crazybabie

I was here years ago because I had a AS, I read alot and learned alot at least I thought I did. My AS has been in and out of jail so many times, since then that I can not even begin to count how much.

I have another son who was in our local Sheriffs cadet program and was the youngest they had ever allowed through the local reserve program. I was shocked when he took an overdose in January 09, he actually died on my couch and I had to do CPR. His father said at the hospital he could not understand how anyone could do that.

Thankfully my son did survive. My husband told me last November he didn't want to be married any more soI moved out he offered no reason. I am disabled and have limited income but I found an affordable place and moved in it.

Come to find out my husband was addicted to pain pills and xanax. So now Ihave an AH. He has moved in and out of my place 6 times, since January this year. Yes I know I have allowed it, kept hoping things would get better that maybe he was going through some kind of mid-life-crisis.

He leaves for weeks at a time then comes begging his way back in the door, I guess I am just weak like that. I was just released from the hospital on Wednesday afternoon and he made up an excuse toleave awhile, I was so hurt and felt like I am worth nothing. I have 30 years in this relationship.

He left again tonight, I have the papers for a divorce and after a year of this I know something has too be done.

I still find myself searching for they whys, I suppose I will never understand.

I just needed somewhere to rant,

Thanks,
Angie

Kindeyes

Angie
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with so much addiction in your life. That is so much to endure. I hope you are doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. When we get sucked into the vortex of addiction, we usually become just as sick as the addicts in our life and we don't see it. I hope you'll stick around and begin taking care of you.

gentle hugs

crazybabie

My, AH just called and wants too look over the divorce papers. I do not want to see him I know I will get sucked back in. I do not want, this divorce yet I know it is necessary.

I suppose I have to meet with him at some point and the weekend is coming so he will, likely wait untill mid next week when he is broke before trying to suck me in.

I am going to spend alot of time with my Higher Power untill then hoping when he does I will have strength to say NO.

Angie

keepinon

Have you tried alanon or naranon meetings..they help me alot.

crazybabie

Yes, I did with my son I suppose I really need to go back now.

tam

hugs crazybabie!, is it necessary to divorce right now and put yourself through talking to him or seeing him ? him being under the influence and you under such great emotional distress I know you both can make irrational decisions right now that can cause more problems for you. maybe a seperation and then when your stronger and stable do the divorce? have you consulted with an attorney to see your pro's/con's at having to file right now or can it wait?

briana09

Hugs Hugs to you!!! Try and get to face to face Al Anon meeting. They will help. Hang in there.

crazybabie

Tam, your right it dosen't have to be done right now I suppose I feel if it was then I could just move on but we all know that isan't true... I have spoke with an attorney and waiting would not harm anything in that area.

crazybabie

I have decided after doing alot of reading today that the I must take care of me first and right now I am not stable enough to deal with a divorce, especially one that can wait.

Thankks for the viewpoints.
Angie

Spiritual Seeker

Whether you move forward w/ divorce or not right now, you do not have to
let him in & out as he chooses if it does not feel good.

I am glad that both your sons have survived. I was not so fortunate with my son.
Addiction has wrecked havoc on your life.
Looks like you're seeking ways to step away...You know
that can only happen when it is YOU who makes some changes.
May you get the strength to make changes that will be gratifying and peaceful.

crazybabie

I am so very sorry you lost your son. My daughter lost her fiancee the month before my sons overdose. Yes, your right I am trying to step away, I also know I am the one who has to do that... just taking baby steps right now. This is hard for anyone but it has defiently played havoc with my Bi-polar.

I do see a therapist so I have that to be thankful for and I see there are online meetings here now which is great for me because I also have panic attacks with agoraphobia so I will not leave my house for months sometimes.

coffeedrinker

Angie,

I think that writing these things here means something. I think that making the statment that you need to divorce, and that you need to say "NO" means something. When we start speaking the secrets we've been carrying, that is progress.

I do believe that you will have the strength to do what you need to.

Peace....

Live

I also have bipolar disorder.
For myself, I have to be especially vigilant about the basics when I get stressed.
I don't want it to set off an episode.

for me it is:
1) medications
2) proper sleep
3) getting out to see my counselor
4) getting one hour of sunshine a day

I am prone to isolating but when I do get out it lifts my spirits so very much.

Ann

No advice from me today, Angie, just lots of hugs and prayers to help you make it through this tough time.

It will be okay, you'll be okay, you're stronger than you think.

More Hugs