Keeping your head above water...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Keeping your head above water...
I feel that regardless of what or how you're thinking and feeling it's always important to cling to that knowledge that the only thing keeping your head above water is the fact that you haven't allowed alcohol back in your life.
It's also impostant to realise that mad and crazy thoughts can be entertained providing they aren't seriously considered to be acted upon. This especially relevant to me if I am feeling totally off balance and my thoughts are racing and irrational and my thoughts are just negative and self-jeopardising. I tend to find that these types of thoughts will come especially when i am lying down in bed for the night ready to go to sleep. I can let my mind run away and play out hypothetical situations to calm it down always knowing that 'just for today' then I will not drink or take drugs.
I find that I may wake up feeling not 100% but the day may turn out well and I will be feeling really good again. I guess this is the importance of also accepting that anxiety, stress and emotional pain have to be felt. I feel as an alcoholic then when i feel this then my mind tries to look for escape routes. I guess as an alcoholic then I don't like to feel anything but good and when i don't feel perfectly in the present moment and relaxed and chilled out on my path then I can look to want to rid myself of this pain/anxiety.
I think it's always crucial to remember that wherever you are in your recovery journey and how many days/months/years you have sober then the only thing keeping your head above water at the base level is that sobriety. Take the first drink and you will drown and be unable to cope. I know this is the case for me.
It's a journey which I find increasingly related to the ability to live in the present and embrace it and not overtly strive to 'force' things to try to happen. They often happen organically if at all. I think getting this clarity and balance is where a lot of the conflict can occur. Questioning whether you're doing as much in your life as you should be by projected comparisons to other perceived peers/people or being content and in the moment happy to be sober and fully aware that as an alcoholic and addict then recovery has to come first.
I had a pretty good day today and this is just some stuff that entered my head driving home. I seem to get moments of clarity where I feel I hit a 'eureka' type moment of understanding and then the converse of that which is the feelings of projections and negative thoughts, anxiety's, self consciousness and worry.
Grateful to be sober.
Increase The peace
It's also impostant to realise that mad and crazy thoughts can be entertained providing they aren't seriously considered to be acted upon. This especially relevant to me if I am feeling totally off balance and my thoughts are racing and irrational and my thoughts are just negative and self-jeopardising. I tend to find that these types of thoughts will come especially when i am lying down in bed for the night ready to go to sleep. I can let my mind run away and play out hypothetical situations to calm it down always knowing that 'just for today' then I will not drink or take drugs.
I find that I may wake up feeling not 100% but the day may turn out well and I will be feeling really good again. I guess this is the importance of also accepting that anxiety, stress and emotional pain have to be felt. I feel as an alcoholic then when i feel this then my mind tries to look for escape routes. I guess as an alcoholic then I don't like to feel anything but good and when i don't feel perfectly in the present moment and relaxed and chilled out on my path then I can look to want to rid myself of this pain/anxiety.
I think it's always crucial to remember that wherever you are in your recovery journey and how many days/months/years you have sober then the only thing keeping your head above water at the base level is that sobriety. Take the first drink and you will drown and be unable to cope. I know this is the case for me.
It's a journey which I find increasingly related to the ability to live in the present and embrace it and not overtly strive to 'force' things to try to happen. They often happen organically if at all. I think getting this clarity and balance is where a lot of the conflict can occur. Questioning whether you're doing as much in your life as you should be by projected comparisons to other perceived peers/people or being content and in the moment happy to be sober and fully aware that as an alcoholic and addict then recovery has to come first.
I had a pretty good day today and this is just some stuff that entered my head driving home. I seem to get moments of clarity where I feel I hit a 'eureka' type moment of understanding and then the converse of that which is the feelings of projections and negative thoughts, anxiety's, self consciousness and worry.
Grateful to be sober.
Increase The peace
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Thoughts are only thoughts Neo. Easy to remind ourselves, but very difficult to live so take this as just a friendly reminder to us both.
...and I understand exactly what you mean about not wanting to feel anything negative. I think that's one of the roots of our problems and goes right back into THE root of our problems, which is selfishness. It's like "how dare something happen to make me feel bad, or sad, or less than!" - kind of crazy when you think about it.
One thing that has helped me is to try to not "quantify" every feeling as good or bad. Most things just are and shouldn't be deemed "good" or "bad".
It just is.
...and I understand exactly what you mean about not wanting to feel anything negative. I think that's one of the roots of our problems and goes right back into THE root of our problems, which is selfishness. It's like "how dare something happen to make me feel bad, or sad, or less than!" - kind of crazy when you think about it.
