How much is a lie worth?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
How much is a lie worth?
Does getting drunk cause you to lie to yourself? How bout your friends, family, those you hold near and dear?
When I think back over some of the whoppers I've told over the years, it sickens me now.
It's a little after 1am here, and I had a whole chain of thought I was going to post about concerning this issue, but it's so depressing that I've decided to go to bed and maybe deal with it tomorrow.
Just bums me out how foolish I've been and the worst lies are the ones I tell myself.
All because I wanted to have another drink, and that's really sad stuff.
When I think back over some of the whoppers I've told over the years, it sickens me now.
It's a little after 1am here, and I had a whole chain of thought I was going to post about concerning this issue, but it's so depressing that I've decided to go to bed and maybe deal with it tomorrow.
Just bums me out how foolish I've been and the worst lies are the ones I tell myself.
All because I wanted to have another drink, and that's really sad stuff.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
FS, I found I wasn't even me when I drank. I couldn't even remember most of what I said during those years. I lied to myself every day that I drank. That I could handle it, that I could stop, that tomorrow would be different.
I also found that drinking twisted my thinking and I was not processing info like as I should. I became quite paranoid, blamed others, basically lived in a dark place that only fueled my drinking.
In recovery....I am healing and I am getting stronger each day. I can't erase my past but as I move forward I am learning to accept more and more of my past actions and now an grateful for each day I have in sobriety.
Early recovery brought about a lot of emotions and it was a confusing time for me. The blinders were off and I could see clearly.
Thx for sharing
I also found that drinking twisted my thinking and I was not processing info like as I should. I became quite paranoid, blamed others, basically lived in a dark place that only fueled my drinking.
In recovery....I am healing and I am getting stronger each day. I can't erase my past but as I move forward I am learning to accept more and more of my past actions and now an grateful for each day I have in sobriety.
Early recovery brought about a lot of emotions and it was a confusing time for me. The blinders were off and I could see clearly.
Thx for sharing
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Yeah me too - and while a lot of them were to do with drinking they were mostly for no reason.
I find old me a bit bizarre
Yesterdays a cancelled check tho, Dallas - today's where it's at, my friend
Sleep well - you're doin' great
D
I find old me a bit bizarre
Yesterdays a cancelled check tho, Dallas - today's where it's at, my friend
Sleep well - you're doin' great
D
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
I'm sorry you're feeling blue about that 
I know it's easier said than done to say "Ah, don't beat yourself up about the past"...but really... what's done is done and no good can come of placing your energy there. Every single day we have the chance to reinvent ourselves and you ARE doing just that and you really are doing such a good job. It's important for us to examine our past so that we can learn from the mistakes, but that's where it ends -- there is no benefit to attach a bunch of negative emotion to it. When I get in that spot I try to detach and look at the 'error' from a different vantage point. I literally try look at it through God's eyes...or the eyes of a parent to a child (make sense?). If you caught your young son in a terrible lie you would simply try to teach him a lesson about it and continue loving him as you always have. That love would not change in any way, except maybe to grow stronger. We are HUMAN and we make terrible mistakes, but that doesn't mean we are "bad"!
A young woman shared this in a meeting the other day and I thought it was such a great idea -- maybe you could do the same.... Her therapist told her to carry around a photograph of herself taken as a young girl and when she was feeling like beating herself up she was to take out the photo and love and nurture that child. She said it was am amazing help to her. I thought that was awesome.
((((Hugs))))
I know it's easier said than done to say "Ah, don't beat yourself up about the past"...but really... what's done is done and no good can come of placing your energy there. Every single day we have the chance to reinvent ourselves and you ARE doing just that and you really are doing such a good job. It's important for us to examine our past so that we can learn from the mistakes, but that's where it ends -- there is no benefit to attach a bunch of negative emotion to it. When I get in that spot I try to detach and look at the 'error' from a different vantage point. I literally try look at it through God's eyes...or the eyes of a parent to a child (make sense?). If you caught your young son in a terrible lie you would simply try to teach him a lesson about it and continue loving him as you always have. That love would not change in any way, except maybe to grow stronger. We are HUMAN and we make terrible mistakes, but that doesn't mean we are "bad"! A young woman shared this in a meeting the other day and I thought it was such a great idea -- maybe you could do the same.... Her therapist told her to carry around a photograph of herself taken as a young girl and when she was feeling like beating herself up she was to take out the photo and love and nurture that child. She said it was am amazing help to her. I thought that was awesome.
((((Hugs))))
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Yes, I lied a lot.
For me, the lies began as a small child who was trying to survive. They were usually small lies, but they became second nature, and even when I moved out of my home, the lies continued. And when I began drinking, the lying was a daily thing. So, living life and being honest was clearly something that I needed to do.
