, in less than three weeks (although the doctor may want to take him early since there seems to be minor complications due to the baby being to small... the doctor is worried about him being stillborn). I am scared, anxious, and very stressed that I am going to go into labor and my husband will be to intoxicated to drive me or be of any support at all. I discussed my concerns with him this afternoon only to have him say his boss would drive me to the hospital if he had too much to drink at that point... not what I needed to hear. The whole conversation turned to him calling me selfish, that he wished that he had not come home from work today, and that I make him miserable. I am generally a very logical individual but when so many emotions exist between us I am unable to communicate with him effectively. I just needed to vent my fears and frustrations because I hae no other source or outlet to do so now. I know the only way he will be able to drive me to the hospital is if he abstains completely from drinking, but I have not said so because I know that has to be his choice... I have only asked him to refrain from drinking to the point of being unable to drive.

Dee74

Hi jennander

Welcome to SR

I'm sorry you're in that situation.

From your post, and from my own experience as an alcoholic, I think it's highly likely you're not the selfish one here: when I was drinking I would blame anyone and say anything to 'take the heat off' myself.

Have you seen our Friends and Family forums?

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

You'll find a lot of people down there who gone through, or who still are going through, similar situations.

I hope you'll check that forum out as well
D

Hollyanne

Make other arrangements. You would be surprised. I actually would be chuffed if someone asked me to be the one to bring her to the hospital! Having a baby is wonderful and you are a special person. You are very important! You are a mother to a little one AND you have a little one inside you who is alive and coming into this world because of you!!!!!!!!
You mind yourself now. Put husband aside for now. Can you imagine how silly he is going to feel when it kicks in (and it will!!) what he did? I would sooooooo much rather be in your head!!! Blessings to you and your little ones mommy!!

wpainterw

How about a taxi? If he's unable to drive, you can call 911 or an ambulance. So sorry to hear of the situation. Obviously you aren't being selfish. He is. My thoughts and concerns are with you. Every good wish.

W.

least

Welcome to SR. I'm sorry you're going thru this all alone. You are NOT selfish, he's being an alcoholic - blaming everyone else for the problems his drinking brings about. Do'nt fall for those lies. Are you willing to live this life for a long time? What about your kids? Do you really want them to grow up with an active alcoholic? Not a healthy environment for anyone, much less impressionable children. Please make sure you and your kids are safe. And do check out the friends and families link Dee gave. Lots of support and good advice there.

Isaiah

Wow, reading that paints you as about the least selfish person in the world.

Personally, I think the things your husband is telling you is completely, completely illogical. And I'd also encourage you to try the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum. I've never been there, but I know there must be a hundred people who've gone through what you're going through and can offer stellar advice.

LawMama

Wow, you are going through a lot and I don't think you are being selfish at all. If I were you I would definately make alternate arrangements. Also check out the friends and family forum.

jennander1

Thank you all! I will check out that forum for sure! I feel like a bad wife and mother, but I feel like I cannot give up on my family, any part of it (husband included). I do have my pride that is getting in my way, I want my husband to take me to the hospital, or I will just do it myself (especially since we moved a year ago and I have no family or friends outside of the few people from my husband's work).

Isaiah

When you check out that forum be sure to ask about the "3 C"s. They'll know what you mean.

And I know it's hard not to put this on yourself, but let's be objective about this: husbands take their wives to the hospital. You aren't asking for more than you deserve. Getting drunk instead is not a viable excuse, but it's one a person who is sick with alcoholism will make. You yourself are not sick, he is.

LaFemme

Hi and welcome! You are not being selfish in any way, shape or form. I hope your husband comes to his senses soon. You take care of yourself and make whatever arrangements work for you to get to the hospital.

After your baby is born I hope you take a good look at what you need to do for Tue well being of yourself and your children.

Thoughts and prayers headed your way.

Hugs.

2stop

I am so sorry you are going through all this. HE is definitely the selfish one. Addiction makes otherwise wonderful decent people VERY selfish and irrational.

Please do check out the forum others suggested. There are so many wonderful people here that can support/share with you.

******{warmest comforting hugs}}}}

jennander1

I just keep reading and re-reading all of your posts. Thank you. I have never had so much support before.

Isaiah

One of the things that helps people recover, whether it's from alcoholism, drug addiction or being a friend/family member of an addict is helping others. There is a supernova of support here not just because there are a lot of caring individuals, but because we all gain something by extending ourselves to others.

Right now you should be focused on you and your children, I think. You've certainly got the world on your plate right now; we're all totally here for you in any way we can. Should this situation get resolved I think you might find giving back to the community (here or in Al-Anon) will enrich yourself greatly.

We're all praying that all comes out well, and you bring a lovely boy/girl to the world soon.