Uh Oh
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: PM me
Posts: 324
Uh Oh
I don't know how to explain all of this briefly...and I'm scared you all will smack me upside the head if I go into detail BUT...
the a in my life has stated some pretty graphic things about what he would like to do me, as in seriously harm me.
i was in a forum talking about it, not exactly taking it seriously and one person suggested I a least notify someone (again, dont want to go into detail, I'm getting scared and kind of paranoid at this point)
so I did, and now I'm scared they're going to catch him and he's going to get a felony or he'll find out I said something and come after me or just hate me so much he could hurt me for the rest of his life...
I'm jumping to conclusions here, but I thought I did the right thing (i was actually kind of freaked a bit, since he has followed me before) until a few people had mentioned maybe NOT make his life worse....They're calling me to follow up and I'm wondering just how concealed my identity is....and ugh I don't know I'm so worried he's going to find out. I don't want to ruin his life, but he's said some scary things reguarding my safety and he's off the deep end....I feel so terrible, and nothing has even happened! Lol what is wrong with me? I guess the fact that he is already so inappropriately angry with me, it has me feeling guilty for something i didnt even do wrong..
the a in my life has stated some pretty graphic things about what he would like to do me, as in seriously harm me.
i was in a forum talking about it, not exactly taking it seriously and one person suggested I a least notify someone (again, dont want to go into detail, I'm getting scared and kind of paranoid at this point)
so I did, and now I'm scared they're going to catch him and he's going to get a felony or he'll find out I said something and come after me or just hate me so much he could hurt me for the rest of his life...
I'm jumping to conclusions here, but I thought I did the right thing (i was actually kind of freaked a bit, since he has followed me before) until a few people had mentioned maybe NOT make his life worse....They're calling me to follow up and I'm wondering just how concealed my identity is....and ugh I don't know I'm so worried he's going to find out. I don't want to ruin his life, but he's said some scary things reguarding my safety and he's off the deep end....I feel so terrible, and nothing has even happened! Lol what is wrong with me? I guess the fact that he is already so inappropriately angry with me, it has me feeling guilty for something i didnt even do wrong..
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 25
I just wanted to add that if you don't find a safe place for yourself that you should be prepared with emergency numbers, keep your phone with you at all times and always have an exit strategy. One person I know also got herself a stun gun. But I don't know how bad his threats are to you. If you think you are in danger, you very well may be.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by MaryGoRound 
I don't want to ruin his life, but ..
He's a meth addict and is ruining his own life and there is not a darn thing you can do about it. Meth addicts can and often do become dangerous with no provacation. Police/ER staff have special protocols for dealing with meth addicts who are in a tweaking mode, because the addict's brain is fried and they are unpredictable and very dangerous.
This guy has made threats which in most states is adequate to obtain a restraining or protective order that prohibits him from harming, harassing, stalking or threatening to harm you. If he persists ( his choice) it then becomes a crime with consequences.
Please take immediate action to protect your self.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Pressing charges isn't your number one concern right now..that doesn't have to be decided this minute...
I would first contact domestic violence and get your safety plan in good order.
Please phone them!!!!!!!
I would first contact domestic violence and get your safety plan in good order.
Please phone them!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Stay safe. Period.
Log and keep records of threats. Dates, Times and details of what is said.
Let phone calls go to voicemail.....if he leaves threatening messages, you would then have them recorded.
Your safety is priority #1 right now.
gentle hugs
Log and keep records of threats. Dates, Times and details of what is said.
Let phone calls go to voicemail.....if he leaves threatening messages, you would then have them recorded.
Your safety is priority #1 right now.
gentle hugs
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Women are killed every single day because the threats like those made to you were not taken seriously. The police don't do enough to protect but it's up to women who have been threatened to find a safe place to hide.
If he says he will harm you, believe him. Do you really feel safe waiting around to find out if he was serious?
Call a women's shelter and ask them what to do. They have professionals there who can help you.
I'm sorry if this post sounds harsh, but I hope it is harsh enough to get you to snap out of trying to protect him and start protecting yourself...before it is too late.
Hugs
If he says he will harm you, believe him. Do you really feel safe waiting around to find out if he was serious?
Call a women's shelter and ask them what to do. They have professionals there who can help you.
