Floss

Hello to everyone on SR. I don't post that often because I usually don't feel confident to find the right words to say to others and I find it hard to write about my situation/feelings. What I do want to say is I'm so thankful for this site. I come here and read often. This has helped me to deal with my own denial about the A's in my life. I lived in a fantasy world of illusions where I was forever hopeful and praying that I could have the happy, secure family I never had growing up. Instead the abuse and chaos of my childhood has continued into adulthood.

Finally, with SR, Getting Them Sober site, Al-Anon and AA meetings,(I find AA very helpful because it's 'in-your-face'), I've started to progress rom 'intellectualising' the whole alcoholic dilemma to finally starting to face it and feel it, and now I truly believe I'm starting to let go and detach from my XADFH and the other A's in my life, (past and present).

Thanks again....By the way, I think it's been a full moon? In any case, the A's in my life have been out of control this last week! Has anyone else found that?

Jadmack25

I have always noticed that A's and some others in my life at various times, all have had one thing in common. Come full moon, they play up something shocking and go right of the rails. I used to dread full moon times, but now I am out of range I rather enjoy looking at a full moon.

At least now-a-days it is only the moon that is "full", and not my RABF.

Floss

At least now-a-days it is only the moon that is "full", and not my RABF.

That's funny Jadmack.

Yep, they seem to all come out and play during the full moon! My XADFH has been on a bender since Monday and lost his job yesterday in the process. I saw my other Narcissistic XAH last night, off his face on speed and alcohol at the pub where I was playing designated driver for a hens night. I can't believe I used to love that abusive thing! What was I thinking? He looked hideous, puffed up, and was dancing and carrying on around the young girls (he's almost 50) like he's some sort of catch. He made me want to spew! At least I've seen the light now, (about him at least) ha ha.

naive

hi floss-

you bring up an intersting point about the difference between intellectualising versus feeling.

my therapist sits and listens to me spew out facts about alcoholism and how mine fits the bill....and then she'll say "yes, naive, you have all the data correct but how does it make you feel? try to tell me how you felt when that happened"

it's hard for me to do that sometimes, as i've armed myself with all the facts and statistics and trends and it is much more comfortable for me to intellectualise and detach from my emotions by trying to look at the situation objectively, like a scientist.

but to feel into it, to experience the emotions, to remember how little naive felt growing up and then to have it happening again as an adult...

i think this is the real way of healing the damage done and to ultimately break the cycle.

Jadmack25

Naive, like you I dissected the subject of alcoholism as if I were in a science class, and had all the info I learned during my Psychology studies. As long as the problem was someone else's then I could be as subjective, detached and professional as any other practicing P......but, out of the office, into my personal life, and all I knew went AWOL.

I felt the emotional pain and knew where all the scars were....come certain times or situations and I knew what was coming, but could not get out of the way of it heading my way.

Eventually between SR folks, reading my own journals and hearing tapes I made, I merged my emotions and learning into understanding, with understanding finally leading to seeing the way out....and I went thru that opening like a scalded cat.

Broke that cycle for myself, and inadvertantly it also broke the cycle for RABF too, tho trust me, that was not even a second thought at the time. All I thought of was me.

Floss

Naive and Jadmack, I totally relate to what you're saying! I have been so good at rattling off the facts, incidents and abuse ("like a shopping list" one of my counsellors said) so I didn't have to feel the pain. Going through the opening like a 'scalded cat', wow, that's a great way to describe it Jadmack. Yes Naive, remembering how it felt as a child and then having it happen as an adult...that's painful stuff and probably what I've been trying to avoid. But now that I'm starting to feel it, I'm okay with it although right now I feel quite angry and cynical and untrusting. And I'm accepting that's where I am for now and that 'this too shall pass'. Thanks for your replies.

Learn2Live

Yup. Throughout history people have noticed that people tend to go crazy when there is a full moon. Here's something from the online etymology dictionary:

lunatic (adj.)
late 13c., "affected with periodic insanity, dependent on the changes of the moon," from O.Fr. lunatique "insane," from L. lunaticus "moon-struck," from luna "moon"

Floss

Thanks Learn2Live. I think I also have periodic insanity! Lol...

Learn2Live

Me too. Probably we all do.