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Old 10-24-2010, 02:16 PM
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Hi everyone,

I guess I just need some advice on where to go from here.

I started drinking when I was 14. Although it seemed harmless at the time, I look back and think this is where the problem started. I used to drink so much, usually hard alcohol, that I'd be violently sick and I'd wake up in the mornings with a horrible migraine headache. I was so drunk at a party my senior year of high school, that when the police came and breathilized everyone, I asked the cop "Did I win?". Needless to say, I won with a BA of 2.40. I don't think I understood this wasn't normal drinking behavior.

I went to college and started going to frat parties and to the bars with my fake id. Once again I'd drink so much that I continuously embarrassed myself, made very bad decisions, and got kicked out of bars because I couldn't stand. At this point though, I never got sick from alcohol, just the horrible headache in the morning. My drinking has never affected my school work or my career plans, so I think it was hard for me to admit maybe I had a problem.

Now that I have graduated from college, I still find myself doing the same self destructive things. I've realized that although I don't drink every day, I can not have just one drink. One drink leads to another and another and another, etc. I can't be in the same place where people are drinking and not feel uncomfortable or agitated if I am still waiting for a drink. I tried switching to just wine thinking that maybe that would help, but normal people probably don't drink 2 bottles of wine by themselves. I went on a date Saturday night with a really nice guy, and ended up drinking so much that I blacked out and he probably thinks I'm a lunatic and never wants to talk to me again. I am so embarrassed.

Ahh, I just don't know what to do. I started seeing a counselor a few weeks ago thinking that maybe I could just cut down on my drinking, but that doesn't seem to be working. I went to my first AA meeting last night and I think I will try it again. If anyone has any advice, that would be great. I just think its going to be so hard not drinking at the age I am at. I want to stop, I'm tired of waking up in the morning and wanting to dig a hole, climb in, and never get out.
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Old 10-24-2010, 02:24 PM
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Give AA a good try. It was very helpful to me in my early recovery. I also see an addiction counselor and she has been very helpful, not just in staying sober but my life overall.

Admitting you have a problem with drinking is the first step to recovery. I'm glad you found us and joined the family. Welcome to the best recovery site everywhere.
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Old 10-24-2010, 02:38 PM
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Hi,

I know I wasn't able to moderate my drinking, once I had passed a certain point in my "drinking career". Some people get there quicker than others, but once you're there, there's no going back.

Keep hitting those AA meetings, get a sponsor, and start working the Steps. Life can be great on the other side.
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Old 10-24-2010, 02:43 PM
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I also have trouble not drinking at my age. In high school/college you are surrounded by people who can drink for fun and it's so socially acceptable that I didn't even realize I had a problem. Sometimes my drinking was praised because I could drink more than friends.

It's very hard to find people my age who do not drink/do drugs. People who don't have a problem with it just do not understand, and I'm not sure they ever will.

Are you worried about being around your friends that drink? When you go out with your friends is it always at a bar or surrounded around drinking?

Going to AA/counseling is great. I haven't been to AA (yet), but I've heard you just need to keep going...and going. Do you have a sponsor?
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Old 10-24-2010, 03:21 PM
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Hi Lilly,

All my friends go out to the bars and drink every weekend. I honestly don't even know what I am going to do with my free time now. I'm trying to find a job, in addition to school, and I'm just going to try to stay busy with work, school, meetings, and other activities. I've only been to one AA meeting so far, but I'm going to keep going and hopefully find a sponsor. I did some research and there are meetings for young people too, I think I qualify as a young person? (I'm 22).

Next weekend, I'm supposed to go to a Halloween party, but honestly I just don't think there is anyway I can go and not drink. It's funny too because I was the same way. I thought it was "cool" how much I could drink and how I could drink as much/more than my guy friends, even though I'm very small. It probably was not a good thing that I could drink that much.
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Old 10-24-2010, 03:26 PM
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Welcome to SR Namaste,

I hope AA will prove to be helpful to you - I think support from other sober people is pretty much vital - especially if you're a young person.

I know you'll be hearing from other young folk here too - I don't really qualify anymore LOL

keep us posted

D
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Old 10-24-2010, 03:43 PM
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Namaste, Namaste

I think for me I made things more complicated than they really were. It took me a long time to realize that no matter how I tried I just couldn't control the amount that I drank. I think I drove myself a little crazy with failure after failure to "drink normally" again. I feel like I tried everything to do so.