I'm sorry if this post sounds harsh, but I hope it is harsh enough to get you to snap out of trying to protect him and start protecting yourself...before it is too late.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 24
Well I don't know exactly what the details are of your threats, etc but for me my ex wife the meth addict now covertly stalks me which I guess for now is doing no harm but scares me a bit because you know how meth addicts are especially when they are using. .
my apartment is close to a convenient store (like a quick stop or 7/11) like 50 feet away and my apartment is the first one so is clearly seen from the store. .the other day the clerk said that she still sees my ex wife like everyday because she stops in there like twice a day sometimes late at night. .there's no reason why she should be stopping there at all as far as I'm concerned. Im on a friend finder website called my life and I got an e-mail stating someone was looking for me and it was my ex wife. .why would she need to do a search for me and one for my dad when she knows where we both live and lives in the same city. My friends and family are worried because of these behaviors but I'm not too worried about it at this point.
Meth addicts do some really weird stuff. .she even threatened to stalk me if I ever left her which is one of the biggest reasons I never did, so when she left the marriage I was relieved. I say that if you are getting threats of harm then from a meth addict then you should take them seriously especially if there is a history of violence. For now for me atleast things aren't that serious, she is keeping her distance even though I know she has a lot of resentment for whatever it is she feels I did wrong. .
Best of luck, be safe
Nena
my apartment is close to a convenient store (like a quick stop or 7/11) like 50 feet away and my apartment is the first one so is clearly seen from the store. .the other day the clerk said that she still sees my ex wife like everyday because she stops in there like twice a day sometimes late at night. .there's no reason why she should be stopping there at all as far as I'm concerned. Im on a friend finder website called my life and I got an e-mail stating someone was looking for me and it was my ex wife. .why would she need to do a search for me and one for my dad when she knows where we both live and lives in the same city. My friends and family are worried because of these behaviors but I'm not too worried about it at this point.
Meth addicts do some really weird stuff. .she even threatened to stalk me if I ever left her which is one of the biggest reasons I never did, so when she left the marriage I was relieved. I say that if you are getting threats of harm then from a meth addict then you should take them seriously especially if there is a history of violence. For now for me atleast things aren't that serious, she is keeping her distance even though I know she has a lot of resentment for whatever it is she feels I did wrong. .
Best of luck, be safe
Nena
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
How is pressing charges codependent? If this were some random person what would you do? I'm guessing press charges.At a minimum it lays the groundwork for a restraining order/stalking case.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 455
Don't know if this would help at all but recently a friend mentioned that she keeps her car remote control on her nightstand so that in case of emergency at night she can hit the panic/alarm button on it. It starts her car's horn even in her garage and doesn't stop until she hits the button again. She says it makes her feel safer because it can draw a lot of attention that an intruder wouldn't want.
If you are a student and live away from home at college, I hope that you have spoken with your parents about this situation. They should have some thoughts on how to handle this.
If you are a student and live away from home at college, I hope that you have spoken with your parents about this situation. They should have some thoughts on how to handle this.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
(((hugs)))
Don't worry about him. He's not a baby. He's not a puppy dog. He's a sick sick man and he's ruining his own life. If you continue to protect him it will get worse. He may hurt others as well. You cannot save him from the consequences of his cruel behavior. You aren't that powerful.
But you can SAVE yourself from the consequences of his cruel behavior. You don't have to spiral downward with him unless you choose too. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to live without this kind of fear in your life. You are a worthwhile person and you have basic human rights. Claim them! You ARE worth it!
Is there anything you are willing to do to protect and help yourself right now?
I don't want to ruin his life
But you can SAVE yourself from the consequences of his cruel behavior. You don't have to spiral downward with him unless you choose too. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to live without this kind of fear in your life. You are a worthwhile person and you have basic human rights. Claim them! You ARE worth it!
Is there anything you are willing to do to protect and help yourself right now?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Take it from a survivor of being thrown down the basement steps, having my head pounded against walls, having a knife held to my side, and being body-slammed to the floor...it can be a FATAL mistake underestimating or minimizing threats from an active meth addict.
As for 'ruining his life', well you just aren't that powerful.
However, he could very well ruin yours by ending your life.
