Addicts Dating Addicts
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Addicts Dating Addicts
Why do they do this? My ex is now dating another addict, somebody who is in a drug treatment program, and I guess he's madly in love and wants to get a place together. This is the girl the he met while he was on his drug bender after the accident. All of a sudden, they're in love? WTF?? What's the deal? Is this something they do? Why? What are the reasons? I don't buy that it's true love between these two. I just don't. He's not capable of loving anybody.
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Birds of a feather flock together and addictive personality traits are the ties that bind.
People with addictions, recovering or not, will generally gravitate towards their own kind, and that includes us codies, recovering or not.
Reminds me of a line from Sleepless in Seattle, when Meg Ryan runs to her brother with doubts about her impending marriage:
Annie, when you're attracted to someone, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously. So what we think of as fate is just two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match.
People with addictions, recovering or not, will generally gravitate towards their own kind, and that includes us codies, recovering or not.
Reminds me of a line from Sleepless in Seattle, when Meg Ryan runs to her brother with doubts about her impending marriage:
Annie, when you're attracted to someone, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously. So what we think of as fate is just two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match.
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Originally Posted by Chino 
Birds of a feather flock together and addictive personality traits are the ties that bind.
People with addictions, recovering or not, will generally gravitate towards their own kind, and that includes us codies, recovering or not.
Reminds me of a line from Sleepless in Seattle, when Meg Ryan runs to her brother with doubts about her impending marriage:
Annie, when you're attracted to someone, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously. So what we think of as fate is just two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match.
People with addictions, recovering or not, will generally gravitate towards their own kind, and that includes us codies, recovering or not.
Reminds me of a line from Sleepless in Seattle, when Meg Ryan runs to her brother with doubts about her impending marriage:
Annie, when you're attracted to someone, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously. So what we think of as fate is just two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match.
It sucks that I'm alone, and those two selfish assholes are in some "loving" relationship now. Doesn't seem fair. It's also unbelievable that he thinks he's going to move back to my area (why?) and get a place together and live happily ever after. Does he not realize he's going to jail for all the stupid **** he's done??
Striving to be a better Man!
Join Date: Feb 2010
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I resent your use of the word "they". Like we are a lower life form that does not deserve to be happy. Thank goodness I have more forgiving people who are willing to accept me for me than your ex does.
Given the choice between my completely straight exwife or my current "addict" I know which I want. Thank you for reminding me of this.
Given the choice between my completely straight exwife or my current "addict" I know which I want. Thank you for reminding me of this.
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Originally Posted by blackstrat6
I resent your use of the word "they". Like we are a lower life form that does not deserve to be happy. Thank goodness I have more forgiving people who are willing to accept me for me than your ex does.
Given the choice between my completely straight exwife or my current "addict" I know which I want. Thank you for reminding me of this.
Given the choice between my completely straight exwife or my current "addict" I know which I want. Thank you for reminding me of this.
Why are you in this thread, trying to spread negativity? I'm just looking for answers.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
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Originally Posted by DaisyBuchanan
It sucks that I'm alone, and those two selfish assholes are in some "loving" relationship now. Doesn't seem fair.
Did you ever grow up with your mom telling you life wasn't fair? Gads I could not count the times my mother told me that when I was whining about something being unfair.
She was right though. Life is often unfair. That's reality. It's up to me to make the best of things, and continue forward in my recovery process.
What are you doing to help yourself heal from the effects of his addiction?
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Originally Posted by Freedom1990
Did you ever grow up with your mom telling you life wasn't fair? Gads I could not count the times my mother told me that when I was whining about something being unfair.
She was right though. Life is often unfair. That's reality. It's up to me to make the best of things, and continue forward in my recovery process.
What are you doing to help yourself heal from the effects of his addiction?
She was right though. Life is often unfair. That's reality. It's up to me to make the best of things, and continue forward in my recovery process.
What are you doing to help yourself heal from the effects of his addiction?
