HealingWillCome

Yesterday my daughter ran in the state cross country meet in the town where my AF lives. For weeks, I struggled with whether or not to call him and invite him to the meet. He embarrasses me. In his mind he is funny and charming, and to most others he is...I just don't see him that way. At all. So I didn't want him around my friends, the parents of kids on the cross country team. I've lived here for over 20 years, and most people have no idea my father exists. I like it that way.

Last week, I decided to ask my daughter if she would like to have her grandpa there and she said yes. So I called him on the drive there. He said he would be there.

There were well over 1000 people there, stretched across the golf course where the meet was held, and he doesn't carry a cell phone, so I didn't see him until after my daughter's race. After I found him, we finally found my daughter, and I was surprised and happy with the interaction that took place between them.

I was shocked that she gave him a big hug, becasue she is not an outwardly affectionate girl. He told her that he had spotted her at the starting line (hard to do because there were 168 girls in her race) but he had looked for her number, and then made his way around the course during the race to cheer for her. He told her that she ran by him four different times and that he yelled her name and encouraged her each time. I was shocked when she said, with a smile, "I know. I saw you and I heard you. Thanks for coming." It genuinely made her happy that he had been there. It thrilled him because he hardly knows my girls. That has been his choice over the years.

All the ugly stuff that my AF did to my mom and sisters and I is hard stuff to let go of. He has made some important changes in his life, although he still drinks and has his womanizing characteristics. He is trying, and I give him credit for that. I realized yesterday that I will probably never respect him, but if there is a chance for my daughters to have some positive encouragement from their grandpa, then it's not my right to deny them that opportunity. As they get older, I will be able to talk to them about who their grandpa is and it will be an opportunity to share with them what I've learned about addictions and codependency.

Yesterday, I was just happy to see the interaction between my 14-year old and her grandpa.

acdirito

Dear HealingWillCome,
Thank you for sharing with us your "feel better" experience between your daughter and your AF. So often we forget to count our blessings. It is so easy to get caught up in the storm clouds of our daily lives that we forget to look for the sunny sky. It may be easy to look around our world today and see the appearance of chaos, difficulty and strife. Yet, when we come from an open heart, we can also see our opportunity to love all things into balance, joy, harmony and peace. We need more visions of love to heal and restore the beauty contained in every moment. With love we begin the journey of restoring wholeness and happiness to our lifes. Of course, it takes determined effort on our part as the old ways of being are quick to return in our mind. However, this effort to love is rewarded with a new perspective on everything and all life benefits as a result.

HealingWillCome

Thanks acdirito. That was beautifully said.

Thumper

Thank you for you post. I can't even say why but it really touched me. You have a beautiful soul.

HealingWillCome

Thank you, Thumper. That was a very kind thing to say. I'm sort of at a loss for words...except to say thanks.