This isn't a dress rehearsal; this is real life.
I hope you do contact a women's shelter as Ann suggested.
As for 'ruining his life', well you just aren't that powerful.
However, he could very well ruin yours by ending your life.
This isn't a dress rehearsal; this is real life.
I hope you do contact a women's shelter as Ann suggested.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: PM me
Posts: 324
Thanks guys...i mean he doesnt know where i live now, i'm almost done with school and i have him blocked...so i just feel like my taking it further is forcing an outcome for him. Even my mom said it was kind of my fault and to just let it be, and stay away if anything...
He said he SHOULD have done graphic things. and said that I'm a horrible person blah blah and should do everyone a favor and die. That I deserve it....
So maybe think about a restraining order...Yeah Nena, the behavior is very odd. And in the case of my A, its become even more odd...I asked him if he was serious about the threat and he just sent me naked pictures of girls like over and over....
The person on the phone said that if I take it further I would have to testify, but they would order rehabilitation and or counseling or whatever...
i feel really uncomfortable being in this position. i feel like I did push, and the chances of him coming into contact @ school (only until december) aren't very likely...and the drama and stress of a court process is unecessary or and overreaction.
I feel like especially since my own mom wasn't that concerned....that maybe I am just crazy in my codependency and looking for something. Ahh, I'm so conflicted. And we all no how the codependency seems to shape shift in a way. How do I know I'm not overreacting or just looking for another way to get him help. Frick.
Yeah safety is really all I should be worried about, and I am careful on campus. i am actually looking over my shoulder now. i do feel like ****, what if hes a threat to other ppl too.
He said he SHOULD have done graphic things. and said that I'm a horrible person blah blah and should do everyone a favor and die. That I deserve it....
So maybe think about a restraining order...Yeah Nena, the behavior is very odd. And in the case of my A, its become even more odd...I asked him if he was serious about the threat and he just sent me naked pictures of girls like over and over....
The person on the phone said that if I take it further I would have to testify, but they would order rehabilitation and or counseling or whatever...
i feel really uncomfortable being in this position. i feel like I did push, and the chances of him coming into contact @ school (only until december) aren't very likely...and the drama and stress of a court process is unecessary or and overreaction.
I feel like especially since my own mom wasn't that concerned....that maybe I am just crazy in my codependency and looking for something. Ahh, I'm so conflicted. And we all no how the codependency seems to shape shift in a way. How do I know I'm not overreacting or just looking for another way to get him help. Frick.
Yeah safety is really all I should be worried about, and I am careful on campus. i am actually looking over my shoulder now. i do feel like ****, what if hes a threat to other ppl too.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Sometimes, when I can't figure out what the right thing to do is, I just do the next wise thing. By wise, I mean, the WISE thing that will help me achieve my personal goals and maintain my personal safety while keeping my personal VALUES intact.
You pretty much can never go wrong if you make WISE choices.
So take a step back and ask yourself, what is the next wise thing for you to do, when it comes to protecting yourself, your sanity, your family and your possessions.
If you think that means do nothing, then do nothing. But always keep your speed dial ready on 9-1-1 just in case. And I would avoid going anywhere alone. Don't make yourself a target. That's not wise. And that is not right.
You pretty much can never go wrong if you make WISE choices.
So take a step back and ask yourself, what is the next wise thing for you to do, when it comes to protecting yourself, your sanity, your family and your possessions.
If you think that means do nothing, then do nothing. But always keep your speed dial ready on 9-1-1 just in case. And I would avoid going anywhere alone. Don't make yourself a target. That's not wise. And that is not right.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
All right..this is a very imperfect world and pressing charges on a misdeamer may result in retaliation.
But you cannot underestimate the threat. Really, really, really.
Please immediately read the info above in the stickies at the top of the forum on abuse and then make an appmt to see someone in domestic violence who can counsel you on remaining safe.
Better safe than sorry, right.
Because sorry can be dead. It can.
You cannot provoke him into violence. That comes from him.
And it can come at you at any time in so very many forms.
I don't want to re-tell my story..others here have all ready made that point.
But I am lucky that I lived through and attack that I never forsaw..
how did I know when he was going to blow?
It didn't necessarily have anything at all to do with me or anything I did or did not do.