In long hindsight I wish I had just accepted sooner what experience kept teaching me: I could either drink to excess or not drink at all. The kind of drinking I wanted (a few beers or a glass of wine here and there) probably was not really worth the hassle of all the struggles I was going through to get there.

I hope you will find AA helpful. This forum is great, but there's nothing like hearing peoples' experiences face to face.

Good luck to you. If you choose sobriety I promise that in time clarity will come.

-Isa
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Old 10-24-2010, 03:55 PM
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Hi Lilly,

sounds like you are doing the right things to address this - good luck.

I've spent much of my life justifying my drinking to myself - the truth is just one drink always sends me to the same place, sooner or later.

I'm 36 now and have wasted so many opportunities. I wish more than anything that I had stopped drinking when I first arrived in AA at the age of 22.

There is no glamour in a drinking alcoholic.


Much love,

SM
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Old 10-24-2010, 08:07 PM
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Hi Namaste24,

I know what you are talking about with your strong drinking ability. I had that. I could always outdrink any guy in the room. To make matters worse, I never got hangovers -- I think if I had, I would have quit a long time ago (34 now). You are giving yourself an incredible gift by getting out now. Believe me, it does not get any better for people who drink like we do, but it does get a whole lot nastier.

Keep trying AA meetings, as they can be a great resource -- seek out the young people you meet in the rooms, and if there's a young people's meeting, even better. There is an alternative to living the way you were living before, and it's actually better -- even though it sure can be hard to see, especially when you're living in a culture of alcoholism like college or (for me) a tropical island.

You're doing great to check in here as well -- come on and join the "class of October 2010" sobriety thread too, if you like. I am glad you are here! Welcome.
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Old 10-24-2010, 08:17 PM
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Welcome, Namaste - When we start suffering consequences of our drinking and still continue to do it, chances are we have an addiction. After that, it's hard to be satisfied with that occasional "one or two." I don't think I was ever really interested in social drinking anyway.

You've come to the right place and you're not alone. Just keep reading and posting, and focus on not drinking one day at a time.
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Old 10-25-2010, 07:22 AM
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Originally Posted by Namaste24 View Post
All my friends go out to the bars and drink every weekend.
Are these friends? Or acquaintances you party with? Friends...true friends, won't pressure you do go against a decision you've made not to drink. If they do, seek out new people to hang around with. I spent my 20s drinking and drugging. When I decided to quit using drugs, I had to stop seeing the people who were still, "in the life" and go my own way. From that crowd of friends, only a few (2 or 3) remained true friends.

Good luck.
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Old 10-25-2010, 11:08 AM
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Namaste,

From one young person to another, I shared your concerns when I first got sober. I'm a student at a party college with college football tailgates, frat parties, drunken escapades, and Saturdays where most people don't wake up until 11AM. And these things are accepted as part of the culture. When I first decided to get sober, my largest fears were: how am I going to remain sober being part of this environment? And how will I meet people, because everyone I knew was a heavy drinker or budding alcoholic.

Ironically, they were also the first fears to really go away. The truth is, no one cares if I drink or not. They're more concerned with getting drunk. Plus, I'm better sober--more fun, more talkative, just an all around better person. I don't do crazy things. Emotionally, I'm cool. So as long as I'm having a good time and don't make a big deal about my sobriety, no one really cares. The ones that care are problem drinkers and alcoholics, and I don't associate with them anymore. Not out of spite; it's just boring to hang around people who get drunk all the time. Fun for them; not for me.

The free time I filled quickly. I always had a list of things I wanted to do, but getting drunk was more important. All that free time and all that money I used to spend on alcohol (and cigarettes and late night McDonald's runs ) went to new hobbies and new experiences. When I initially quit, I looked at all that as a huge challenge, but it turned out to be a great opportunity. Sobriety is what you make of it.

There's a lot of great advice here about support programs and getting help. Being part of SR and AA helped me meet people like me who struggle with the same things I do. Most people don't understand alcoholism or addiction, so this was crucial for my recovery. I wasn't alone in the struggle anymore.

Glad you're here Feel free to PM me. Our age group is in a funny position sometimes.

Welcome to SR.
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