For me, the lies began as a small child who was trying to survive. They were usually small lies, but they became second nature, and even when I moved out of my home, the lies continued. And when I began drinking, the lying was a daily thing. So, living life and being honest was clearly something that I needed to do.
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
My addiction needed lies.
"Are you drinking?" "No." (If I tell the truth you'll take my booze away.)
"Where were you last night?" "My phone battery died." (I broke our plans to get drunk but I don't want you to leave my life.)
"I'm just going to buy the fifth because it's cheaper, but only drink a part of it." (I can't believe I can't stop myself from drinking entire fifths.)
I think even some of the smaller lies that weren't about drinking were just letting me feel like I was somehow controlling reality through my beliefs.
"Are you drinking?" "No." (If I tell the truth you'll take my booze away.)
"Where were you last night?" "My phone battery died." (I broke our plans to get drunk but I don't want you to leave my life.)
"I'm just going to buy the fifth because it's cheaper, but only drink a part of it." (I can't believe I can't stop myself from drinking entire fifths.)
I think even some of the smaller lies that weren't about drinking were just letting me feel like I was somehow controlling reality through my beliefs.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by firestorm090 
Just bums me out how foolish I've been and the worst lies are the ones I tell myself.
Change foolish we've been to sick we've been and I'll agree 100% with that statement.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
I think I agree with the approach in your post, that is, not to try to spell it ALL out in one shot and let tomorrow come.
When it comes to the lying, I guess getting drunk allowed us not to deal with things and say we did. For example, if you had things you did (lies, for example) on your mind during your drinking, the drinking state would probably give you the illusion that you had forgiven yourself. Or forgiven others for things you resented for that matter. For me, that is one of the conveniences that alcohol had. I had my strengths and worthwhile attributes while drinking too (I was thought to be compassionate, for example); but the alcohol made it so that I didn't have to station myself inside specific realities of my personality or character for too long. So that eventually I couldn't take the drinking anymore, because there were too many emotions "on loan." I was handling life virtually instead of really. I guess you could draw a lot of parallels with the economy with what goes on in an alcoholic's mind, ha ha.
As you go through the process of addressing your guilt or what-have-you, just do some at a time, expecting that it will hit hard sometimes and other times it will be easier. What I like to tell people is to give yourself credit for things along the way, because it doesn't do any good to make it all about punishing yourself, because there is too proximity to "still drinking" in that to me.
When it comes to the lying, I guess getting drunk allowed us not to deal with things and say we did. For example, if you had things you did (lies, for example) on your mind during your drinking, the drinking state would probably give you the illusion that you had forgiven yourself. Or forgiven others for things you resented for that matter. For me, that is one of the conveniences that alcohol had. I had my strengths and worthwhile attributes while drinking too (I was thought to be compassionate, for example); but the alcohol made it so that I didn't have to station myself inside specific realities of my personality or character for too long. So that eventually I couldn't take the drinking anymore, because there were too many emotions "on loan." I was handling life virtually instead of really. I guess you could draw a lot of parallels with the economy with what goes on in an alcoholic's mind, ha ha.
As you go through the process of addressing your guilt or what-have-you, just do some at a time, expecting that it will hit hard sometimes and other times it will be easier. What I like to tell people is to give yourself credit for things along the way, because it doesn't do any good to make it all about punishing yourself, because there is too proximity to "still drinking" in that to me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
The biggest lie is the illusion that i can drink with success.
Plenty believe it, till the game is over and families are shattered.
looking back i see it..............and remain stunned at the how deep that fatal illusion runs.
i believed it to almost the end........geeez.. just one... what harm can it do..
Plenty believe it, till the game is over and families are shattered.
looking back i see it..............and remain stunned at the how deep that fatal illusion runs.
i believed it to almost the end........geeez.. just one... what harm can it do..
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: london
Posts: 24
Hi Mate, my views are on positivity, when we look at our madness in the past its so full of crap is it any wonder we were liars?
Today just do yr best, there is a saying "look before you leap" in other words THINK before you open yr mouth and the right words will come if you are on the right track in Recovery? Get up in the morning and just say to yourself "Today i will be a better person" and try to focus on that and at the end be thankful for trying yr best, life isnt the easiest at times but yr head can make it more painful and lies will escalate it big time....you have a choice lie and be miserable.........or be honest and face life full on with your head held high? and trust me the second is far more rewarding....Keith
Today just do yr best, there is a saying "look before you leap" in other words THINK before you open yr mouth and the right words will come if you are on the right track in Recovery? Get up in the morning and just say to yourself "Today i will be a better person" and try to focus on that and at the end be thankful for trying yr best, life isnt the easiest at times but yr head can make it more painful and lies will escalate it big time....you have a choice lie and be miserable.........or be honest and face life full on with your head held high? and trust me the second is far more rewarding....Keith
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