SeanFlorida123

Well tomorrow I'm going to go into xanax detox. I don't know if I'll have to be actually admitted to the hospital, which will be a nightmare because both my parents are doctors and both work there.

Basically, I've been taking Xanax since I was 16, I am now 21. I was prescribed it for "anxiety", but I just wanted it to help me sleep as I had sleeping problems. Well, not shockingly, the use of xanax increased and basically went over the edge two nights ago when I took like 10mg of xanax during the day, drank and somehow I manage to remember it and I threw up twice. My mom found multiple bottles of xanax all over my room.

It was really awkward. I know I should care about how I feel, but it seems I'm more concerned with what my parents will think. I've always prided myself in doing well both in school and in life and I have been successful. In fact, I've never done more in terms of internships, grades, honors student, editorial writer, volunteering. In high school I did a ton of extra activities after school and got straight As.

But I had a secret. I loved xanax and whatever other pain killer I could get my hands on, mainly norcos. Oxycontin was too "hardcore" for me, I did it once and actually didn't like it. But anyway, I've been taking xanax for so long that somehow I've managed to take amazingly large dosages, like 5-10mg in a night, sometimes less and oddly, sometimes I would go weeks without using and I didn't really care.

But I am an addict, I admit. It felt so good to admit it to my Mom, but I still haven't directly addressed my Dad. I feel more comforting with talking about this with my Mom. For instance, my Dad and I went and played soccer in the afternoon and this is after the disaster the night before and I've heard my Mom & Dad talking about it. But I just feel that I need to be "manly." Today I did my usual thing, helped out with a brunch we had for the neighbors, exercised with my Dad...etc, but also talking about this issue with them. I'm so embarrassed that I don't like talking about it at all, but I've come around somewhat. But just above all, I'm just so embarrassed at all the drama and what this is causing.

I've had 3 seizures in the past year so I'm pretty sure it was caused by Xanax, but there are other factors as well apparently so I'm taking Lamictal.

So I told my Mom that I wanted to go to an outpatient rehab. I'm a functioning person, do well in life and basically you can't really tell. But I admit it! I have a big problem with xanax because when I get it, it's like candy. I just take it all night long laying there reading the New Yorker or standing under the shower.

But I'm just sick of the seizures, even if they aren't caused by xanax, at least it takes away a chance for them. I also just want to see what life is like without xanax, as I truly never have had one.

My Mom was telling me that they might put me in the hospital for 3 days. I couldn't believe it and I just sank at that thought. I'm probably going to an outpatient clinic. And basically my endless supply of Xanax is now gone.

And tomorrow I am going to call the pharmacy and cancel a 90 1mg/month prescription of which i have 4 refills. So that'll feel good.

What actually happens? I heard they give you Klonopin? Or some other type of sedative? I've done both and actually have have had both prescribed. Didn't really like either, but of course not unpleasant. Does this defeat the purpose?

I really do feel that I can make it through this because I have an amazing family with a lot of support and I'll be getting the best care/assessment you can possibly get. I also am determined because I'm sick of it.

I still can't get over how much I feel like a failure. I just can't believe this s*** is happening. I just want it to go away so bad. Nobody really told me that xanax was addicting so I just kept on taking it more and more, life was going great and if anything, my success in life INCREASED when I took knock-you-out doses of xanax, especially in the past year.

So what am I going to encounter? I guess we will find out soon since I'm starting tomorrow.

I don't know what to think really. I'm not as nervous or scared as I thought I would be. If anything, I'm more concerned about my privacy. It doesn't seem like too big of a deal, but I think it will be. And if they somehow put me in an inpatient rehab, I'll go insane. I'll take daily blood tests to prove I'm clean so I can not do that. No. No. No. No.

We'll wee what happens. Wish me luck, because I'll need it. Also it's good because I'm not going to school this quarter because I had a seizure right before school started and got a bad concussion. But it actually doesn't matter school wise because I'm ahead in credits. And I'll have 3 months to devote to this and live with my parents and they're doctors....so that's very comforting.

here we go....I'll be sure to keep you updated!

Mattcake

Hi Sean Welcome to SR.

Two issues:

- Follow your doctor's orders to detox, if you have to go inpatient for a few days, so be it. I don't mean to scare you but, as you probably already know, Xanax withdrawal can be fatal, those seizures are very dangerous. Let a doc decide how to detox you safely.

- Worry about your parents later. Try to avoid feeling ashamed, we are all allowed to make mistakes, there's no need to be perfect The past is gone, learn from it, what really matters now is your decision to stop abusing prescription meds, and how you're going to deal with it. Recovery.

You will probably need support, so keep reaching out - SR is here for you, you could also consider NA or counselling for extra support. Just remember that you're not alone.

Please keep us updated, and stay safe.

Dee74

Hi Sean

Welcome to SR

I have no experience with Xanax but I agree with Matt - it makes sense to me to follow your doctors ideas of treatment whatever they are - I suggest you ask them as many questions as you like

D

Isaiah

Do what the doctors tell you. And they could give you another sedative. Seems bizarre, no?

And don't let this sink you. You can be a saint and have an addiction. It's not something that only happens to bad people. I think when you go to detox you may be surprised at how normal a lot of other patients will seem. And a lot of people fight addictions by a commitment to self-betterment, you could be one of those people.

Bamboozle

Welcome to SR, SF.

Good advice here. Please do what your doctor says.

mygirlchandler

Hi Sean,

I detoxed from xanax in August. I was taking 2mg's 3x a day and had been for two years. I never took more than prescribed and I was always under my doctor's supervision. I never thought it would happen to me.

The withdrawl process is very painful. I tried tapering down on my own, and still with it I had horrible withdrawl symptoms. You cannot get comfortable. You can't eat or sleep or think.

I went through two days of that before I decided to go to a treatment center for detox. I could not do the wallering around crying in pain on the floor thing. I have two small children and I did NOT want them to see me like that.

I was scared to admit it to my parents, but they already knew. I'm 36 years old and still care what my parents think about me. I thought they didn't know how bad it was, but they did. My husband helped me pack and hugged me tight and my mom drove me to the inpatient treatment.

I couldn't believe I was there. I was shocked at myself. Embarrassed. Sad. Scared. Sick.

They gave me a librium as soon as I got there. It is a benzo, but it does not have the same effect that xanax does. It is long lasting (I think???). After that kicked in, I felt fine. FINE! I wasn't wallering in the floor. I wasn't in pain. My mind didn't race. I was able to accept the fact that I was there and that I was there for a good reason and I was going to learn how to cope with life!

By the second day I was laughing and smiling. My only discomfort was no chapstick. THEY WOULDN'T LET ME HAVE MY CHAPSTICK! I had to go to the nurses station to ask for Chapstick.

By the fourth day, I had been to all of my groups and participated activley in every session. I laughed a lot. (Did you know that there are some crazy people in rehab???) I was ready to go home!

I went home after 5 days. I went right back to work the next day. I had heaps of nervous butterflies, but I handled it like a champ.

My anti depressant started kicking in a few weeks later and life has been beautiful. I don't hide in my room. I can go into a store. I can talk on the phone. I can be responsible at work because I know I'm good at what I do. I can get my girls ready for school in the morning and have them looking beautiful and put together. I can get myself ready for work and look beautiful and put together!

Don't be afraid because your beautiful life is waiting for you. If you can be successful and positive and achieve great things while you are taking a large does of xanax... just think of what you can do without it!

Good luck, Sean! My vote is go inpatient! Your parents love you and they will be SO PROUD of you for accepting the gift of treatment!