I'm just going on with my life, but I'm depressed
When I met him, I was looking for love and somebody to share my life with. I thought I had found that. We had a ton of things in common, and I had never had that before with somebody. We seemed to click on every level. So now, I'm just getting used to being by myself again and enjoying the solace of not having anymore drama (his drama) in my life.
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Daisy,
I hear your discomfort coming through loud and clear. It must hurt like hell to care for someone who is with someone else.
I, too, separated from my spouse. Then he found another addict to live with. That new relationship of his lasted about two years until she got put in jail for drugs. (How embarrassing! She was taken out of his residence in handcuffs!)
I met him when I was 19. I used for the first seven years into our marriage. My spouse was a perfect co-dependent. He needed me more than I needed him. After I got clean and sober, he got more and more angry with me for getting healthy. I stayed for three years, even though they told me I should give the marriage at least TWO years after getting sober and clean! Like I said, after I left, he found someone else, another addict, except this time, she was using. Guess he needed someone he could pity, take care of, and look down at.
That ain't me. I am healthy now. Too bad he couldn't get healthy "with" me! I gave him plenty of chances.
It's not quite the same as the situation you described, but it is similiar. Thought it might help to see the other side........
But, then again, maybe not. -tabfan
I hear your discomfort coming through loud and clear. It must hurt like hell to care for someone who is with someone else.
I, too, separated from my spouse. Then he found another addict to live with. That new relationship of his lasted about two years until she got put in jail for drugs. (How embarrassing! She was taken out of his residence in handcuffs!)
I met him when I was 19. I used for the first seven years into our marriage. My spouse was a perfect co-dependent. He needed me more than I needed him. After I got clean and sober, he got more and more angry with me for getting healthy. I stayed for three years, even though they told me I should give the marriage at least TWO years after getting sober and clean! Like I said, after I left, he found someone else, another addict, except this time, she was using. Guess he needed someone he could pity, take care of, and look down at.
That ain't me. I am healthy now. Too bad he couldn't get healthy "with" me! I gave him plenty of chances.
It's not quite the same as the situation you described, but it is similiar. Thought it might help to see the other side........
But, then again, maybe not. -tabfan
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Originally Posted by Freedom1990
Sick loves sick. My second marriage was ideal to feed my addictions since he was an addict too.
Dang, I guess it is something "we" do, until we stop.
Beth
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If he is your ex then why would it matter? You are broken up for a reason. I never get people that are upset when ex's move on. Understandably he left you with loads of pain it seems. But until you let him/that pain go, he will still be causing you hurt.
For me ending a relationship is good riddance. Esp if the guy was kind of loserish
For me ending a relationship is good riddance. Esp if the guy was kind of loserish
Nature Girl
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I'm sorry for your pain, Daisy, it must hurt terribly to go through this.
But never forget that you are worth so much more than this, and that the healthier you get yourself, the healthier your choices will be in a relationship.
Sick attracts sick....but healthy attracts healthy.
I have a feeling that one day soon you will see wonderful new beginnings in your life.
Hugs
But never forget that you are worth so much more than this, and that the healthier you get yourself, the healthier your choices will be in a relationship.
Sick attracts sick....but healthy attracts healthy.
I have a feeling that one day soon you will see wonderful new beginnings in your life.
Hugs
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Originally Posted by DaisyBuchanan
Why do they do this? My ex is now dating another addict, somebody who is in a drug treatment program, and I guess he's madly in love and wants to get a place together. This is the girl the he met while he was on his drug bender after the accident. All of a sudden, they're in love? WTF?? What's the deal? Is this something they do? Why? What are the reasons? I don't buy that it's true love between these two. I just don't. He's not capable of loving anybody.
I remember when my sister was alive, (all the men she loved) I thought, how could you love someone when you dont love yourself.
I think she loved the idea of having someone who she thought was looking after her, getting the booze, paying her bills, she related to the guys who drank aswell, why not she didnt have to hide it then.
I remember phone calls of her telling me - how much she loved this guy and that, he cared about her, etc etc and that she thought I hated him.
Id never met the guy, so you see even in the addiction I dont think she actually was choosing any guy rationally anyway. The guys were just her ticket to the booze shop.
