jacksdaughter

I thought we had made great progress my ADA son moved out of our home and got a really nice place. He also broke up with a girlfriend that wasn't right for him. All good or so Ithought. Today he tells me he wants to move back to the place he left a year ago and it's not a good place for him. I have been seriuosly upset since he told me this news. I guess I fear we are going right back to the drugs and the insanity. He is almost 30 now and I was really hoping we were on the right track moving in the right direction and now I am just not so sure. Any adivce or do I just start at step one with myself again. thank you.... for listening.

keepinon

Sorry and Step one again....

steve1840

i still do not have enough experience in all of this stuff. but, as i am seeing with my addict friend who is 30, they have to make their choices. i am not one to just let that happen though. i might throw out there to him- hey do you really think that is a good idea...etc. i would feel that at least i opened any dialogue, even though that may not achieve anything. my addict is either with me 10 minutes from camden or living in camden. i understand how you feel about him moving to a bad area.

jacksdaughter

I also cannot sit by and say nothing. I just threw out that I didn't think it was a good idea to move where he is talking about and of course he didn't like that at all. But I also mentioned that he has a lease what is he gonna do break his lease which will then give him a whole lot of other problems. It just seems endless and it's making me crazy. I was so happy that he was doing so well and not sure as have no proof that he is back to his old self, but really would you put yourself back in the same enviroment.

steve1840

from what i have seen, people who are serious about recovery do not go back to the familiar places and people. my addict friend who has not even stepped into rehab yet, has been saying for months that when (now i say if) she goes, she will not come back to this area. it is too familiar and too easy to slip. is this a matter of him moving to a local spot closer to the old haunts, or a big move to another state or something?

and you know what...i does seem endless, and i am believing with active addiction it is endless. my friend was going to go to detox thursday after having a bad experience wed night. she went in, she bolted. she said she'd go in friday morning. i did not have enough time before work to take her. she said she'd go that evening. well, saturday morning would be better because there was no sense going at 11pm for some reason. sat i give her a few bucks for dope so she wouldn't have to trick. she was sooo grateful. she got her shot and was good to go. we got to the place. she said she needed more drugs and had to "work." saturday night, didnt make it in. sunday morning same thing. i help to get her there but she wanted more. sunday day, sunday night...i doesn't end until they want it to end.

jacksdaughter

I know everything you say is true it won't end till he wants ... really wants it to end. I just can't understand why he would want to live that way. I guess I will have to start trying to detach again and not get too excited when I see progress again.

Ann

Trying to second guess anything to do with addiction...or recovery...will do nothing except make you crazy.

They can relapse at the best of times and stay clean at the worst, or vise versa, but the thing is...our worrying won't change the outcome.

At 30 maybe it's time to let him make his own choices, even if they are bad ones. To do otherwise may rob him of lessons he needs to learn for himself, including the lesson of responsibility.

I've been in your shoes, and my heart goes out to you, but letting go is the only way to peace for mamas like us.

Hugs