Update for he is now missing

Old 10-22-2010, 07:34 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Fort Saskatchewan, AB
Posts: 10
Angry Update for he is now missing

Thank you all for your comments everything that I have been reading on here has helped me to find my inner bitch which I have some how lost.

He came home last night and of course he was out using all night. He did pawn some more of our stuff tools and stuff from our business which is no more because of his addiction. I really didn't want to let him back in the house but I did. I was sooooo mad it was only the second time that I really got mad at him. I told him that I will not put up with this anymore if he dose it again do not come home you are not welcome here anymore. I said that is your choice eiather you want to be here with us or you don't it is your choice you have to make it. I told him he has the tools that he learned in rehab that he can use that he has not even tried since he got out. I told him that I don't trust him to go anywhere by himself. He had a job interview today and I drove him. His response to that was I don't expect you to trust me because I don't trust myself.
Today was ok he went to the interview and got the job then we came home and took my 8 year old to hockey. ( I have two kids one with him that is 3 months and my 8 year old from a previous relationship) then we tried to go to a NA meeting in the town closest to us and there was no meeting even thought I check the website before we left. That just really pissed him off because he tried and then it didn't work out. After that he told me that he had pawned off his wedding ring to get more drugs. He said that he had been trying to tell me since last night but he couldn't and it was making him sick to his stomach. I got so mad I couldn't even look at him. Then he had the nerve to tell me that it was only a ring material and the same with getting married in the first place that the only reason he married me was because I wanted to get married. WHAT ????? this is all news to me. I don't get it he says the only thing that matters to him is me and the kids he doesn't care about what stuff we have or what people think. Well you know what that ring meant something to ME. and he doesn't even care. I feel like my whole world is crumbling and I am powerless to stop it. He wants to be here with us but he knows that something like him pawning his ring would upset then doesn't that just go to show how little our relationship means to him. Am I wrong in thinking like this you all have helped me so much I need advice one more time. I can't say anything to him because he gets so mad. He didn't even say sorry he just said that he would get it back. what do I do now I feel so little
outlander is offline  
Old 10-22-2010, 07:39 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
(((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))

You might want to check out a book called "Getting Them Sober"
You can find excerpts on the web.

It's isn't going to work for long with you being his babysitter.
He will get nasty about that and use it as an excuse to use.

I know that isn't comforting or what you want to hear, and I am sorry that is what I feel like I must tell you, I wish you weren't in this situation getting your heart broke.

Let me think for a couple of minutes, k?
I'll check back.

Have you read the sticky posts at the top of this forum?
Live is offline  
Old 10-22-2010, 07:43 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Fort Saskatchewan, AB
Posts: 10
thank you I did I read the what an addict thinks and it scared the **** out of me to be completely honest. Thank you for the support I know in my heart where I think this relationship is going I am just not ready to give up yet. I never thought of myself as a strong person but man am I proving to myself how strong I am or how utterly stupid I can't tell which. LOL
outlander is offline  
Old 10-22-2010, 07:53 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
It's not an easy leap to make!
But one of the best things I ever did for myself!

I'm afraid there aren't many people on this forum tonight...and the weekends are a bit slow...

but you will meet many here and get alot of support.
Live is offline  
Old 10-22-2010, 08:09 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
said gently...just because he is not beating up on you doesn't mean this doesn't hurt.

Please read about verbal emotional abuse in the stickies.

If you can't talk to him because he will get mad...that tells me things.
Live is offline  
Old 10-22-2010, 08:31 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: saint petersburg, fl
Posts: 119
dear, do not accept this behavior.
get him out, and give you and your kids the time to find peace again. do it for you, and for them.
you all deserve it. addicts defy all logic, there is no way to understand their behaviors or what they say. all they care about is their high. it is not personal, it is not an attack on you. it's just the nature of the beast.
get that beast out of your house!
Lizzaayy is offline  
Old 10-23-2010, 09:31 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
PacNorwesterner's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Left Coast
Posts: 161
Just sending hugs.
PacNorwesterner is offline  
Old 10-23-2010, 09:48 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
He is an addict. He will lie to you, hurt you, continue to steal and pawn until there is nothing left. Then he will steal from you, your kids, anything he can. Addiction is progressive & if you continue to stay in it he will mow you down.