Dont give yourself pain by wanting to know why your ex is doing this, just know that its probably more than he needs right now to be with someone who lives like him, wont judge him and will use with him and understand his way of thinking, if you know what I mean.
I hated it when she would call me and tell me she had 'broken' up with this guy, but someone else was interested. It made me sick with worry - but thats another story.
I know youre angry right now, it seems your ex has moved on and you feel betrayed, but seriously its probably best that you move forward and start looking after your own best interests.
Wish You Well
JJ
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Originally Posted by Babyblue
If he is your ex then why would it matter? You are broken up for a reason. I never get people that are upset when ex's move on. Understandably he left you with loads of pain it seems. But until you let him/that pain go, he will still be causing you hurt.
For me ending a relationship is good riddance. Esp if the guy was kind of loserish
For me ending a relationship is good riddance. Esp if the guy was kind of loserish
This was back in September. It's a fresh wound. I'm still getting over it. I still see him around my neighborhood, waiting for the bus. I haven't talked to him. I just know that he is with this other girl. I'm going through a lot of emotions all at once. It's been like this since the accident. A rollercoaster of emotions: betrayal, jealousy, intense anger, heartbreak, and pain. He knew that I wouldn't let him back into my life, and he needed somebody new to manipulate. The last time I saw him (back in September), he was telling me that he was falling in love with me. We had been together for a few months at that point, so it felt right and I was falling in love, too. Then, he went on his drug bender with my stolen credit cards and met this girl. It's been hard. I'm trying to get over it and move on. It's only been a few weeks. The fact that he's out of jail, and I see him around the neighborhood just brings it all back. I saw him waiting for the bus again today
I honestly can't move on from this until the charges go through, and I've gone to court, and I seek out some kind of justice for what he's done to my roommate and myself. I hope he learns his lesson to never steal from somebody else again. Stealing from his girlfriends seems to be a vicious pattern with him.
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Originally Posted by Ann
I'm sorry for your pain, Daisy, it must hurt terribly to go through this.
But never forget that you are worth so much more than this, and that the healthier you get yourself, the healthier your choices will be in a relationship.
Sick attracts sick....but healthy attracts healthy.
I have a feeling that one day soon you will see wonderful new beginnings in your life.
Hugs
But never forget that you are worth so much more than this, and that the healthier you get yourself, the healthier your choices will be in a relationship.
Sick attracts sick....but healthy attracts healthy.
I have a feeling that one day soon you will see wonderful new beginnings in your life.
Hugs
Everybody is so wonderful and caring here
I hope somebody reads about my experience, and it helps them deal with their addict and their own personal situation.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 1
Been there
Hi Daisy, I feel your pain. I was involved with an addict for two years, I visited him in jail and prison and a couple of drug rehabs. The first year every time he got out he ran back to his addict/prostitute girlfriend. The last time he was in prison rehab I thought that things were going to be different, he got out, we got engaged, we were going to church every week, he started college (he's 51 and spent 15 years of his life in prison). Everything was good for a while. Then his father got sick and he started lying, cheating and using. He was cheating on me with a girl he met at a NA meeting. Now he's lying and cheating on someone else. I just want you to know that an addict really doesn't know how to love someone. At least not while they are still in the throes of the illness. My sister is a recovering addict and she just tells me that it is too hard for them to be around people who don't have the illness. It still hurts like hell. It has been 3 months since I took his crap to his mother's house, but he was already staying with the new girl. He had been seeing her since at least October. All that time I told him to take his stuff and go and he was like "No I am coming back, everything will be okay" it just never was ok. Now, he has dropped out of school and I'm pretty sure his life is crap. I know that he has a couple of other addict girlfriends that he is leading on. They are all stressing him. He is a loser and I know that God looked at me and said enough is enough. He took me out of the crazy, drama filled circus. Just concentrate on your life. God will send you someone who knows just how wonderful you are. Let the new addict have him and all his bs. You deserve better. Just want you to know that my story is similar to yours. I wish I had learned my lesson before I wasted all that time and money on him. Definitely his loss. Take care of yourself.
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