Hadassah

I am sooooo sick of exah. He wants to come this weekend for the rest of the stuff he got in the divorce. I am not available this, or next weekend. I know that he thinks I am being difficult. I just don't care.
He also wants to make several trips. I told him to rent a U-Haul and make it in one trip. I don't want to have to be here everytime he want's to show up. He is making me crazy. He thinks that our divorce decree says that since he has 30 days to get his stuff, that he can come over anytime in that period to get it. Not that he has ONE day in 30 to get all of it.
Everytime he emails me it is with this very abusive, mean attitude. He thinks that I am going to do everything he wants. He has got another thing coming. I am so upset, I am shaking. Will the abuse never end? Everytime he contacts me, he is just nasty.
H

Pelican

Hopefully this will end soon.

Is there a place to leave his stuff: garage, with a neighbor, friend - that he could access without your being home?

Hang in there!

Learn2Live

I am sorry you are going thru this Hadassah. You are right, it would be better if he would just get a big truck and get it all out of there at once. What a hassle! Try to ignore that mean attitude of his. I am no expert but I have personally witnessed this situation with male friends who have gone thru divorce, and been told of other situations from friends, that reflect men having a lot of frustration and anger that they do not know how to deal with. So often they are just very mean and say really mean and nasty things. (Disclaimer: I am in NO WAY saying women don't also have anger at divorce). I think the best thing you can do is try not to be hurt by this, and just write down EXACTLY how you would like this to be handled. Be specific. Write down the date or dates when you will make the house available for him to come get his stuff, including the times of day. Then, run it by a friend to see if it sounds reasonable, and then write it in a letter and send it Certified Mail. Be as reasonable as possible without being a doormat. By doing it this way, he cannot then come back and say you are in Contempt of the court's Order that was issued from the divorce agreement. It's important to show that you are making a good faith effort to do what you agreed to do. If there are dates he wanted to come, go ahead and write in the letter that you already made plans for those days and offer those days you can make available.

OK, hope this helps. Don't forget to keep a copy of the letter if and when you send it.

dollydo

Too much drama...I'd give a choice of two dates, one load pickup and get it over with. Dragging it on serves no purpose.

Carol Star

Put it outside under a tarp?...storage shed? know somebody with a garage?

hadenoughnow

My exah tried to pull this crap on me too. First he rented a place then refused to move for weeks. Then he moved the furniture he was getting out to his new place but would not sleep there. The day he had a bed at his new place I packed up all his clothes etc and told him "take all of it today or it is going outside, do not come back you are not sleeping here one more night".

I wanted to change the locks but my attorney advised me not too. A week later he took my snowblower out of the garage (I never got it back).

I changed the locks.

AaronK

Rent a POD. Get a group of your friends together, load it and schedule the company to have it delivered to his place. Split the cost. Even if he doesn't it will be worth the extra bit to be done with it.

Hadassah

Thanks everyone for you kind words and advice. He sent me a relpy saying that he didn't have money falling out of his **S. Nice. What a jerk. Then he went on to berate me and tell me that I ruined his life, and that he never should have married me, that its all my fault, and on and on. I feel very verbally abused, and I am going to contact my lawyer. I don't have to put up with this kind of abuse, or any abuse. I am thinking of having a restraining order put out on him. I am so sick of him, I could scream.

HoopNinja

Hadassah (like your name by the way) my xah did (and unfortunately does) the same thing. Since we have kids I have had to try to find a way to basically put up my "here comes his hatred" forcefield so it bounces off me. He just needs to be mad so he is taking it out on you. If you can, let it bounce off and ignore him. My ex wanted me to call my lawyer when he pulled this cr** because then I would have to pay money.

If he gets no reaction he may stop. If he does not stop-as hard as it is, ignore him and don't give him the satisfaction of (and yes I get to quote my sister again--stealing your joy!). Don't let him do it. Misery loves company-let him go find it someone else to join him. Remember who Hadassah was That woman had a spine of steel. So do you.

About the POD-good idea but you have to be careful because if you sign the contract you will be responsible for paying for it and you don't want to get stuck paying for it. He could let that thing sit in storage for a long time-again, just to make you angry because you are paying for it.

I think L2L's suggestion is a good one. It shows a good faith effort on your part to allow him to come get his stuff. Provide as many dates and times as possible so he cannot say none of them would work. If possible, arrange it so (1) you are not there but someone else is so he cannot spew his venom at you or (2) if you are there-assuring he only takes what he is supposed to--make sure you have backup and don't engage in anything if he starts ranting. It is probably what he is looking for. My ex tried to start a fight with 2 of the people with me. He was angry and wanted to drag someone else into his anger. Stay away from his anger. It will do you no good and it is making you feel rotten.

Remember--don't let him steal your joy!

dancingnow

Thanks for this. It is so true. Thinking about not letting my AH steal my joy will make it a lot easier when he pops in here to pick up his son and barely acknowledges me or worse tries to make conversation with me completely ignoring any requests I made to him for something that needed to be done. If I dare ask about anything the storm ensues and I am not going there anymore.

Hadassah

As of this afternoon I have gone NC. I told my lawyer that I would only speak to his lawyer about this subject. I try very hard not to keep any drama going. He keeps at it enough for a dozen people.
I guess we will see next week what the verdict is about the interpetation of the pick up order. I'll let ya'll know.
Thanks again , its so nice to have some feedback. I don't have anyone to talk to about all this. I get a little nuts. H ( with the spine of steel :P)

Live

you go, bionic woman!

wow1323

Ok. First take a breath. You divorced this guy; your ALMOST done.
If you have a lawyer have him send a certified letter with a date you both agree on to come get his stuff. This is a one day only job. If his letters are abusive I would save them for evidence in case things get weird. I would also have someone with you when he does make one last appearence. Try to focus on the freedom from him. It is right around the corner. Good luck

Still Waters

On the other side of this, if I were to have a deadline to get my belongings from my STBXAH's home I wouldn't be able to do it. I don't have the money or the means. Period.

Of course, he made very sure I didn't have the money or the means, but I'm also sure he doesn't see it that way.

coyote21

So I had to look this up. Funny, I always just thought it meant Had-a$$-alcoholic husband.

There's a whole other meaning, go figure.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

acdirito

Dear Hadassah, alias "Myrtle tree,"
After looking up the origin of your name, I know you know how to take care of yourself.
I am glad that you got your lawyer involved in this situation. I was going to suggest you get your local constable involved. As I am sure you know, this period of time can lead to domestic violence. As has happened on numerous times in the city I live in. I don't understand why your lawyer would recommend you not to change the locks on your doors. Do whatever you have to in order to be safe.



Remember nothing is going to happen today that you and God can't handle.
The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you!