Petewill

73 days and freaked.. things were going well, they still are. just find myself getting those old thoughts of self-loathing and coulda,woulda, shoulda's back again. I am on step 2 and actively working the program, NA, that is. I don't know what's wrong with me, find myself resenting everything, even having my kids for the weekend. I am second guessing my school, recovery, my life. recently went on a date and was paranoid about just dating again( like, can i trust this person, i have major trust issues). probably way too early in recovery, just have been lonely for a long time, is that so wrong? sponsor say's it's a bad idea, but he's married, he does not have to worry about it. anyway, this is the longest clean time I have had in over a year now, it feels good to have some self-respect again. sorry venting.

Dee74

I know it wasn't exactly the catalyst but I think things like dating can stir up a lot of unresolved issues Pete - it's always stressful and a bit scary to put ourselves out there again.

Not saying you shouldn't do it because I know we're all different, but frankly I'm glad I waited til I was ready and not just because I was lonely...

I put the time in to know myself and feel comfortable in my own company - that way other people could feel comfortable too, and I knew, no matter what happened with the date or any relationship from that, that I'd be ok.

Apart from that, in a more general sense - have you read about PAWs?
I'm not a Dr but it's good reading

http://digital-dharma.net/addiction/...r-immediately/

D

LaFemme

Hey Pete! Congrats on 73!

My coach has me working on removal of the word "should" from my language...when we say "should" it is usually not our selves saying it but authority figures like our parents. Viewing things from that perspective and trying to get in touch with my authentic self has been a major help in my recovery...don't know if that helps but thought id throw it out there:-)

As for dating...I get lonely too...but right now I need to work on me...the whole authentic self thing...you know:-)

yeahgr8

Sounds like you are getting some new feelings and emotions and dont know quite what to do with them...when i got sober it was like i had been in a time warp with that stuff, before i had a feeling i didnt like i had a solution for that...drink/use!

It seems very overwhelming at times and for people like us who have tried so hard to be in control for so long it is diffcult to let go...we have placed our trust in people whilst drinking with totally impossible conditions for those people to achieve e.g. ill stop drinking/using for my new girlfriend, kids, dead relative etc...they all let us down it seems and, at the same time, we let ourselves down...what failures!

Failures we weren't though...we have an illness, we're sick and until we get help and change we will remain sick...good news is that you have already started to change things and are on your road to recovery through the steps of NA and your spiritual awakening!

Can you trust your sponsor...let me ask you how did directing the show or managing our own life worked out for us? Do you seriously want to put us back in charge...i don't!

Relying on a power greater than ourselves...that can be your sponsor or group for now and soon will become your own higher power of your understanding...

Do you feel that you are going too slow on the step work,you in enough pain to get onto the work steps yet...4+? Just a thought?

As for dating you are just starting to notice yourself...the foreseeable future will be about getting to know you and having a relationship with yourself...throw someone else into the mix and it will take the focus off you...thats best case scenario...worst case is that you will turn that person, again, into a reason not to use, they will not fulfill your unreasonable demands as usual and you will drink/use again...maybe you will find your way back to NA in months, years or like most never at all...

Good luck:-)

Kmber2010

Pete, you have our support and I couldn't agree more with the above posts.

Hang in there and do the work. I can relate to much of what you shared.

Petewill

Thanks for the input. I really appreciate it and I do understand what is being said. The issue is that I had previously had 18mnths clean before and was working the steps, got to step 10 and then relapsed. The relapse was on and off for almost a year. so, in the 18months of working the steps and the year after, i did not date or see anyone really. a few one nighters, here and there.. lol. herein lies the confusion, and I am most likely not ready or able to still date. speaking about this seems almost stupid, as this is not the most important aspect of life right now, staying clean is. but, one starts to think they have major, character flaws being alone for this long, at least i do....... thanks for reading.

LaFemme

Hey Pete! I don't think its in any way shape or form strange to be thinking about dating. Imo relationships are how we grow as people. However, right now, we are doing a ton of growing already, so perhaps being in a relationship would be too much...make any sense?

Its been about a year since I was in a serious relationship. I was drinking too much at the end to sustain one and I'm only in my 4th month sober...so I've been doing a lot of personal growing plus I have some health things to get. Square first as well.

I sometimes get jealous of people who are already in relationships when they get sober...but then I read enougg here to see that brings a host of its own problems to the table:-)