Meth is associated with violence.
Violence is real.
And when it happens you will have no control over it and where it will end.
Everyone here has said the same thing...this is serious and seriously dangerous.
If there were a hurricane coming..would you go stand out on the pier?
But you cannot underestimate the threat. Really, really, really.
Please immediately read the info above in the stickies at the top of the forum on abuse and then make an appmt to see someone in domestic violence who can counsel you on remaining safe.
Better safe than sorry, right.
Because sorry can be dead. It can.
You cannot provoke him into violence. That comes from him.
And it can come at you at any time in so very many forms.
I don't want to re-tell my story..others here have all ready made that point.
But I am lucky that I lived through and attack that I never forsaw..
how did I know when he was going to blow?
It didn't necessarily have anything at all to do with me or anything I did or did not do.
Meth is associated with violence.
Violence is real.
And when it happens you will have no control over it and where it will end.
Everyone here has said the same thing...this is serious and seriously dangerous.
If there were a hurricane coming..would you go stand out on the pier?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: PM me
Posts: 324
yeah, haha..i know right...
what's weird is it was never an addiction problem, just bad attitudes and unacceptable behavior that I had no choice but to accept growing up with my stepfather, and mom for that matter.
and believe me i was definitely taught that I was just too sensitive, or somehow I was always to blame. My mom used to defend me to his face, but turn around and yell at me for the same things, like I wore an outfit that was different and somehow weird enough to be treated like a piece of garbage.
it took therapy two times around to realize I was being emotionally abused and had NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.
So yeah. I know. Still need some therapy, damnit. LOL. And now I'll be the one making tons of money for my "freak" beliefs, creativity, and mind
I definitely have been having the last laugh in a lot of ways.
I think my mom is also codependent ON ME, seeing as she tries to control my life, fought me tooth and nail to move out...and is now just happy as clam to have me living back in the house and butting into my life for the most part.
I can't wait to reclaim my independence again, and this time 100%....financially, everything. Its tough though, being young.
That's a bit of a digression, but thanks again guys. And Kitty I really appreciate ur comment ...I think doing nothing is the best option as of yet...I'm not going to sacrifice my safety. And I'm going to sit on the idea of a restraining order. I feel it'll exacerbate the situation and bring me more contact than I would possibly have right now. This person is definitely out of his mind at this point. Possessed. Even though he's come to this point. I still hope he finds his way, for his own sake..hell, for other people's safety on campus at this point. It really just pisses me off all over again about what abuse does to people. You become codependent like me, or you never see the light. These people need treatment and if you're like me...multiple times, lol. Is anyone ever NOT abused??Its beginning to seem like a rarity for me.
what's weird is it was never an addiction problem, just bad attitudes and unacceptable behavior that I had no choice but to accept growing up with my stepfather, and mom for that matter.
and believe me i was definitely taught that I was just too sensitive, or somehow I was always to blame. My mom used to defend me to his face, but turn around and yell at me for the same things, like I wore an outfit that was different and somehow weird enough to be treated like a piece of garbage.
it took therapy two times around to realize I was being emotionally abused and had NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.
So yeah. I know. Still need some therapy, damnit. LOL. And now I'll be the one making tons of money for my "freak" beliefs, creativity, and mind
I definitely have been having the last laugh in a lot of ways.I think my mom is also codependent ON ME, seeing as she tries to control my life, fought me tooth and nail to move out...and is now just happy as clam to have me living back in the house and butting into my life for the most part.
I can't wait to reclaim my independence again, and this time 100%....financially, everything. Its tough though, being young.
That's a bit of a digression, but thanks again guys. And Kitty I really appreciate ur comment ...I think doing nothing is the best option as of yet...I'm not going to sacrifice my safety. And I'm going to sit on the idea of a restraining order. I feel it'll exacerbate the situation and bring me more contact than I would possibly have right now. This person is definitely out of his mind at this point. Possessed. Even though he's come to this point. I still hope he finds his way, for his own sake..hell, for other people's safety on campus at this point. It really just pisses me off all over again about what abuse does to people. You become codependent like me, or you never see the light. These people need treatment and if you're like me...multiple times, lol. Is anyone ever NOT abused??Its beginning to seem like a rarity for me.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