When the pain of staying with him outweighs the pain of leaving him you will make your choice. Noone can make that decision except you.

I feel your pain, I have lived it. Please protect yourself and your children.

Hugs,
Teggie
Teggie is offline  
Old 10-23-2010, 12:46 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
ItsmeAlice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
My heart is with you, friend. You are going through some very rough times right now that are not of your doing.

You can get control of the situation with a change of perspective.

You can't control him. You cannot change the choices he is making. You cannot stop the boulder that is currently hauling down the mountainside, but you can control what you do in the face of this. You can move yourself out of its direct path.

I am not saying you have to go right out and file for divorce and I am not saying your relationship will never survive this. Not at all. What I am saying is that for now, for the moment, until that boulder hits the bottom, you need to step aside and let it get on its way. The sooner you do, the sooner some real change for the positive can happen.

He wants to use, he wants to scavenge what he can from his life with you to get his drug of choice, and he wants to say whatever he has to to make this your fault to avoid blaming himself. If it's not you, it will be the next person he sees once you've left the room. It does not matter to him. At this moment, you do not matter to him.

When I was in the path of my XABF's cataclysmic downward spiral I had to get to work on some healthy detachment skills. I had to work on letting him take the consequences of his actions and deal with his own obligations. I had to get busy making myself safe financially, emotionally, and physically until his spiral came to its end. By getting out of his way I made myself healthy and gave him a direct path to the bottom where he could finally reach for help. I had to keep faith that if we were meant to meet again, both of us healthy, we would.

Recovery is a lifelong endeavor. Seeing change in a month is just possible. Think of it in terms of years not days. You both need solid recovery work for an extended period to say if your relationship can survive. Don't lose hope, it can survive, but it will be vastly different from where you once were.

Changing your perspective can change your life.

Keep posting!! You are so right, you are so very much stronger than you can ever know!!

Alice
ItsmeAlice is offline  
Old 10-23-2010, 04:21 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Fort Saskatchewan, AB
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by ItsmeAlice View Post
My heart is with you, friend. You are going through some very rough times right now that are not of your doing.

You can get control of the situation with a change of perspective.

You can't control him. You cannot change the choices he is making. You cannot stop the boulder that is currently hauling down the mountainside, but you can control what you do in the face of this. You can move yourself out of its direct path.

I am not saying you have to go right out and file for divorce and I am not saying your relationship will never survive this. Not at all. What I am saying is that for now, for the moment, until that boulder hits the bottom, you need to step aside and let it get on its way. The sooner you do, the sooner some real change for the positive can happen.

He wants to use, he wants to scavenge what he can from his life with you to get his drug of choice, and he wants to say whatever he has to to make this your fault to avoid blaming himself. If it's not you, it will be the next person he sees once you've left the room. It does not matter to him. At this moment, you do not matter to him.

When I was in the path of my XABF's cataclysmic downward spiral I had to get to work on some healthy detachment skills. I had to work on letting him take the consequences of his actions and deal with his own obligations. I had to get busy making myself safe financially, emotionally, and physically until his spiral came to its end. By getting out of his way I made myself healthy and gave him a direct path to the bottom where he could finally reach for help. I had to keep faith that if we were meant to meet again, both of us healthy, we would.

Recovery is a lifelong endeavor. Seeing change in a month is just possible. Think of it in terms of years not days. You both need solid recovery work for an extended period to say if your relationship can survive. Don't lose hope, it can survive, but it will be vastly different from where you once were.

Changing your perspective can change your life.

Keep posting!! You are so right, you are so very much stronger than you can ever know!!

Alice
Thank you for that suggestion in makes sense I also really like your end quote The fact that you give really good advice you just seldom listen to your self that is how I feel I really liked that Thank you
outlander is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:17 AM.