One thing that has helped me is to try to not "quantify" every feeling as good or bad. Most things just are and shouldn't be deemed "good" or "bad".
It just is.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,755
I have noticed that for me, keeping my head above water (or wine, I should say) is helped a great deal by keeping gratitude in my daily life. I start each day with gratitude and end each day the same way. This has made such a difference to me and has helped me enormously in staying sober and being happy about it.
I drank mostly to suppress depression and anxiety, which of course just made them worse. But I wasn't in the habit of being thankful for anything, was always complaining about my lot in life and blah blah blah.. But staying sober has given me a whole new attitude of gratitude and I find that the depression and anxiety are much better now, more bearable, and certainly not a reason to drink.
Being grateful means that every time I pass the drivethru where I used to get my wine every day I get a feeling of gratitude that I no longer need to drink. And that strengthens my sobriety.
It came as an "ah ha!" moment when I realized that being thankful for what I have means that I'm not so concerned about what I don't have!
Thanks for sharing! I always learn something from your posts.
I drank mostly to suppress depression and anxiety, which of course just made them worse. But I wasn't in the habit of being thankful for anything, was always complaining about my lot in life and blah blah blah.. But staying sober has given me a whole new attitude of gratitude and I find that the depression and anxiety are much better now, more bearable, and certainly not a reason to drink.
Being grateful means that every time I pass the drivethru where I used to get my wine every day I get a feeling of gratitude that I no longer need to drink.
And that strengthens my sobriety.It came as an "ah ha!" moment when I realized that being thankful for what I have means that I'm not so concerned about what I don't have!
Thanks for sharing! I always learn something from your posts.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: uk
Posts: 464
so much sense in those statements, so very true and relevant here also, back to basics, keepin it nice and simple, eliminating conflict, and try to go with the flow of things, whilst giving your best shot, striving to acheive too much, or having great expectations,
often opens the door to personal dissapointment/Delusion,in turn can open the door to picking up,in dejection/Bubble burst syndrome..
Great post there, thanks.
often opens the door to personal dissapointment/Delusion,in turn can open the door to picking up,in dejection/Bubble burst syndrome..
Great post there, thanks.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 147
I can totally relate to the whole forcing things to happen. I often compare my life situation to friends, family members, and total strangers that I don't even know. It can cause unwanted conflict and stress to "catch up." It can be hard to stay in the present at least for me. I am always thinking about the past and future. This whole thing can be a big trigger for me and make me depressed and just having feelings of well **** it I want to get drunk and forget for awhile. I am now trying to allow life to happen as oppose to thinking that I have to always be assertive and make life happen. Really now days I try to forget what everyone else is doing/accomplishing in life and focus on one day and not get to far in front of myself. There is no timeline in life and I guess things come together at different times for different people. (Ie. relationships, dating, friendship, marriage, kids, the nice house, car, great job, bright future, in a better place mentally/physically/morally, ect)
I can also relate to the laying down to go to bed at night and have my mind just racing causing all kinds of anxiety/stress. It can be hard to go to sleep most nights even if I'm physically tired.
Neo, I just wanted to say that I can totally relate to your situation and a lot of your previous posts/threads. Try not to get down on yourself and know that in time things will work out for you and you will have all that you need in life. Peace.
I can also relate to the laying down to go to bed at night and have my mind just racing causing all kinds of anxiety/stress. It can be hard to go to sleep most nights even if I'm physically tired.
Neo, I just wanted to say that I can totally relate to your situation and a lot of your previous posts/threads. Try not to get down on yourself and know that in time things will work out for you and you will have all that you need in life. Peace.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Kansas
Posts: 63
My last relapse I believe was wanting too much change too quickly. Thought I could get a brand new me in 2 wks. don't happen that way. Just like everyone says 1 day at a time. Which I'm learning now.Thanks for your posts everyone. It is much needed to help me through this process.I'm greatful For today I am sober!!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Cary, NC
Posts: 715
Well said Neo
I wish those "eureka" moments happened more often, which may be the problem.
That's still forcing the issue.
When I was drinking, I ran away from those bad emotions and bad days. I may dislike those bad emotions and bad days now, but in the long run I'll appreciate them.
I wish those "eureka" moments happened more often, which may be the problem.
That's still forcing the issue.
When I was drinking, I ran away from those bad emotions and bad days. I may dislike those bad emotions and bad days now, but in the long run I'll appreciate them.
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