steve1840

however slightly it is, i feel a shift. i feel a slight awakening, like the earliest stages of possible change.

acceptance.

i am accepting that she really is an addict. she is not just using, but is an addict.

i am accepting that even though it may be beyond her control, she cannot stop right now.

i am accepting that i have to let go,


i fear she won't get help tomorrow, or the next day, or next week, but that it can be months or years.

i have seen women out there who have been addicts for 10-20 years. there are people who live that life that long and i have to accept that she may be that statistic.

i fear that i will run back out there when she asks me to.

i will not give money

i fear she can end up in a dark alley or field, alone, overdosing or beaten. alone. unable to move, unable to make a sound beyond a whisper, regretting everything.

i have to trick myself into not obsessing about how bad this all is- that she is on hard drugs, living on the streets

i have to accept that i have to worry about me, and take care of me.

i have to remember to remember this

Lizzaayy

:ghug3

there you go steve! you're on the right track.
she will stop asking when you stop giving.

BBD

"YES" Steve. You have to remember. I have read all your threads and have had a hard time not replying. IT took me forever to get to where you have to be. I only wish i could put in words what I learned through counseling (sp) and listening....before I stopped trying to rescue my son from his habit.....but I got to a point were I was so angry that I had to hand him over to his higher power and back away.. You don't need my story but after years of this he is now 13 months free running his own company. So, stay strong and start enjoying life.....hugs and smiles, Bonnie

Ann

Something that helps me detach is to try not to "awfulize".

I don't dwell on what could happen, all the darkness that the world of addiction holds.

For me, saying a prayer and giving my son's care to God is all I need to make it through my days and live well.

Hugs

DaisyBuchanan

Steve, what you have to realize is this is the path she's chosen for herself. As much as you care about her, you have to let her make her own choices. I can't tell you how sorry I am to read about what you've been going through. I'm sure there's a part of her that will always appreciate you caring for her the way you do. Maybe someday she will see how much you did for her. Right now, you have to focus on yourself. She will be okay. This is how she wants to live her life. You have to accept that

coffeedrinker

good post, steve.

it comes in little bits, then a big bit, then back to some little. it's a process.

i feel your pain, truly. but i am so hopeful for you. you're in the transition phase right now -- you're gonna get through this

Freedom1990

Steve, I can assure you she has a higher power with her, just as I have always had, even in my darkest moments of addiction.

When I find myself starting to worry, I close my eyes and visualize a big pair of hands, God's loving hands.

Then I place those worries smack dab into God's hands.

There have been times I had to do that several times a day, but it does work.

Impurrfect

(((Steve))) - I see progress

I agree with ((Ann)) that it's not good to awfulize, but even after 3-1/2 years of recovery from crack and codependency, I still slip into that mode occasionally.

One of the people in my life, who is extremely supportive, has always told me "God has you in the palm of His hands". I have to remember that about other people, too. It kinda goes along with what ((Ann)) says.

When I'm struggling with detaching someone, I just envision two very big, kind hands, enveloping whoever I'm worried about. It doesn't mean they'll be okay, but it does mean that someone way stronger, someone that loves them dearly, has them. Don't know if this helps you any, but it does help me.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Impurrfect

hmmm, seems ((Freedom)) and I have the same method of dealing with stuff (we were posting at the same time).

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

lostparent

This was hard for me too..I was always saying "she's a drug user" was so hard to face the fact she is an addict.