LucyA

Have I really been here so long?

Well, Joe and I and the other lads are doing great. We're all really close and get on like a house on fire most of the time.

My eldest, Dan, has just turned sixteen last week, he has a girlfriend now and she seems pretty sweet, I'm sure she won't be the last though! He's a cool kid, he manages to get all his school work done, help me and still have a good social life of his own.

James, my own youngest is just the oposite, but I love him to bits anyway! He's so lazy and un organised, but loves everyone and is fiercely protective of Joe! He's busy doing a school course in construction, woodwork and building and stuff, he loves it. He's good at practical things but not very academic.

Joe, well, what can I say about Joe? lol, he's come on in leaps and bounds recently. School wise he's shining in languages, French in particular. And Maths.
He keeps getting ill though, nothing that keeps him off school, but he's constantly plagued by feeling sick and headaches. I did some investigating and found that his other Aunt is phoning him before school every day, and texting him, and telling him to tell me he wants to go see her and to let her know and she'll ring me.
No wonder the kid feels ill!
She does a lot of stuff. She uses him to get at me.

I went to see my solicitor last week to see how I can sort this out, she just will not leave him alone, or me alone to parent him! She's never allowed him to settle here properly, because she insists on telling him that his mum wanted him to live with her whne she died. (Yes she did, it's in her will in black and white, but Other Aunt never did a thing about it)

So, anyway, solicitor said stop the contact for a while, try to force her to take me to court for a contact order, solicitor has sent a letter to the Aunt.(They keep harassing me too, phoning to ask if Joe can go when the arrangement is supposed to be I ring them when Joe does want to go) Aunt phoned me every half hour for five hours the other weekend! I didn't answer, was on my mobile for the first two calls, but after that I just let it ring anyway!

So, I've stopped the contact, spoken to Joe honestly about why it's stopped and got an agreement from him to let me know if she asks him to do anything about going to hers or meeting up with her. He showed me his texts today and she's texted him every day of the last week, saying things like I hope were allowed to see you soon, let me know when you're out and I'll phone you.

I think he's relieved that I've taken this action, he seems happier in himself recently and he's been helping me around the house today, which NEVER happens lol

I just explained to him that I wasn't trying to be his mum or dad but that I have to act like I am and protect him as if I was. He's asked me to take him to the doctor about him feeling sick and having headaches, so I'm trying for an appointment next week, hopefully we'll get stress on his records just in case they're needed in court!

Oh, thanks for reading so far if you got to here! On the whole were doing great, I miss my bro and Joe misses his dad, but were all doing Ok and learning how to deal with it all. We still haven't got the probate stuff sorted but thats a whole new thread lol, my cousin was our solicitor for that, but for some reason his partner has dissolved the partnership and theres high court proceedings going on, my mother asked my cousin to deal with our stuff and I don't much care for him other than what he was doing so I guess that's that (he's never allowed his mother to see his two children for the last year, for absolutely no other reason than his wife doesn't like the fact that his mum has a boyfriend)

Still Waters

I sure hope lowering his stress helps with the sick feelings and headaches Lucy. Why are people such poopheads? Sigh.

Glad to hear the good and the normal and about the kids, thanks

LucyA

I've wondered for a while what 'normal' is Stiil Waters, and I've decided it's whatever keeps us all happy. Joe has a different 'normal' to my two boys, but he's learning our 'normal' and i think ours is healthier.

Still Waters

I think of "normal" as healthy. Normal every day life stuff is healthy.

I think. lol

peaceteach

Congrats on creating a "new normal" for Joe and yourself, Lucy. I've heard this term coined a lot in the past and I like it. I also agree with you, that normal is when we are happy!

It's very difficult to move forward when life throws us such a curve, but perserverance and letting out your mama she-bear sounds like what Joe, and you, need to keep that new normal developing in a healthy, forward way. You are also teaching Joe that it is okay to say "No" to something that is causing him anquish, i.e., to NOT grow up being too codependent. Be sure to recognize that he could easily be pushed around by this woman into adulthood if he doesn't give himself the permission to say "No" when he's uncomfortable.

I predict that his illness gets better with less contact. That has been MY experience in minimal to no-contact situations. When contact is made, I find myself completely ill for a second/minute/hour/day before I regain my footing! And I'm a grown-up.

Thanks for helping this boy to have as "new normal" of a life as possible, Lucy. And I hope you are able to find some grownup fun for yourself these days, also Peace!