oneday2many

New guy, hopefully with a problem somebody can relate too or help with. I've drank heavy since i was 13 years old. Im now 35. I had my first drink from my sister at 13, and also just getn into drinking with the friends i had. I grew up deeply depressed because of how disfunctional my family was. Even had several panic attacks in my teen years. Being sober i was a social outcast. My family was very uneducated and pretty much anti-social even within the family. Like both of my parents were traumatized in some way when they were young. My mom grew up in Kentucky, had to walk a few miles a day to and from school. My point to this is that my personality is in the bottle of alchol. I've tried therapy but that doesn't help at all. After talking with someone about this I'm still at square one. Not knowing how to react to pop shots from people at work. I hate conflict with a passion but that seems like how people has fun at work, and everyone in general. Its hard for me to coexist with other people when I'm still trying figure out who I'am. I picked the user name 1day2many because i.ve went alittle too long being blind to my reality of my actions. Being honest with this question since i'm online not in person. What can I do if I am really hopeless and broken? Just like my parents...Thanks for reading if you made it this far. Thats it I guess.

CarolD

You can change direction...many of us found sobriety
the best way to make positive decision to improve our lives.

Welcome to SR.....

oneday2many

I think someone has to beat a positive personality into me, Before i can realize how to have fun. Thats pretty much whats its going to take. Maybe get publicly humiliated like in the jackazz movie and realize how handle people that pretty much dont like me. I had this dream alot but not lately. A rude awakening is what i called it. Where i get kidnapped with a bag over my head. Then it seemed like i was around a crowd on my knees. I was being asked questions about who I was. Like i was being forced to admitt what i thought of myself inside and passing that speed bump of being able to admitt who I was out loud. Atleast someone can give me a swift kick in the azz to get me started. I really hate to complain. Just not sure how move like in that switch foot song, Dare you to move. Hope to be on this site alot and get some advice from other posts... ;}

Dee74

Hi oneday2many
Welcome to SR

One of the benefits of sobriety for me was finally being comfortable with who I am - I'm kinda shy usually...but now that's ok.

I am who I am and noone else is quite as good at doing that as me, you know?

I hope maybe you can get to that point too - you'll certainly find support here

Are you planning to have anymore counselling, or try a recovery programme like AA or whatever as well?

D

artsoul

Welcome - Getting the alcohol out of my life really helped with my emotional and mental state. I struggled a lot early in life with depression, but when I started drinking to get rid of the depression, it just made it worse and added anxiety on top of it.

It takes a while for our minds and bodies to get in balance, but for now, just take it one day at a time and focus on staying sober. Coming here really helps me on a daily basis.

ozgoddess

Hey oneday

I can relate to a fair bit of what you have said. It has taken me this long to realise that my personality is definitely not at the end of a bottle. At the end of the bottle was a lot of pain and anxiety, which has pretty much disappeared.

Of course I will never totally forget the pain of the past but I am working very hard to let it go. And after nearly 7 months with no alcohol, I have come to realise i am a pretty nice person with a good personality minus alcohol.

Give yourself some time. One day at a time. It comes together through recovery and changing the tape that plays in your head.

Hang out here as much as possible. SR is a great place to heal.

Bamboozle

Maybe find a group of people who share similar interests? Books, movies, video games, art, music, history.... Maybe join a club?

Moo Moos

Hi Oneday, welcome. Why are you so hard on yourself?? Nobody is liked by all the people all the time and who cares who likes you. I now feel that it is more important to like yourself and in time people can see that if you respect yourself physically and mentally that you are a strong person. I wouldnt like to fit into a box just to be liked. Your not on stage with people, not here to entertain...you are here to be yourself!! I know that when you drink you suffer all kinds of paranoia, tying to hide the extent of the problem, worried about the night before etc etc (excuse spelling), Just get yourself better!!!

oneday2many

Thanks for the support evryone. I am alittle hard on myself. I do need some new friends that i can connect with. would help alot. Its just been a real struggle to just let go and live again. Hopefully i can find a partner someday that will change my outlook on life. I'm doing what i fear the most going to an AA meeting tonite. I know if i ever decide to tell my struggles with alchol im going to choke and look like a scared child trying to talk. Being hard on me again. I just have a severe case of social anxiety. Thanks for reading my complaints. Thinking as positive as i can. I'm sure I'll be alright some where down the road. Thanks again.

LaFemme

Hi and Welcome!

It's awesome that you are actually reaching out for help...do you know how many people don't do that????

Have a good time at the meeting tonight...I bet you find a lot of people who are in the same boat as you.

One piece of advice...don't look for someone to come along and help you change your outlook on life....I waited for that person for a long time myself and wasted years before realizing I was the person I needed to change my outlook myself:-)